So it’s looking like Master will be doing his ‘two nights away, one night home’ thing at least for the rest of this year. This is not a prospect that sounds like fun or something that I will find even slightly enjoyable. And recently, to make things worse, I’ve been too busy for us to have any play even when he is home and this brings up an important question- if your slave is super busy, do you leave her alone to do her thing or do you do what you want, when you want regardless?
I remember having this ‘discussion’ once with my former owner. I was doing shit-long hours at work and then coming home to do translation work after work and on my days off. I was stressed and I wrote a slightly critical blog post about the fact that I wasn’t being used and he responded with “Well, you were busy, so I left you alone. Isn’t that what you wanted?”
In all honesty, then and now, I still don’t know what the answer to that question is. I swing violently from one extreme of “Gotta get this done, not enough time, can’t stop” to “Yeah, I’m busy, but he could still play with me!! Why isn’t he playing with me????”
This week on two occasions, I asked Master for release privileges, which he graciously granted. I then got so caught up in trying to finish what I was doing that by the end of a long day I was too tired to get into the mood for a release so they expired. While talking to him on the phone I had been pulled back into that nice little ‘slave head-space’ that gives me twinges in my cunt and makes me horny as hell, prompting me to make a request for the releases, but once I’d hung up the phone and was ‘released back into the wild’ a nice juicy release was the last thing on my mind.
‘Out in the wild’, when I’m left to my own devices and slavery is pushed back into the depths of my mind, I can quite successfully fool myself into believing that I don’t really need any of it- the chains, the collar, the kneeling and grovelling. I can go for quite long periods of time without play and without a need for being put into my proper place. And that lets me get on with the job at hand and deal with the business of life. But if there is even the slightest hint of ‘slave stuff’ even at the periphery of my mind, that starts the wheels turning and the little voices beginning muttering and that’s what happens when I talk to Master on the phone or when he is here in person.
When I woke up this morning, my slave switch still hadn’t been flipped entirely to ‘on’. I unchained myself from the bed, made some coffee and toast and sat down to read blogs. If the switch had been fully on, I would have bounded into Master’s room, jumped on his bed will my tongue lolling out the side of my mouth in expectation that he was going to start his morning interrogation session and something would be shoved into my greedy hole.
I’d just finished my toast when he emerged with cane in hand, ‘My bed, NOW!’ Prodding me along with the cane in my lower back and swatting me playfully across the bum, he herded me onto his bed and into position.
A light caning that still had me squirming and sucking in air between my teeth followed and then the interrogation began. Amongst the words spoken to me and questions asked, Master commented,
‘I should just do what I want with you. All you’re good for is to be caged and chained, beaten and used.’
Part of me was longing to hear that and another part of me groaned inside, “But when am I going to finish my worksheets?”
That damn slavery switch…it just complicates everything.