Ho hum. It’s 2008. Another year, another notch on the timeline.
So what have I got planned for 2008? Absolutely nothing. And it seems to be that thought that has me thinking all sorts of other things. Things like, ‘What the fuck am I doing?’
It’s probably not the best time to be thinking such dire thoughts, being that I’m in red plague season and suffering from a touch of subbie drop after my New Year’s beating, but I’ve come to the conclusion that bdsm is not going to solve a thing in my life. It’s not going to solve my body image issues, my intimacy issues, the lack of direction in life, my former husband guilt issues or any of the myriad of things that are eating away at my soul. While slave and salve might look like alarmingly similar concepts, slavery is not a salve that I can spread over my life and have all my problems magically disappear.
I might be wrong, but I think that a lot of people get into bdsm because they see it as some ‘solution’ to their life. They feel that something is not quite right and go out looking for an answer. There are also the folks who have a fantastic life but who just feel that something is missing. For the folks in the latter group, bdsm can be that missing thing and once they’ve found it, life is good all round. But for the folks who want the slave to be their salve, it ain’t gonna happen. In fact, I think that this is the first and foremost reason why so many of these relationships fizzle out.
We go into bdsm relationships with such high expectations – that with it our life will be complete and everything will be perfect. And in particular the pressure on the dominant to ‘make everything right’ is immense. On this point, even Master has been a victim of his own thinking. He believes that whenever a slave is ‘bad’ it’s the dominant’s fault. I, on the other hand, believe that ultimately you can never control another person’s behaviour (i.e. you can’t make someone do anything if they really don’t want to) and it takes two to tango, therefore it’s a fifty/fifty thing. The only person who can really tell you what to do is yourself and the only person who can change you is you.
Yes, I’ve often thought that it would be nice if Master dictated how I lived my life. If he controlled what I ate and where I went and what I did. Although I have to ask to have treats and drink alcohol and go out to places, Master has never said “No”, or he has said “No” and then somewhere between ten and sixty minutes later, he has said “Yes” (just to ‘exercise’ his Masterly rights) Being the slightly anal OCD bitch that I am, micro-management is something that appeals to me. But in hindsight I realise that I would only be able to cope with that if it was micro-management in the way that I liked it…lol.
So, what does all this thinking mean for me? Well, I think I have to stop relying on Master so much to ‘make me happy’ and take the bull by the horns so to speak. I know that I’m only going to be really happy if everything in my life is as I want it- if I have a job I enjoy, live in a place I like, friends to socialise with and have a healthy bdsm relationship. Having a bdsm relationship doesn’t make up for a shitty job or a shitty place to live therefore it’s all got to be good for it to work.
Bdsm is not the holy grail, the elusive ticket to the ‘bright side of life’, life is only what you make it.