I decided to have a brazillian today. There really wasn’t any need and it’s not like I have anyone to maintain myself for, but I felt a little like it was my duty- to keep myself ready and available at all times. There was a period just after I’d decided to leave when I went through a phase of getting myself back, thinking that it was my pussy now and why should I be waxing/shaving for anyone? So I let it go for a while and delighted a little in controlling my body. But I felt this pressure from the little voices upstairs, that it was wrong and that something needed to be done about it. So today is the day. There is also a little excitement at having some pain (small though it may be). I used to sugar myself and I’d need to smother myself in baby powder because I’d get so slicked up that the stuff wouldn’t stick. Sad, isn’t it?
I’m also thinking about making this journal public. I’ll need to go through and change some names and put some background info in, but I think that I’m ready to do it because that phase of my life is over. And it is. I really think now that there is no going back. I can’t start to hate him just so that I can have some closure, but I think I can put him behind me and focus on the future.
There is hope yet!