My Sunday was a very bizarre mix of “Wtf am I doing?” moments and totally dispassionate acquiescence as I submitted to another.
Master informed me at about 10am that I was required to be bathed and ready by 4pm and to plan my day with that in mind. As soon as I heard that, all my plans for a quiet, stress-free Sunday went right out the window and my stomach felt like there was a succession of tsunamis going through it and I desperately needed to pee.
I asked for a bit of clarification along the lines of, “Is it a past Mystery Shopper returning? Is he from Alt or BDSMWA? What is he going to do? Is he bringing toys?” Master then decided that I was getting entirely too ‘inquisitive’ and ordered me to his bed for a pre-shopper interrogation session.
After a few questions about what I was (and me supplying the appropriate responses) Master started to go into detail about what was likely to happen and what was expected of me. It did nothing to quell my nerves, just ascerbated them and I decided to go for a walk to get rid of some nervous energy.
At this stage I was, in a word, hurt. Half of me felt like curling up into a ball and crying my eyes out and half of me just wanted to slap Master down. I’m not quite sure why, but I was completely and totally resenting him making him go through all of this and it hadn’t even started yet! As I pounded the pavement I thought about pushing all these feelings deep down inside and getting on with what I had to do.
I’d planned things so I would keep busy. I didn’t want to be standing around the house killing time with my fate hanging over my head. In fact I got bathed and ready and was in the cage blindfolded and hooded about five minutes before the mystery shopper was due to arrive.
It was absolutely pitch black in that mask. I could hear everything, but couldn’t see a thing- I couldn’t even tell if it was light or dark in the room- and then the doorbell rang. I had this need to go to the toilet again, but by that time it was too late.
I’m always amused to listen to the conversation of people in this situation. Things like, “How are you?” sound so out of place when there’s a man with a bag of toys and a naked masked girl in a cage just off to the side. If it was me, I’m sure I’d dissolve into fits of laughter or just die on the spot.
It turned out to be a new mystery shopper, I didn’t know the voice. He wasted no time with chit-chat, it was right down to business with a short inspection and pegs and nipple clamps. For the next hour and a half, my two available holes got a thorough workout. I spent a lot of time with my fists curled into balls and biting my lip or arm. Most of what he did felt quite nice and eventhough I was forbidden to talk, there were lots of noises that I couldn’t control and bucking, twitching and swaying that comes from playing heavily with my pink bits. He was very well prepared with toys and all the necessary safety and hygiene stuff.
I was so disassociated from the whole process. As I said to Master later, it wouldn’t have mattered who was doing it, because at that point I was just in ‘use mode’ and I just would have done what was required. It could have been Master’s hand on the end of that vibrator ploughing me roughly, or someone else, I didn’t know and it didn’t matter.
During our de-briefing after the mystery shopper had gone I told Master what I felt about it.
I felt absolutely nothing about the whole experience.
Master says that was a good thing and I’m inclined to agree. If I did, that would mean that the whole objectification process hadn’t worked. There shouldn’t be any feelings or any thoughts. Nice and simple. I barely have anything to write about in this blog other than the events that transpired.
The only thing that I will say it that I felt a little bit like he was overly concerned about how I felt and how I was enjoying it. Most of the activities were geared towards me having enjoyment and so I thought that it detracted from the ‘animal for use’ aspect that we were aiming for.
Anyway, I need to process this a bit more as I’m sure this can’t be all that I have to say (Yes, I can hear everyone nodding ALL the way over here….lol) More details about what actually happened can be read on Master’s blog.
First, the pegs
Then the anal beads
The latex hand working up to a fist
Does it need a caption?