I came across a thread posted on one of the lj communities I frequent the other day that literally opened a pandora’s box between me and Master. The thread was a desperate plea from a subbie boy wanting to begin a relationship with two masters and wondering what to do about the masters’ requirements. They wanted to keep him in a chastity device permanently and he didn’t want to be – with the catch being that if he didn’t submit to their requirement, the relationship was a no-go.
He stated that he didn’t want his ‘quality of life’ to be affected (i.e. still be able to go to the gym, be able to sleep comfortably etc.) and that when he’d worn one before it didn’t make him horny or anything, just uncomfortable and he saw no point. As you can imagine, most of the comments were along the lines of , ‘You still have a right to hard limits and if that’s your hard limit and they won’t accept it, you’re better off not being in the relationship.’
I mentioned the thread to Master knowing that he has an interest in bois and their toys and he responded with his usual:
“Bois should always be in chastity and just be milked on occasion. If I had one, that’s what I’d do. Bois shouldn’t be expecting to have anything else.”
Master and I have talked about bois in the past and he’s often said he’d like to have one to come and do the gardening and fuck me every now and then. Of course, the boi would be in a cock cage outside of the times when his ‘services’ were required. Whenever we talk about the subject, Master always get an excited gleam in his eye. Incidentally, he gets the same gleam whenever the topic of conversation is boots….
So, anyway, we were discussing the subbie’s boy’s dilemma on the phone last night and I was of the opinion that it’s not really healthy to always be in chastity and that not everything works for all people. I thought it was pretty unreasonable that they were demanding it of him. Master’s opinion was that if he was a subbie boy, then that’s what he would have to put up with and if he didn’t want to, then he’d have to find someone else who could accept that.
I then said that the subbie boy should be able to ‘negotiate’ to a certain extent and that even if he is unable to do exactly what the masters want, then there should still be other ways that he could ‘serve’.
Master said, “No, it doesn’t work like that.”
So I said that generally in the ‘honeymoon’ phase of a d/s relationship you are willing to go through a lot of funky stuff without a lot of consideration of the consequences and that sometimes not everything works out the way you planned e.g. my cunt rings.
He said, “Yeah, well, shit happens.” (or words to that effect)
So having my curiousity piqued I asked,
“So what would of happened if I had refused to have my labia pierced at the beginning of our relationship? Would I not be here now?”
And he said,
Hearing that was a bit like getting a bullet in the chest. I mean, if I had realised at the start that my piercings would impact on my quality of life they way they do and if I had known that there was even a chance that they would end up the way they are, I would never, ever have gone through with it.
As it was, I was burning with slave need and never even thought to look into what can go wrong with piercings and how shit like that can affect your life. He said, “I want you pierced with 6 rings in your outer labia.” I said, “Yes, Master“and it was done. For Master, apparently saying no would of been a deal breaker. If I had said no, he wouldn’t have become my Master.
He said it was the same as if I had been a smoker and refused to quit. He would not have been able to have a relationship with me as a smoker and I can understand that…smoking is just wrong. I would never have a relationship with someone who is a smoker either, but is not submitting to having your labia pierced deal-breaking material???
I’m still blown away by his thoughts on the matter. I think about everything we have above and beyond my slave ‘trinkets’ and can’t believe that slave-sans-cunt-rings is such a big deal. In the scheme of things, what function do they serve other than to cause me pain and stress? Sure he might enjoy seeing them every now and then, but seriously….
Looking at the situation from the other side of the fence, what if I had said no to the relationship because he wasn’t a shibari-pro? How….shallow (fucked up??) would that be?
I feel sorry for the subbie boy with the chastity dilemma. I know what it’s like to want to be owned with all your heart and soul. I understand his burning desire to please, but also his apprehension at doing something that will affect his life both physically and mentally.
This is why subbie folk are scared to use their safe words, scared to say no and often do things beyond what they are comfortable with doing. They’re scared of rejection and scared that if they don’t do something, it’s going to be a deal breaker. With no one to blame but themselves for not being ‘submissive’ enough, what’s a subbie one to do?