The simple answer? Because they have to be.
But perhaps some explanation is warranted.
(So just before I launch into a stupendous display of presenting an argument, let me just say that I did have a bit of a discussion with myself about whether I should be posting on this topic or not…seeing that there is a Mistress B. shopping trip in the works…lol)
But anyway, the explanation.
My thoughts on the matter are pretty much tied up in society’s taboos and expectations of the role of the sexes. In short, men are trained not to hit women, to mow the lawn and fix the car and provide flowers, romantic dinners for two and that elusive thing called ‘foreplay’. Women are trained to have a career and family, fight for equality, run at the first sign of abuse and be beautiful, demure and raunchy all at the same time. Those are pretty damn big generalizations, but sum up, quite well I think, where the sexes are in society at this point in time.
Violence is not something that is looked upon well. Especially from men. A woman might slap a man across the face for lying to her and that’s ok, but heaven forbid that a man do it- he’s then some sort of heinious woman-basher. We have two very different ideas about what is ‘ok’ for a man to do and what is ‘ok’ for a woman to do. As a result, men don’t really need to lift more than a finger to be breaking the taboos of a society, but a woman needs to do a lot more to get the same ‘oohs’ and ‘ahhs’.
For a man, who is not a sadist at heart, beating someone in a bdsm context is tricky. Hurting women is just something that you don’t do. Even a bit of ‘roughing up’ and a few whacks on the botty with the palm of one’s hand count as a beating – and heaven forbid if you slap a woman across the face! The SSC bloodhounds would sniff you out in a minute if you did that in public.
Most men have got a finely-tuned sense that hurting a woman is not ‘ok’ thanks to society beating it into them and therefore a certain amount of restraint is called for on their part. Women, on the other hand, don’t need to have that restraint, because they haven’t had society whispering in their ear telling them that beating a man is wrong.
There is also a certain amount of ‘making up for being a woman’ that female dominants have to do. Generally they are automatically on the back foot in terms of being the one ‘in control’ and the most ‘powerful one’ in the relationship. Therefore a fair amount of ‘more is better’ seems to be called for as far as exotic pleasures go.
I’ve often heard the comment that male subs are ‘more submissive’ than females. They get trampled, CBT, rammed up the ass with all sorts of things and still they are licking their Mistresses boots and thanking them for the opportunity to serve. This is also because I think that a lot of men really need to be treated like absolute crap in order to feel like the ‘lower one’ or the one that doesn’t have ‘the power’. It takes just that much more for them to feel submissive and the woman not having the restraint is happy to oblige with all manner of nasty things. In my case, it doesn’t take very much at all for me to feel submissive- a grope here, a look there and I know what I am. I’m not quite sure it works the same with guys.
But just to make it clear, I’m not making any judgements whatsoever here. These are all just thoughts I’ve had based on things I’ve witnessed and things people on both sides of the fence have said to me. I’m not saying that one is better than the other, just that generally in my experience, women *are* crueller.
Just my two cents.