Friday afternoon. I was waiting for Master to come and pick me up and attempting to finish my worksheet making/ planning for next week. All the other teachers had disappeared from the school grounds as fast as their cars could carry them, except one who poked her head in and asked if I’d started a countdown yet for the end of prac. I didn’t think it would be wise to tell her that I’d had a countdown going on my msn since week one, so I just said that I was glad it was the last week. She then launched into an anecdote about her experience on prac and how she’d nearly failed because her mentor teacher was a complete and utter bastard to her and how much better it was once you had your own class:

“You can just put your mask on, go into the classroom and do your little performance.”

With that revelation she said bye and left. I, meanwhile was left sitting there thinking,

Yes, we all have a mask, but which one is really you and which one is the mask?

I’ve talked a little bit before about how apparently a lot of people involved in education are into bdsm. Her comment about the ‘mask’ made me wonder if that was the reason why. Masks let us be something we are not for a limited period of time. A teacher puts on the mask of ‘all-seeing, all-knowing wise one’ for the duration of the class and a slave or a dom puts on a mask whenever they play. It seemed natural to think that it would be easy for someone who was used to spending a great deal of their working lives behind a mask, to crave one in their private lives as well.

In many ways I see bdsm as ‘playing a role’. No matter how many times I read blogs saying otherwise, for 99.999% of us I believe it’s not possible to ‘be’ a sub or a dom 24/7. There’s that other big thing called life which doesn’t allow us to live out our lives in a cage -with removal only for periods of sexual service- or to while away the days being waited on hand and foot by a plethora of gorgeous naked women. The reality is that we put on our masks and perform our roles for the allotted time then put the mask away and go about the task of living life.

I’ve always enjoyed being something I’m not. I even went through that whole angsty teenager thing of wanting to be on the stage and did drama at school and became a member of of the local theatre group. It was probably during this time that I got a taste for the pleasure of putting on a mask and having the freedom to be something I wasn’t.

My little ‘breaking’ event which occurred several weeks ago, left me feeling very raw and vulnerable- as though everything had been stripped away, both literally and figuratively. The masks had been peeled from me like layers off an onion and there I was, nothing more and nothing less than what I really was. I keep harping on aboutit, but the whole experience really shook me to the core. Now I’m beginning to think that I even have different masks in my slavery and each one gives me a different set of attributes and strengths. The other night at the party, I probably had my ‘tough slut’ mask on instead of the ‘slightly wussie slut’ mask I’ve had on since then.

But I keep wondering so what is the real me? 

Was that the real me that night when I was broken, or are there still layers of masks that need to be removed? 

Only time will tell I guess.


7 thoughts on “Masks

Add yours

  1. i like my mask, it allows me the freedom to be the one who has people stop and look, not to poke fun at me but to be in awe of me, a bit self centered i know, though when you have been on the end of constant ribbing over a lot of years because of body shape and looks, i think i can be, smiles.
    great post kitten.

  2. I absolutely love this post. It’s exquisitely written and poignantly accurate. Thank you for putting into words all that has been swarming in my head. You have had some really interesting posts lately!

    Ps- Congrats!

  3. Thanks for the comment, toy! I’m always slightly amused by how my ‘deep and meaningful’ posts attract less comments…lol.

    Hope to see some more of your blog thoughts soon.


  4. Deep and..

    Meaningfull post attract less simply as few are able or perhaps willing to detract from something that is heartfelt and exposes meaningful truths.

    When I or any of those in my circle post something and receive little recognition We simply conclude we have touched on something others are unable to express.

    A more simple or eloquent demonstration of respect I have rarely found.

    Congrats on graduation, and your rewards…

  5. Re: Deep and..

    You bring up an interesting point, Rarius.

    I have to say that I often read blogs too and don’t have anything to say in response. Sometimes it is because the blogger has expressed things so eloquently that nothing else needs to be said, and sometimes because I just don’t have any thoughts on the matter.

    But as a blogger, I’m a comment whore and always like to know what people think, so thanks for the comment and the congrats! Lol.


  6. Re: Deep and..

    one last piece, then I go back to giving finals…

    Only the intellegent animal plays, the educated animal plays all the more.

    A stimulization to the senses, the mind become paramount in importance.

    humans being intellegent (mostly) require much play, and great amounts of stimulization.

    those in BDSM lifestyles are often educated, intellegent and creative.

    Sex is simply one stimulization, how creative depends on the rest.

    Small surprise then that those in education chose to play in differing ways.

    I wish you well.

  7. Masks

    There’s a great Twilight Zone episode about masks where an old man makes his children where masks for several hours and when they take the masks off their faces look the same as the masks. Wear a mask long enough and you often become that person.

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