Men and stuff

I am now, officially, the ‘Decrapper Extraordinaire’. After three days of constant pawing through boxes of crap and carting said crap out to the lawn by the postbox for city collection, I think I’m done. Well, I’m not actually done, there’s probably a lot more I’d be throwing out if I were allowed to, but Master has reached his tolerance level for parting with things so therefore we are ‘done’. 

As he is a man, I know it’s traumatic for Master to lose things. I can truly feel the heartache at seeing one’s plastic, spider-infested port-a-loo (not used since 1987) out on the verge and the multi-page scanner (bought fifteen years ago, not used for the past seven years and well and truly superseded by my new multifunction hp printer/scanner/ copier) sitting forlornly on the grass. In fact, the loss of the multipage scanner was entirely too much for Master to bear and he brought it back in again *rolls eyes skyward*.

Men and stuff.
I just don’t get it. I’m yet to meet a man who doesn’t ‘collect’ something- whether it be car parts, computer parts, or just general crap. I know a lot of men will pipe up at this point and say, ‘But what about women and shoes?’ Yes, I own a lot of shoes, but the 23 pairs of boots I wear are for Master’s boot fetish and he was the purchaser of all but 4 pairs. Maybe I’m just a practical slut or something, but I don’t understand the fascination of keeping things that you will never use and which just make cleaning the house a nightmare, and being the one that cleans the house, “We are not amused.” 
Is it a way of escaping mortality? Does surrounding yourself with things somehow make you less anxious or less fearful of death? Or is it just a way of putting notches on your belt i.e the more I have, the better I am? I really don’t get it. If someone knows, can you let me in on the secret?

Okay, now that I’ve got that off my chest, I can move on to bigger and brighter topics! Yay!

Christmas. Yes, I was a stupid fuckwit and bought Master a suede flogger and clover clamps. It was actually a good thing that I had my horny window open or things could of gotten nasty. I fessed up to Master about having already used the clover clamps on numerous occasions when I was releasing. Sitting there, gleaming in my desk drawer, they just looked too delicious to pass up, so I carefully removed them from the packaging and used those vicious clamps whenever I felt the need. I felt a bit guilty about using something that I was actually intending to give as a present, but kept repeating to myself that I was just ‘building up my tolerance so Master can have some real fun’. What I didn’t realise is that using them yourself and being able to remove them when things just got too ouchie is very,very different to being at the mercy of your domly one, who might just feel the need to tug or move them around and who is gonna leave them on there for as long as he fucking wants. My poor nipples….that’s all I can say.

I spent most of Xmas day proffering my botty for attention and receiving it various forms- hand-spanking, flogging, paddling, caning. I’m sure I could of taken over from Rudolph and led the sleigh with my glowing red botty after the good workout that Master gave it. Following that we had a lovely lunch of salmon and salad and spent the rest of our time chilling out from the heat.  Perth had its hottest Christmas on record with temperatures peaking at nearly 45 (113 fahrenheit) on the 26th. It seemed quite bizarre to see the massive snowstorms etc. in America on the news, while here breathing was enough to make you sweat.

Master bought me an iPod and various accessories, two bottles of perfume and two pairs of boots (not actually sure who they are for…lol). The gifts are all things that I really wanted, so I am one content slave girl. I gave Master some ‘nilla-ish clothes and an electronic desktop calendar. Shopping for his clothes on Christmas Eve, I was once again struck by just how hot a shirt and tie can be. Looking through the racks of ties for something to match his shirt, I actually think I was puddling. Mmm…’s clothes…definitely rank up with ear cleaning.

New Year’s Eve we’re heading off to a dungeon party and hopefully I’ll get beaten into the new year. Fingers crossed for me!


21 thoughts on “Men and stuff

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  1. the fascination of keeping things that you will never use and which just make cleaning the house a nightmare, and being the one that cleans the house, “We are not amused.”

    68 pairs of socks. Eleven fishing poles (three of them broken, one of them with a terribly snarled reel). A fax machine from the 1980s. Four pairs of completely unwearable “yardwork shoes.” And the capper is the THREE paint sprayers, only one of which even starts up. I am forbidden to throw these things out. WHY is this? It is a mystery.

    Your holiday sounds like it was a spanking good time. (Sorry, that’s my worst but only pun of the day!) I wish you a lovely new year.

  2. I do, actually, get part of why he refuses to toss out the obviously useless stuff. I don’t suggest that this is The Great Answer, but in his case, he tends to see these items as markers of times past and successes won. The fax was his first sole-proprietor fax. The yardwork shoes all marked large projects of fantastic landscaping, of which he is justifiably proud. The paint sprayers were a testament to painting a large house, for which they are really not designed. Each of these things represents an achievement, and tossing them out would disrespect the achievement. They’re relics in the most classic sense.

    But that doesn’t explain the socks.

  3. The reason is that guys can actually fix gadgets (or want the world to believe they can), so a broken gadget is just something to be repaired.

    A dead car is a source of parts to fix the other dead car…

    And the older we get, the more we hope that having a broken part or two isn’t a reason to discard the whole, because the older we get, the more “broken parts” we have ourselves 🙂

  4. Thankfully my Master doesn’t mind my de-cluttering. As long as I don’t throw out His collectibles that He has in storage in the closets… (He collects Godzilla, Hellraiser, and Boba Fett memorabilia.) He doesn’t care. I remember about a 2 years ago, I went through two of the closets and our kitchen and I swear I had about 8 bags of crap to throw out. A broken printer, a broken blender, a broken seal-vac… things I didn’t even know where in there! That was shortly after I moved in. He did not huff. He just played His video games and let me throw it all out.

    By the way, you replacing Rudolph, while strapped to a sleigh backwards so your ass is leading the way is a visual that made me giggle. 🙂

  5. Heh. This made me laugh. Master has piles of thing I’m forbidden to even look it. They make my brain itch.

    And clovers. Hate em myself, unless, as you said, I’m the one doing the nipple torturing, then I rather enjoy them. 😀

  6. “out on the verge and the multi-page scanner (bought fifteen years ago, not used for the past seven years and well and truly superseded by my new multifunction hp printer/scanner/ copier) sitting forlornly on the grass. In fact, the loss of the multipage scanner was entirely too much for Master to bear and he brought it back in again *rolls eyes skyward*.”

    I just wonder which of the two printers or scanner will last from past experience my hp printer/scanner/ copier lasted only 12 months while my trusted my noisy brother laser printer and dysan scanner purchased 10 years ago has never given me a problem ….


  7. I know exactly what you mean about those damn clover clamps! When I put them on myself, placed *exactly right* for just the *exactly right* length of time, then I think ‘ooo yummy…’ When *he* gets his hands on them I HATE them!

    And oddly enough, Amo is not a keeper-of-stuff (other than wood and tools). I am very grateful for this – one packrat in the household is enough!

  8. i dont horde stuff, moved too many times to have accumulated too much, which suits me, but maybe its the $$$$$ spent over the years and not sentimentality of the goods being tossed out, he might see the $$$$$ being put to the curb and not the actual items.

  9. We have a house, shed and garage full of crap. One of the things I least understand why we keep is text books, and all the school work like projects, notes and stuff we have. I know we laboured over that stuff for years at uni, so maybe that’s why we kept it, but the last thing I want to do now is go over it. We need to have a bonfire.

    Hope you have a great time New Year’s Eve, I’m envious.

  10. Decluttering

    Well l have decluttered before getting rid of High School and University papers and books and given away old computers.

    Part of the problem is l used to own a Bed & Breakfast with 3 cottages which had microwave, tv, steroes, vhs players and so on plus crockery and bedding which for variety of reasons went bust. My parents in packing up the place after l left for Perth in 2004, packed everything and l mean everything and shipped it to me, l had left it behind for the new owners to use. Plus l was storing stuff for my ex partner, her adult daughter and friend of my ex partner who had to go home to Scotland in 2005 as her mother was dying but hasn’t returned to Australia.

    I have also kept some stuff like the high speed Sheet scanner, and other small business equipment like a heat machine for melding plastic covers over documents etc which kitten chucked out and l would have preferred she kept as they are handy things to have.

    Anyway we have decluttered and l have identified things we can ebay or cash convert rather than put on the front lawn for rubbish collection.


  11. I seem to go through this ‘de-crapping ritual’ with every male that I live with. I move in and think ‘Well, it’s his stuff, I won’t touch it’ and then as the months go by my fingers just itch to throw the crap out and get some space.

    Ass-leading is as good as nose-leading any day I say 🙂


  12. I remember when you were ‘cleaning’ out your basement to turn it into your bedroom and you were discussing crap and powertools. It just seems to be a man thing.

    Master also has enough power tools to build a small third-world country, but I don’t think my ass would survive very long if they suddenly started appearing out on the curb 😉


  13. Me too! I’ve moved, on average, every 12-18 months over the past ten years, so I’ve had ample opportunities to cull and cull some more. I see moving as an opportunity to get down to the bare bones of what I actually want and need.

    Funnily enough though, Master has managed to move his crap over several states and he still has crap at his parent’s house! Lol.

    And yes, every time I suggest something go out a little conversation like this starts:

    ‘But I paid $700 for that!’
    ‘In 1981’
    “Do you use it?”
    ‘No. But it *can* be used.’
    “Will you use it?”

    *rolls eyeballs skywards.


  14. I had all my uni notes and stuff filed away ‘just in case’, but then I realised that it was just a pile of crap so I just kept the stuff I was interested in and chucked the rest out- not a cleansing bonfire, just an unromantic plastic bagging.

    Hope you have a great New Year’s Eve too!


  15. I don’t object at all to things being recycled and repaired- if the male figure in question actually can and *will* repair the broken gadget/dead car.

    The ‘will and a way’ part seems to be lacking in a lot of males and so the piles of crap keeps growing – seemingly just to annoy the women folk.


  16. Good point. If Master told me to keep something, I always made a point of asking, “Why?”

    Unfortunately, the answer that came back to me numerous times was not, “Oh, I saved the life of an elderly neighbour by making a helicopter out of that multipage scanner and some string.”

    It was always,

    (^v^) k

  17. Re: Decluttering

    Awww sweetie pumpkin Master! I’m very proud of how much you actually let me throw away and I know you’re just as pleased about having three functioning bedrooms now, instead of two functioning bedrooms and one bedroom drowning in crap.

    And I apologized more than once, and profusely at that, about putting out the *laminator* (I believe that’s what you meant by the heat machine for melding plastic covers over documents (^v^)If they hadn’t of come and snipped off the power cable, I would of reclaimed it asap.


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