Ho hum

 Ho hum. It’s 2008. Another year, another notch on the timeline.

So what have I got planned for 2008? Absolutely nothing. And it seems to be that thought that has me thinking all sorts of other things. Things like, ‘What the fuck am I doing?’

It’s probably not the best time to be thinking such dire thoughts, being that I’m in red plague season and suffering from a touch of subbie drop after my New Year’s beating, but I’ve come to the conclusion that bdsm is not going to solve a thing in my life. It’s not going to solve my body image issues, my intimacy issues, the lack of direction in life, my former husband guilt issues or any of the myriad of things that are eating away at my soul. While slave and salve might look like alarmingly similar concepts, slavery is not a salve that I can spread over my life and have all my problems magically disappear.

I might be wrong, but I think that a lot of people get into bdsm because they see it as some ‘solution’ to their life. They feel that something is not quite right and go out looking for an answer. There are also the folks who have a fantastic life but who just feel that something is missing. For the folks in the latter group, bdsm can be that missing thing and once they’ve found it, life is good all round. But for the folks who want the slave to be their salve, it ain’t gonna happen. In fact, I think that this is the first and foremost reason why so many of these relationships fizzle out.

We go into bdsm relationships with such high expectations – that with it our life will be complete and everything will be perfect. And in particular the pressure on the dominant to ‘make everything right’ is immense. On this point, even Master has been a victim of his own thinking. He believes that whenever a slave is ‘bad’ it’s the dominant’s fault. I, on the other hand, believe that ultimately you can never control another person’s behaviour (i.e. you can’t make someone do anything if they really don’t want to) and it takes two to tango, therefore it’s a fifty/fifty thing. The only person who can really tell you what to do is yourself and the only person who can change you is you.

Yes, I’ve often thought that it would be nice if Master dictated how I lived my life. If he controlled what I ate and where I went and what I did. Although I have to ask to have treats and drink alcohol and go out to places, Master has never said “No”, or he has said “No” and then somewhere between ten and sixty minutes later, he has said “Yes” (just to ‘exercise’ his Masterly rights) Being the slightly anal OCD bitch that I am, micro-management is something that appeals to me. But in hindsight I realise that I would only be able to cope with that if it was micro-management in the way that I liked it…lol.

So, what does all this thinking mean for me? Well, I think I have to stop relying on Master so much to ‘make me happy’ and take the bull by the horns so to speak. I know that I’m only going to be really happy if everything in my life is as I want it- if I have a job I enjoy, live in a place I like, friends to socialise with and have a healthy bdsm relationship. Having a bdsm relationship doesn’t make up for a shitty job or a shitty place to live therefore it’s all got to be good for it to work. 

Bdsm is not the holy grail, the elusive ticket to the ‘bright side of life’, life is only what you make it.

 

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8 thoughts on “Ho hum

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  1. Your life you call

    your always going to be responsible for your own life

    you have to decide what you like about yourself, what you don’t like, what you can change or what you can learn to live with.

    your responsible for deciding are your needs being met and if not what your going to do about that.

    people love to blame God, Fate, people who don’t like them for what’s wrong in their life 9 out of 10 times its something only they can influence or fix and nothing to do with others.

    Don’t like your current job find another one, dont like the colour of your house re-paint it, don’t like your wardrobe buy a new one.

    your a slave as that was what you wanted to be, why you wanted to be slave and what it means to you are known only unto you at the end of the day.

    you’ve made decisions before about your life, go to live in Japan, stay in Japan, get married, get divorced, become a slave, leave Alice Springs, come to Perth, so you got the capacity and ability to make decisions and to review the ones you made and make fresh ones.

    if your unhappy only got yourself to blame (well you got me as well)

    but l am sure you have also the capacity to make yourself happy

    as l know you make me happy

    Master

  2. I think you look great naked, but I’m sure I’m not the first to tell you that. I understand your body issues, I have my own. Being correct weight doesn’t mean there’s no cellulite or droopiness. But I’ve learnt this about myself: I can’t be fucked doing enough exercise to look like Gillian from The Biggest Loser, and I love food, so I will never be skinny. I’m trying to accept my body now the way it is. (Although I am on a diet at the moment!)

    As for the rest, I don’t have a dream job, I certainly don’t have a dream house, but experiences in my life have taught me to enjoy the little things in life, the blue sky, the taste of the coffee, even the smile of a stranger. I try hard to find something positive in all that I do. (Haven’t perfected it yet, cracked the shits with the kids last night when they were giving me a hard time!)

    Not trying to preach, it seems you know what you need to do, just giving you my two bob’s worth 🙂

  3. Yeppers.

    It’s hard not to rely on someone else’s continuous outpourings of approval (and frightening to realize what ends you’ll go to to get them). Being strong largely sucks, but it’s part of learning how to be whole.

    (talking out her ass, and just as damaged as the rest of the world)

  4. well said.

    I have problems of my own. I discovered my desire for the TPE, BDSM after I have been married, have kids, to a vanilla and somewhat puristanic lady but a great person in all aspects. My desire has always been there ( I remeber incidences when I was young with allude to this lidfestyle) but it just did not come out untiil too late and I am trapped.

    On theother hand, I am a switch which make me somewaht a deviant in the true bdsm lifestyle (is it?). I enjoy the sensation and feeling of being dom ad dom. Life is tough.

  5. I totally hear what you are saying (finding joy in the small things) but in practise it’s so hard to do! I just get so focussed on the negatives sometimes that I can’t see the flowers for the weeds.

    k

  6. I have a feeling that I used to be a lot stronger when I could make my own decisions and do what I wanted…lol.

    (talking out her ass, and just as damaged as the rest of the world)

    Thanks for making me smile (^v^)

    k

  7. Hmmm…does being a switch make you deviant? Being a slave myself, I find it hard to understand how people can switch, but believe me, you’re not alone. It seems that switching is the ‘in’ thing to do…lol.

    I was lucky in that I didn’t have kids, so when I left my husband it was a fairly clean break. I would have been trapped otherwise.

    I guess you need to decide what is the most important thing to you- is it bdsm or your marriage and family? In your case, I don’t think the two can co-exist if your partner is ‘vanilla and puristanic’. I tend to see a lot of people who wait until their children are older and then go down the bddsm path. Good luck on whatever you decide to do.

    k

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