While ironing Master’s work shirts last night, I came to a startling revelation:

D/s slavery = Married life in Japan

Wow! I’d never realised it before but most of what is expected of me as a slave in Australia in 2007 is what was expected of me as a married woman in Japan in 2005. Bizarro!

Let me explain. In a nutshell, I’m expected to keep the house tidy, do the washing and ironing, get Master what he wants (ensure that he’s comfortable), greet him when he comes home, be pleasant and cheerful and acquiesce to his wishes. And the truly interesting thing is that I did all that and more as a ‘good little housewife’ in Japan.

In Japan, I’d clean the house, do the washing and ironing (even lay out his shirt and tie combination for the next day), hang out the futons, serve him dinner before me, refill his rice bowl or tea etc., greet him when he came home and see him off when he left in the morning, make his lunch (even fill up those cute little fish-shaped soya sauce bottles for his obento lunch box) and acquiesce to his wishes – he chose where we went and what we did and when.

The only difference between what I did then and what I do now is what goes on in the bedroom in a sexual sense. So, what is slavery if it’s not what goes on behind bedroom doors? The bondage, the beatings, the collar, the boots are all things that are sexually related. That is the bdsm in our relationship.

The service side of slavery and everything that happens on the surface is what happens now as a part of normal life in many cultures and happened in our culture a few decades ago. Is slavery a sneaky way of turning back the clock and getting women to be domestic goddesses again? Because men want to be the hunter-gatherers outside the home and pampered on the inside?

Don’t get me wrong, a lot of women actively want to fulfill that role and are happy to do so. It’s a much simpler way of life and after the pendulum swing to the extremes of women’s equality and sensitive new age men, perhaps it’s time for the pendulum to swing back again.

I never said no to my ex-hubby except in the bedroom. Everything he wanted, we did. I just went along with it because that was what you did. My headspace then and now is much the same ‘I should do what he wants. I’ll bite my tongue and be obedient because I’m his wife/slave.’

Yes, I know I’m owned now. Yes, I know I don’t have a choice about anything anymore. The reality was that I left my husband (I exercised my choice) which perhaps I couldn’t do anymore (although theoretically I could still chose to leave my slavery), but being owned and being married don’t seem that different to me.

We’re still two people struggling with life, enjoying each other, just now we’ve got a few more toys to play with (^v^) So my question again, what makes slavery different from a traditional marriage? I seem to have missed it somewhere…


8 thoughts on “Associations

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  1. What you said perfectly explains why Japanese girls make that great slavegirls really… in other parts of the world, equality is way more important than in the easternmost ones, especially Japan, from what I’ve seen… the culture has the submissive role of the women already bound to it. Well, you also had Shibari bondage before the rest of the world could enjoy bdsm at all :p
    Living in Europe (Germany, to be exact), I can tell you that what you explained wouldn’t really be applyable to the culture I experience. Most women would laugh about you if you’d tell them to do what you explained. Basically, you could say that women are way more bitchy over here than anywhere else really. Many marriages break because of that really, and I wonder what’s the rate in Japan. Generally, I think relationships can last way longer if the participants aren’t equal in means of command. If there’s a leader and a follower, chances are higher they won’t get into a relationship-breaking argument than in a normal relationship where both have their own expectations they want to have filled by any means.

    I got a little off-topic with that, I guess… what seperates slavery from marriage is that – as you said – you don’t have a choice about anything, unless your master says so, that is. You said it yourself, even in Japan, you can easily divorce and go somewhere else, living as you want to. If you’re serious about being a slave (and from what I’ve seen, you are damn serious about it), you’d never break up with whoever you’re with. The important part in that sentence is the ‘would’, as it isn’t a “you can’t” situation – you just won’t do it, period.


  2. This is a good post, kitten, it’s made me really define many things for myself.
    For me there’s a big difference, yet so many similarities, as you’ve pointed out.
    The biggest difference being that of mastering, the control and domination that is always present. At anytime, for any – or no – reason, I can be removed from any task to feel his hand. Or he would change the tasks/the order/etc- because he could/liked too, but also I think to help me keep my headspace. It’s the dynamics that are always present. (My headspace reflected that, I think)
    There were/are also much heavier consequences for non-compliances, than vanilla, for me.
    And very possible the instrument of *having punishment that wipes the slate clean, without the internal score card being kept*, also seperates the relationships, in my experience.
    That I might simply be ordered to do those mundane chores while in some sort of bondage or fetish wear, is also a difference. (being hobbled while doing dishes – lol)(He would occasionally do the “set-up to fail” mindfucks, because he was a sadist and could! lol
    Another difference is that when I lived as property/served him. in his home, it looked very much a masculine place, whereas when I was vanilla, the home tended to be filled here and there with more feminine touches, and colors. (Not fu-fu though, not my style- lol!)
    Many times chores were interupted not just to serve in some mundane way, but to exercise, in some way, our lifestyle.
    He also had little rituals that were interspersed within the mundane.

    All in all, it was my headspace that was different between the two types, ie- my duties and behavior was based on what he dictated for me, always, rather than what I deemed necassary to keep the home clean and running smoothly, I was always reminded in many little ways that I wasn’t autonomous, that was just his way.
    I still can’t articulate this well, but the differences were very present. Sorry – this is my sad attempt at your very good point, kitten.

  3. Voluntary or not

    The difference between a cultural norm of submission and yours is choice. Some women in Japan may choose to live as you do, I assume however that there are some who don’t. Removing the option to choose, how you live, with whom, and otherwise how you define your relationship, I believe, is the primary difference between cultures and societies that value individual freedom and those who stress other traditions.

    In any case, although you may find the life of a slave simpler (and I find my life, although not simpler, is more enjoyable as a Master) I think the choice should be left to how the couple chooses to live their life.

  4. Yes, Japan is just a breeding ground for submission. Although the younger generation aren’t quite as into as the older folk, there’s still more than enough social pressure to ensure that women cater to the men for years to come πŸ™‚

    I agree with the ‘equal in means of command’- there’s nothing worse than two people trying to steer the ship at the same time. It just makes things a lot easier in my opinion for one to do it.

    Choice…yes, I think that is the ultimate difference, as a choice that I can’t exercise isn’t really a choice at all, is it?

  5. Thanks for the comment mel, and I think you articulated it very well. I can see from what you’ve written that living as property was different for you and I guess ultimately whether or not there is a difference depends on what your domly one does and wants you to do. In my case, Master doesn’t dictate to me what to do and I don’t generally clean in fetish wear or bondage (but it’s a nice idea πŸ˜‰

    I do agree with the ‘masculine place’ part though. If we were married I would have stamped my taste all over the place, but as it is, I don’t feel it’s my place to change things to suit me.


  6. Re: Voluntary or not

    Your comment is very true and once again it points out the very important fact that there isn’t ‘one twue way’ of doing anything. I just found the similarities in my experiences startling.

    Recently I’ve also been reading a lot of things about ‘getting back to the basics of service in slavery’ as though ensuring that someone’s glass was always filled was only limited to a slave duty. From a modern ‘western’ perspective that may be true, but in other cultures, it’s still the norm.


  7. You know as a wife.. even BEFORE we were married – LONG before D/s (we were always kinky in the bedroom) entered our relationship – LOL I always did this, fix his meals and make him comfortable – serve his food, make sure his glass is full.. keep the house together – I dont work now but before I did it all w/ a fulltime job to boot. I did it because I LOVE him. I do it still because I LOVE HIM. LOL that part of our relationship.. doesnt have to change.

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