Makes me sound like some kind of Domme, don’t you think?
A guy called has been sending me mail on collarme. He’s a postgrad student living in Perth and just finding out about D/s and bdsm. I’m not sure what prompted him to contact me..probably my photo more than anything else, but he’s very unsure about what he needs and the lifestyle and everything and I see so much of myself several months ago in him.
Responding to his questions has helped me understand myself a little better too.
He says he’s a switch with stronger sub tendencies but I think he knows much less about everything than I did when I first started. I knew so strongly what I needed and wanted but didn’t know that there was a way to live that kind of life. I laugh about it and call it my epiphany…but it really was a life-changing discovery.
So I thought I’d copy some of our discussions into my journal:
Thankyou for sending another message, I thought you might think I was rude or pushy.
As I said I am new and exploring. Have always found both image and idea of a dominant woman extremely sensual and arousing, but have never met anyone who was – its outside the usual socialisation of women in society I guess. Plus I have had fantasies of being a sex slave to a woman/women going back into early adolescence (maybe all people have these don’t know), which I think is a bit of a sign.
How did you become interested? If you’ve been a slave for two months, were submissive prior to that or did you meet someone who made it all click?
Thank you for sharing so much about yourself.
My story is paradoxically simple and complicated at the same time!
I had been into self-bondage for years and years and like yourself had fantasies since I was in primary school!
I was in a perfectly vanilla relationship for 10 years, married for 3 of those, and desperately unhappy. I’d never had an orgasm and assumed that the reason I hated sex was some problem on my part. I knew about bdsm but didn’t know anything about D/s and it never really dawned on me that that was was I was needing.
I guess I just got information from the net and the lifestyle described in there was so attractive to me that I knew I couldn’t live without it. I joined collarme and alt com and thought about having some play on the side of my marriage.
But then I met an interesting man on alt. and we clicked…in a big way! I decided to divorce, come back to Australia and be His slave. I’d never, ever done anything like it before so it was a huge leap of faith. And that is where I am now..living as a collared slave in a 24/7 tpe relationship. Complicated…but simple, wasn’t it?
Reading your message Chris, I was wondering if you have discovered what you really need. What do you believe the difference to be between bottoms, subs and slaves?
Your question gets to the heart of it. I’m not sure what I want and I’m not sure what the difference is. I have thought of visiting a professional domme, but my budget (I’m a post-grad student) doesn’t really allow it, but also the idea of some stranger playing out some role doesn’t really do it for me – I don’t really need to be told i’ve been a naughty boy.
I have only been a few relationships, I grew up in the country and always felt different, didn’t feel very attractive and all that. None of the relationships have been satisfying, and I have felt there have been something missing. Although I like sex, and love bring women to orgasm, I find it difficult to cum myself. In a past relationship my partner would tell fantasies that would involve D/S types senarios and this would help, however my current partner is nervous about sex, doesn’t like to talk about it, and generally when I come I have some fantasy in mind.
I have been on a number of sites, to look at material and find out more about D/S – ideas for fantasies – but also that I might meet someone – however its only been in the last few days that I actually tried to contact anyone.
Not sure really what I’m looking for, my partner and I have an agreement that we are both free to explore outside the relationship, but I do think what I’m looking for is a deeper commitment – the question is finding a person that that can be made to and would be willing to recipricate and would desire to be in such a relationship with me.
The reason I asked my question was that I believed your answer would tell me a lot about your current state of mind…
And btw, I guess most guys don’t need to be told that they’ve been a ‘naughty boy’…lol
There are a million different definitions for bottom, sub and slave but the ones that I go by are:
1. A bottom enjoys submitting to certain acts-they often have fetishes and will only ‘submit’ when the scene involves them doing what they want to do
2.A sub enjoys being submissive in all areas of sex and in their lifestyle. They will do anything that does not infringe on their limits
3.A slave is a pleaser. They enjoy serving and their motivation is to appease or please their Master/Mistress. A slave is property and everything they are and own belongs to their owner. A slave has no rights. A slave’s limits are generally the same as their Master/Mistress and they do not have or need safewords.
I was also thinking about your comment about switching. I don’t have a dominant bone in me but when I was married I had a great resentment towards my husband because he couldn’t provide me with what I needed and it manifested into a subtle type of domination. He was a very submissive man and the idea of him trying to ‘please’ me in the bedroom and outside felt so wrong to me. Perhaps this is what you were experiencing??