Spotting a submissive

(This is a very old blog and now I’m much older and wiser. You should really read this blog to see how I feel about this topic now.)

How does one spot a submissive? I don’t think you can tell by looks alone, but there are certain characteristics that I think are common to subs and when I think about why I like being a submissive many of the characteristics come to mind:

1. Femininity- this includes dressing like a woman-lots of skirts and lace and pastels and white. It’s about dressing like a woman and being pleasing in appearance. This is at the heart of all subs and even though they may dress in lots of black and leather (^V^) there is always a girl in a pink dress inside screaming to come out.

2. Vulnerability- a lot of women like to show their muscle and prove that they can do it just as well as the men, but the ‘damsel in distress’ routine attracts more men than anything. Women who are small, weak and look like they need protecting are just crying out “I’m a sub, take care of me!”

3. Obedience- subs are inherently obedient and will sacrifice anything to get what is asked of them done. They do what they are told with little fuss and often without question. Although they may be screaming ‘why the hell am I doing this?’ inside, on the outside they will be a picture of calm.

4. Open to suggestion- this is also sometimes described as ‘being easily lead’. It differs from obedience in that their ideas, thoughts or wishes/needs can be easily influenced and often changes by external information. On one hand, this means that they are flexible and adaptable, but on the other hand it means they are easily tricked and taken advantage of

5. Lacking confidence- subs by nature are very insecure, easily hurt individuals. They have issues with their lives, finding them meaningless or unsatisfying but they often lack the courage to improve their situations. Subs thrive on praise or affirmations that their decisions were good, what they did was the ‘right’ things. It is that mental support that they thrive on. Some people describe a dom as a crutch for the sub and although the imagery is not the best, it is probably a very accurate description.

6. The desire to please through submission- this is where I feel that the difference between a sub and a slave arises. A sub loves the pleasure the dom gets from their submission, but a slave simply loves pleasing in any state or form. Service, or doing things for the dom is the greatest source of pleasure, while serving others is a minor source of pleasure.


5 thoughts on “Spotting a submissive

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  1. Umm, bullshit??! I am sexually submissive despite my husband not being a dominant-I just know. I have never met a man who brings it out in me but I know a yearning to surrender my body and soul lies deep. Day to day life sees me as a roll-up-the-sleeves kinda gal who gets in there and gets the job done. I may wear pearls but I wear pants. I haven’t worn pink since I was 5 and wouldn’t be caught dead in lace. I don’t simper and bat my eyelids, I am not open to suggestion, know my own mind and am confident. I often deal with crowds for a living so can stare down a twit trying to make trouble. Don’t take me for a fool-Not much gets by me. When I am in contact with a very “male” male who exudes a natural, quiet dominance (ie, NOT a would-be alpha male), I often wonder if he can tell as I am more inclined to ignore him and hide what I am as well as the fact he is giving me the stomach flops partly because I fear the intimacy a real, truly deeply sexual encounter would force me to choose. I’ve made my bed with my husband and after 22 years will sleep in it the rest of my life. There are a lot of pretend doms out there and I’ve met a few but am not looking anymore. Hopefully in my late 40’s I’ve seen sense. Heading down the road of expressing my sexuality came with too many strings and would hurt too many people. You read the so-called success stories of women who have been brave and left their husbands to pursue their true submissive calling but they are few and far between and mostly lies. No-one reads of the heartache they leave in their wake. Some would-be alpha males are hen-pecked husbands who think that controlling a submissive frightened rabbit will make them feel like really big men in order to make up for other areas in their lives that are out of control (Is a UK dom’s ears burning?). Others say they’re switches but do so in order to broaden the odds for a sexual encounter. I’m not into any of the “scene” accoutrements and hate leather and public displays-I simply respond to a man “taking over” during sex and I learnt the hard way and did some really dumb things and learnt my lesson. I will work damned hard that I not appear vulnerable to a truly dominant man-I think because I want to dare him to see “me” as no-one really ever has. I am part sexual scaredy-cat, part lion but I am NOT the simpering, lacking in confidence, wide-eyed, eager to please, and easily fooled and led damsel in distress you describe above. I don’t submit. I would surrender if I had the chance. But I won’t, so I don’t.
    Stop dealing in Mills and Boon stereo-types.

  2. Oh my looorrd “Mn” your reply rocked my verrryyy soul….what a shame you may never look back this post and see the effect and affinity

  3. i kinda agree with the post….aside from the frilly thing tho i like to be cute in what looks to me hehe. im alot less shy on the computer because there is a wall o.o, but i also dont mind the shy feeling either. i think its harder because i cant spot the fakes when im on my search and being with a vanila guy my emotions are wavered between finding a love for me and betraying someone….. i dont want to betray anyone. i dont think im weak…. more conflicted….

  4. Are you kidding me?? Whoever wrote this has absolutely NO CLUE what a real submissive is. This is shameful. I know submissive women who are VERY confident (one is a lawyer), very self-assured and totally gregarious. Wow. Please, whoever wrote this is horribly horribly misinformed, and perpetuating bad stereotypes.

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