This very pertinent question, asked in a comment on one of my recent blogs about my need for bondage, is something that I’ve thought long and hard over. Unfortunately, I don’t think I’ve got an answer…yet….but it’s still a great blog topic…lol…so here goes.
The fascination for me about ropes, chains, cages and all the other delightful accoutrements of bondage is based on what they symbolize when I am placed in them. Why do you tie/chain/cage something or someone up? Because you want to keep them and you don’t want to lose them. Most probably, my love of bondage is an externalization of my desperate need to be wanted.
I don’t see instruments of bondage as vehicles of torture. Yes, sometimes they hurt, but it is the driving need of the captor to keep and hold the captee that I focus on. Bondage and submission are two very different entities in my mind and torture (pain play) is what I group together with submission. I tend to separate the ‘b’ from the ‘d’ , ‘s’ and ‘m’. Although the captor can, as an extension of their power inflict upon the captee whatever they wish as an extension of their power, ‘keeping’ the other is their main purpose.
I think bondage aficionados fall into two categories. Firstly, there is the group that loves bondage for bondage’s sake. Secondly, there is the group that uses it as a tool for keeping someone still while they do other nasty things to them. Both groups might delight in the artistry of intricate ties or orgasmic clinking chain, but only one group will be happy with the bondage session ending with bondage. That’s not to say that I don’t mind a good release being the culmination of a bondage session, I’m just saying that I don’t need 100 strokes of the cane to go along with it…lol.
The fantasy of being a captive is very strong in me. More than anything, I want someone to want me enough to want to keep me tied up. There are waaay too many ‘wants’ in that sentence, but life is about trying to get what we want and there isn’t any better way to say it. If you want something strongly enough, it becomes a need and I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again, living things are driven by needs.
I submit to Master because that’s what he wants and needs. My need to be kept and owned is fulfilled by his ownership. It is in my interests to ‘keep him happy’ by submitting to what he wants to ensure that he won’t stop wanting me. As long as he wants to keep me captive, then I feel safe and secure.
The collar that I wear is a constant symbol both physically and emotionally of my captivity. In some sort of a strange equation, captivity to me equals love . What is a stronger symbol of love then wanting to keep someone locked to you always? A leash is not so much a controlling mechanism as it is a connection to the heart.
Well, now that I can see you all rolling your eyes at all the lovie dovey crap I’ve been writing about love, I’d better get back to replying to the comment…lol.
My commenter also said:
“Growing up I have become less comfortable with being tied up. I think perhaps it is in response to finding so many woman were more into being submissive. Some were down right terrified of the notion of a man who wanted to be tied and yet NOT submissive.”
Biologically women are the weaker sex. Women propagate the species and nurture, we are vessels and receivers. This is something that we can’t change. Men are supposed to be strong protectors who provide and control. It is unsettling when these roles are reversed or changed in some way. A man who likes bondage, likes being in the weaker position and out of control. I don’t think women find it terrifying because you like being tied up and aren’t submissive, it’s simply because you’re not ‘playing the role’ you ‘should’ be playing.
It is so hard to change a person’s view or belief of something even if they know it is incorrect. Once an opinion is formulated, it’s often set in stone. If you are seen in a particular role, then you’ve got about as much chance of hell freezing over as you do of having them change their opinion about you. This goes for individuals as well as society as a whole. Men don’t get tied up and left on the train tracks-that’s something that happens to women! Women in hostage situations are poor pitiful creatures, while men should be tough enough to endure it! Unfortunately, we are all victims of preconceptions.
In a nutshell, I don’t know what starts it all. My home was pretty normal, I wasn’t abused, I don’t really see what would have ‘made’ me the way I am except perhaps to say that there are 6.6 billion people on this planet, all with unique thoughts and ideas, and it stands to reason that there would be more than a few people who like things that others don’t. The brain is an amazing thing and somehow I don’t think we’ll ever figure out how it works.
Tie me tight and never let me go.