I think each and every one of us goes into a D/s relationship with some sort of preconception about what will happen and what our ‘new’ lives will be like. Most subbies probably imagine beatings and bondage and I imagine most domly ones imagine service and fuckfests. In this day and age where so many people meet online and discuss in length what will and won’t be before they even come face to face, what happens if what you get is not what you signed up for?
I’ve had quite a few of those ‘hang-on-this-ain’t-what-I-signed-up -for’ moments in both of the D/s relationships I’ve been involved in- some for the better and some for the worse. I mentioned this fact to Master the other night:
“So, you know how when we were chatting on-line and stuff, you said that you weren’t into causing pain?”
“Well, is there like some kind of money-back guarantee for when what you get is not what you paid for? I mean, you said that you weren’t into pain and I thought that would be perfect for me because I’m not really into it. That was a pretty big reason behind why I hauled my ass over here to the other side of the country, you know. And when I get here what do I get? Mr. Crop, Mr. Cane, Mr. Strap, Mr. Flogger, Mr. Paddle….”
“And when we were chatting you also made it seem like you were going to be really strict, like strapping me down to my bed at night and not being allowed to use any furniture and stuff.”
“And your point is?”
“Things are really different to how I thought they would be.”
I’m sure that these ‘differences’ are things that make and break a lot of relationships. In the world of the net and the telephone, “I’m gonnas” are great. They set the heart racing and the mind tumbling over itself. But in the real world, “I’m gonnas” are things that often never eventuate and they create feelings of frustration and rejection in the one who was expecting the promised treasures.
Subbies are excitable creatures. If there is a hint, even just a whiff in the breeze that something is going to be done to them, they grab and snatch and hug close to their breast that tantalizing idea they they will be used. Then they fear and dread the thing to come with half excitement and half terror, all the while creating bigger and more beautiful images of what will be in their mind.
A crushing truth descends when the reality is less than what was expected and heaven forbid that the promised torture end up being a ‘no -show’. It doesn’t take much for a subbie to put two and two together as only subbies can…”He didn’t do it because he doesn’t really like me.”
Things for me are very, very different to what I expected- Master is a much nicer guy, he feeds me much more than gruel, he cares a lot more about my welfare and by far the biggest difference is his growing attraction to using implements on my ass.
“Here I was expecting some scary dude who was going to feed me gruel off the floor and keep me in chains but not beat me.”
“Well, I only said those things to get you over here, you know.”
He does make me smile.