Next year

One week down and five to go on prac. I’ve decided that six weeks is definitely too long. But the question that is on my mind constantly as the weeks roll by is, what am I going to do once uni is all over?

Money is always an issue whether you are in an M/s or a vanilla relationship. Although my fantasies of slavery placed me at home cleaning, scrubbing and doing his bidding 24/7 the reality is can we afford to do that and do I want more than that anyway?

Master has told me of a Mistress he knows who has several slaves living in cages in her house. Upon entering their life of slavery they turned all their wealth over to her and truly became her property. A favourite is chosen to sleep on the floor by her bed at night and the others are locked into their cages under the house. These kind of scenarios always make me think about the banalities of what will happen to those slaves if anything happens to go wrong and what sort of a life is that to lead. While I am a slave, I’m not locked away from the world and I do play a part in society.

I had the opposite situation with my previous owner. I went out and worked shift work either starting before dawn or finishing after midnight. He took all of the money that I made and used it to pay off  his mounting debts and occasionally surprised me by bringing home a new tv set or ordering samurai swords off ebay. Meanwhile I’d often get calls at work from the real estate agent saying that the rent hadn’t been paid. And what was he doing during all of this? Playing computer games. Eventually he had to go out and work in a job that I got for him and which I later regretted getting for him because he sat around there and played games too, while I had to do what he was supposed to be doing a lot of the time.

Yes, I was stupid and naive but I guess some part of me wanted so badly to be a part of a D/s relationship and after all, I’d left my husband and everything I’d known for the last ten years and I’d be damned if I wasn’t going to get what I’d been promised! So I stuck with it, hoping that he would change and I’d get to live the life of slavery that I’d dreamed about for so long. But obviously I was just being used and he had no intention of entering in a ‘fair’ relationship with me from the beginning

The staying in an obviously bad relationship deal is such a cliche and I’m quite embarassed that I did it too.  ‘Better the devil you know’ really is true in a lot of cases and I guess for me I was scared of being on my own with no money and nothing to show for the past months. I ended up living like that for a year and then it just got too much for me so I asked him to remove my collar (it was another one of those lockable ones and thus my issue with lockable collars began), packed my bags and left. 

I have a very different situation with Master and if I’d been smarter I would have come here a lot sooner. Master wasthe one I was bitching to and asked advice of during all that crap with my previous owner. He didn’t try to lure me away or whisper sweet promises of slavery in my ear or anything, he just lent me a patient, understanding ear and helped me on several occasions to ‘start again’ with my owner. Of course, no amount of starting again would of helped that relationship, but he was very supportive anyway.

With Master I’m in the interesting situation that I don’t necessarily have to go to work. If I worked, we’d be able to put some money aside for holidays and superannuation and things, but an income from me is not required for us to live per se. So I’ve often thought what it would be like to be his full-time bitch. During school holidays and things there have been times when I’ve been home and able to meet and greet him everyday and keep the house tidy and those times have been really nice. But they have been limited periods and I wonder what doing that for months would be like. Would I feel fulfilled in being able to serve him fully without the additions of income and a working life, with its associated social connections for me?

The other option for me would of course be to work from home. I worked from home as a translator in Japan and theoretically it would be possible here too. To that end I’m taking an accreditation test on the 9th November, to give myself some more options for next year. Not quite sure when I’ll have time to study for it, but I’ll give it a go anyway.

So at the moment, next year is very up in the air for me, but one thing’s for sure….I ain’t gonna be a high school teacher…they don’t pay you enough for that abuse!

8 thoughts on “Next year

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  1. thoughts in my head as well

    I just posted recently about this same idea/problem… kicking myself for not leaving sooner, being pissed at myself for not walking away before I had regrets… being angry for allowing myself to be treated the way I was… *sigh*

    I’m so glad that you are in a situation that is better, that makes you happy…

    And y’know what? Being a teacher DOES suck… and doesn’t give you enough pay… and I’m sorry you’re having shit with that – it indicates to me that perhaps your mentor teacher isn’t doing a good job either… I have a student teacher in my class right now, and I’m very impressed… and the kids like her too… but I’m also in there as well. Not sure how it works down under.

    ok! Well.

    Rambliness off.

  2. Re: thoughts in my head as well

    Thanks for the comment (^v^)

    My mentor teacher for this prac is great – highly organzied and just a great lady. It’s just me. I have absolutely no patience for anyone who doesn’t want to be in my classroom or learn. With adults you can just say “It’s up to you, but I’m getting paid whether you want to learn or not!” and I did say that on many occasions, but with kids they don’t let you do that…lol.

    And yes, smart people do silly things all the time, like not valuing themselves and putting up with more shit than they should have to. *hugs*


  3. know how you feel…

    My wife/submissive and I have been down this road before. We were fortunate to be on the same page about finances. Both of us work to pay the bills and we could not make it work on one income. Thank you for your insight, we truely enjoy reading your blog.

    ~Grizzly Bear

  4. dearest subtle …

    What a great post! i relate on many levels and i’ll try to be brief in commenting(i said “try” *S*) …

    1) Oh i’ve heard that first one before — the situation you described which is what some “Doms” (and i use the title lightly) have shrewdly called having a “money slave”. They purport this idea that its just another off-shoot of enslavement — BE FOREWARNED — its basically financial blood-letting.

    2) And still! i was in a similar predicament and i too eventually asked for my freedom — i am not a victim (regardless of self-pity and self-loathing on occasion *S*) — and you have to remember, you were SMART enough and w/ enough self-respect to GET OUT of an unhealthy relationship but not before always realizing that you NEEDED it THEN and you GREW from it. i have no regrets about anything ever. i always gain something and hey, you could say that in a way, i have “paid for services rendered”. *S*

    3) Oh how beautiful these musings of yours re: what it would be like … living in the cage under the house … the wondering about safety and what if.s … and its great but how about 24/7, no work, no career, no social interactions as you know it now. i contemplate this sometimes when after my weekends w/ Master, return home and think, hmmm … i sure do love being relegated to ONLY using a litterbox when w/ Him but it sure is nice to get to come home and use a toilet sometimes. *S*

    i could go on and on. This post was as if you took up a seat in my brain and had a chat or self-talk.

    Kind regards!

  5. Lol…so many people are saying the same thing!

    Interesting enough, we had about 200 people enrolled in the course at the beginning of the year, but after the first prac the number dropped to about 150. Before this prac there were just over 100 people, but how many of those are actually going to be teaching next year?

    It’s just not worth all the crap you have to do/put up with.


  6. Re: know how you feel…

    Thanks for the comment and kind words!

    I think a lot of people are in the same situation with both needing to work in order to survive financially. The reality is that it’s getting harder and harder to make ends meet.


  7. Re: dearest subtle …

    Thanks for the comment (^v^)

    I don’t actually have any regrets either. ‘Financial blood-letting’ (love the term!) was a learning experience and helped me grow in some ways so I do see it as a positive thing.

    With Master being away for 3 nights of the week at present I’m finding that it does present its own challenges because when he’s not here, I fall back into my old patterns of doing what I want, when I want and then when he is here, it’s so hard to get back into ‘slave mode’. Having him here all the time and not being able to slip out of slave mode is the easiest situation for me, but for the rest of this year at least, he’ll be away from home.


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