Happy Australia Day

You know you’re Australian if …

1. You know the meaning of the word “girt”.

2. You believe that stubbies can be either drunk or worn.

3. You think it’s normal to have a leader called Kevin.

4. You waddle when you walk due to the 53 expired petrol discount vouchers stuffed in your wallet or purse.

5. You’ve made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for something illegal such as watering the garden.

6. You believe it is appropriate to put a rubber in your son’s pencil case when he first attends school.

7. When you hear that an American “roots for his team” you wonder how often and with whom.

8. You understand that the phrase “a group of women wearing black thongs” refers to footwear and may be less alluring than it sounds.

9. You pronounce Melbourne as “Mel-bin”.

10. You pronounce Penrith as “Pen-riff”.

11. You believe the “l” in the word “Australia” is optional.

12. You can translate: “Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way to Maccas.”

13. You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep.

14. You call your best friend “a total bastard” but someone you really, truly despise is just “a bit of a bastard”.

15. You think “Woolloomooloo” is a perfectly reasonable name for a place.

16. You’re secretly proud of our killer wildlife.

17. You believe it makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that’s twice as big as its $2 coin.

18. You understand that “Wagga Wagga” can be abbreviated to “Wagga” but “Woy Woy” can’t be called “Woy”.

19. You believe that cooked-down axlegrease makes a good breakfast spread.

20. You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they stuff up, at which point they again become Kiwis.

21. Hamburger. Beetroot. Of course.

22. You know that certain words must, by law, be shouted out during any rendition of the Angels’ song Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again.

23. You believe, as an article of faith, that the confectionary known as the Wagon Wheel has become smaller with every passing year.

24. You still don’t get why the “Labor” in “Australian Labor Party” is not spelt with a “u”.

25. You wear ugh boots outside the house.

26. You believe, as an article of faith, that every important discovery in the world was made by an Australian but then sold off to the Yanks for a pittance.

27. You believe that the more you shorten someone’s name the more you like them.

28. Whatever your linguistic skills, you find yourself able to order takeaway fluently in every Asian language.

29. You understand that “excuse me” can sound rude, while “scuse me” is always polite.

30. You know what it’s like to swallow a fly, on occasion via your nose.

31. You understand that “you” has a plural and that it’s “youse”.

32. You know it’s not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle.

33. Your biggest family argument over the summer concerned the rules for beach cricket.

34. You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what they call “Anzac cookies”.

35. You still think of Kylie as “that girl off Neighbours“.

36. When returning home from overseas, you expect to be brutally strip-searched by Customs – just in case you’re trying to sneak in fruit.

37. You believe the phrase “smart casual” refers to a pair of black tracky-daks, suitably laundered.

38. You understand that all train timetables are works of fiction.

39. When working on a bar, you understand male customers will feel the need to offer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer.

40. You get choked up with emotion by the first verse of the national anthem and then have trouble remembering the second.

41. You find yourself ignorant of nearly all the facts deemed essential in the government’s new test for migrants.

42. You know, whatever the tourist books say, that no one says “cobber”.

43. And you will immediately forward this list to other Australians, here and overseas, realising that only they will understand.

Happy Australia Day. (pilferred from The Sydney Morning Herald)


10 thoughts on “Happy Australia Day

Add yours

  1. wow. ok so i always knew you were australian, but i just have a whole new image in my head of an australian accented Master, im used to alf stuart of home and away, or engliah doms here, its just amaxed me that reading it so monotone until someone points out things like this…oh and their is a penrith here near me and i pronounce it the same way


  2. Hmmm that ain’t blogging that’s merely cut & pasting

    You are required to blog and whilst the cut & pasting were amusing and entertaining and l scored 25 five year olds and have 58% chance of surviving a Zombie attack you will have no chance of avoiding a caning of the bottie if you don’t post a genuine these are my thoughts and words blog


  3. Wow, that was all absolute jibberish to me – like trinitypup, I’ll have to beg for a translation as well! But Happy Aussie Day nonetheless, and I hope you get to feeling better!

  4. Re: huh? 😉

    Lol…I do find it so amazing that Kylie has never really been popular here (in fact, most of us can’t stand a a bar of her!) but is loved so much by British folk (^v^)


  5. I know… I used to have the whole dom with a Queen’s English accent as my fantasy and I remember when I heard the aussie twangs of my first owner over the phone and I was crushed…lol.

    Fortunately, Master has a more civilized accent and every so often pronounces words with double ‘t’ in them in a decidedly English way (bottom becomes bot’um). My accent has been blurred by years in Japan, the clear annuniciation required when teaching English and was never very twanging to begin with so people are constantly asking me where I’m from….lol.

    Alf Stuart? God….!


  6. I was reading through the list nodding my head and smiling at every single one of them, while you were totally confused. Isn’t it interesting how we speak the same basic language but things can be so different?


  7. I got the one about Kylie (my nana was a huuuge fan of Neighbors and we’d watch it whenever I visited), but the rest…some I can’t even begin to image what they could mean! 🙂

    Also kind of makes me wonder what kind of slang we use here in the U.S. that sounds weird to people overseas… I know that even between me (born in England) and D (born and bred in the U.S. heartland), there are things I say or pronounce that he and his friends think are hilarious. “Buried”, of all things – I’m always getting teased for how I pronounce it.

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