I think I need to post just to get those damn ugly pics a little bit further down the page!
For the past couple of days I’ve been feeling like I need to be used- and used hard. It’s one of those times that comes every now and then, when the need for some stimulation and sensation outweighs the fear of what else it will bring.
I describe myself as a sensation junkie. I like to feel different things and meet the little challenges that are put before me. With Master, pain generally only comes at one level-high. For this reason, it was quite interesting to be spanked by someone else, just to see what other levels are available on the pain dial. He said to me later that he was sitting there watching our mystery shopper do his thing with ‘Hit her harder, for fucks sake!’ screaming through his brain. Lol…
Boots are Master’s thing and bondage is mine. I like bondage to be tight and constricting-that’s why it’s called bondage after all, and not ‘Fun with rope and chains’. Rope marks so deep you can see the different twines, creases left by leather belts with raised bumps where the belt holes were…mmm….thinking about it is enough to make me juicy.
The lack of two things is guaranteed to make me stir-crazy: (1) a lack of release and/or (2) a lack of bondage. I can only go so long until I start looking longingly at scarves and belts and things that my twisted little mind sees the bondage potential in. I batted my eyelids at Master on Sunday and again last night hoping that telepathically I could transfer my desperate little plea,
‘Tie me the fuck up!’
I can’t ask to be tied up. That destroys the whole fantasy thing. I can’t be tied up so I can undo myself either. Whoever heard of a damsel in distress held prisoner in the dungeon with the door left open and cuffs she can slip out of??
I’ve tried to communicate with Master my feelings about bondage in terms he will understand;
“You know how flat boots with no heels don’t do it for you?”
“And you know how short little ankle boots do nothing for you either?”
“Well, boots for you have to be a special type. They have to be long, preferably over the knee, with high stiletto heels and smelling of leather. Any old boots just won’t do it for you, right?”
‘Well, that’s like me and bondage.”
“What are you getting at?”
It’s at this point that I’d love to beable to say:
“I like it to be real. If I just wanted to tie myself up, I could. It’s only when you’re with another person that you can really do bondage- unless of course you want to get tricky with keys in ice cubes and stuff. I’ve been tying myself up since I was about 8 years old. For 22 years I’ve been waiting for someone to share my secret with and tie me up nice and tight.”
But what I really say is something along the lines of:
“”Nothing much, it’s ok. What do you want for lunch?”
I don’t want to stand there and tell him what I want. I want him to want to do what I want without me saying it…lol. This is the crazy shit that men say women go on with. I was watching “The Break Up” on the weekend and the bit where they have a huge fight over washing the dishes resonated with me. The issue was that the woman wanted the man to want to do the dishes and not just do them just because she told him to. I pointed this out to Master as the ‘eternal lack of understanding between men and women’.
In D/s you’ve still got to deal with all the man/woman shit too. Now I know why there are so many masochists among us…lol