On this day, one year ago, I was up on the bench getting my first labia and clithood piercings. Two days earlier I had stepped off the plane at Perth airport and met Master in the flesh for the first time. It was all very surreal at the time. One moment, I was a free woman on the east coast of Australia, the next minute, I was a pierced slave on the west coast. It all happened so quickly and with such finality. I always think of August 13th as the day that changed my life because it was the day that I officially became a slave.
So, it’s one year later and I now have to say that I’m officially a pissy slave…lol. One only needs to read my previous post to see how much I have not grown or improved or changed in anyway. It’s kind of sad to think that Master and I have spent all this time and energy trying to transform me into something closer to the ideal slave, but it’s all been for naught. I’m not any different in the way that I think or the way that I act. I’m officially a lost cause. But that’s me and I’m fortunate that Master accepts me for all my flaws and faults and has unending patience for my stupid blonde moments and my idiotic slave-trying-to-act-like-a-free-woman episodes. I’m lucky he just doesn’t beat the crap out of me and be done with it. My stupid pride and unwillingness to ‘just submit’ causes both of us so much grief.
After much discussion yesterday about my appalling behaviour and misinterpretation of everything, I apologized from the bottom of my heart and really meant it. I simply hate it when he’s angry with me, even frostiness or slight pissy-ness is something I abhor. It just seems like I’m so far away from him, when I need to be so near. That emotional distance just seems to poison my insides in some way.
Fortunately we’re all good again. Master has forgiven my transgressions and I’ve reaffirmed my desire to be obedient and good. Just to make sure that I never forget my role and my place again, I now have a daily cunt presentation ritual. That’s what I am, a cunt for use. I don’t have rights or choices or options. My existence is simple and I really want to work towards keeping it that way.
Master stayed true to form by spoiling me on our anniversary. Flowers, champagne and a lovely dinner that he prepared. Flowers. They are one thing I never expected as they had been a running joke between us for the past year. After a house guest furnished me with flowers last year, I’ve been joking with Master about “Where are my flowers?” He said he’d never bring me flowers because I wasn’t “his girlfriend, wife or lover.” Instead, today he brought me flowers because I am “lovely and cute”. The flowers are gorgeous with white and yellow and my favourite colour purple. Unbeknownst to me they were in the car behind my seat when Master came to pick me up. Master then told me about how he’d left early and told a co-worker that “girls wanted anniversaries to be celebrated properly and he had a florist to go to.” It was then that I cottoned on and looked around the car for the bunch. All the while Master was sitting there in the car beside me with his ‘ice-man’ look complete with a twist of bemusement.
Tomorrow was to have been my property tattoo marking, and Master had organized to take the day off for the occasion. While the appointment was cancelled, he still has the day off so we’ll do some errands and spend quality time with one another. Things are good and will continue to be so, my obedience and submission permitting.