I wrote an entry before about me and my porn viewing habits, but I decided to pull it.
Even though this blog is mine and fortunately Master allows me to write whatever I want, when I want, it doesn’t mean that I can write things that hurt, intentionally and unintentionally. So after I wrote that entry I thought about how I would feel if our positions were reversed- if Master was the one looking at porn and writing about it. I wouldn’t like it. I’d feel hurt and jealous. It wouldn’t matter that it didn’t ‘mean’ anything to him or that it was just ‘cheap entertainment’, I still wouldn’t like it.
I’m a jealous soul for a slave. I like to think that Master is mine and no-one else’s. Of course, being a slave means that if he wanted to have another, I couldn’t do anything about it, but I would like to think that I was ‘enough’ for him and that I satiated all his needs.
To be honest, I don’t like it when Master looks at other chicks wearing boots and comments, “Mmmm..slut in boots.” I’m supposed to be his slut in boots! It almost feels like I’m being usurped. I’m also not completely comfortable with him pointing out croppable asses when we’re doing retail therapy. In an attempt to control my ‘jealousy’ I also point out croppable asses and sluts in boots, but all the while I’m pointing them out, I’m fishing for a, “But you’ve got the most croppable ass” or a “You’re my slut in boots” comment from Master. Even an innocent “God that Seven of Nine on Star Trek is hot!’ comment is enough to make me ‘out of sorts’. Lol…I’m terrible, I really am. I’m sounding like a psycho jealous girlfriend.
I don’t know if Master feels the same way when he knows that I’ve been surfing for porn, but I imagine that he does. So I just wanted to say sorry Master. My blog was inappropriate and wrong and I didn’t mean to be so insensitive. I’m sure you’ll educate me if you feel it’s necessary when I get home.