Old rules

While I was home for holidays last month I explained to my mother the rules of the car spotting game:

“You get ten points for old vw bugs, fifteen points for new ones, twenty for a new range rover and fifty for a valiant ute”

“Ok,” she said. ” But what do you do with the points?”

“Umm…well, I get a reduction in the number of strokes I receive if they’re my points and M gets to increase the number of strokes with his points.’

“Wow,” laughing, she responded. “But just one thing….he doesn’t hurt you or anything does he?”

“Yeah, it hurts all the time.”

“But I mean he doesn’t like bruise you or anything does he?”  

“Yeah.”

“And you like it?”

“Not really.”

Shaking her head and laughing. “I think I must of dropped you on your head or something when you were growing up.”

At that point there was some more laughter from both sides and the topic changed.

To be honest, I don’t think that I’d get it either. Reading back over what I said to her that day, I’d be pretty damn well confused and thinking that I was suffering from some head trauma too.

After some thought and some hunting around on-line for a definition that seems to fit, I’ve gone back to the original latin meaning of submit which comes from the word submittere “to yield, lower, let down, put under, reduce,” from sub “under” + mittere “let go, send.”

Now, it may just be me, but I don’t see anything in there about ‘happily, with a big joyous smile on one’s face’ or  ‘with great enthusiasm’. There’s nothing in that definition that says you have to like or enjoy it. Yes, there is an inference of willingness in that the person has to yield (give in, so to speak) or lower themselves, but it says nothing about there being blissful flights of angels to accompany it. You can be put in a situation where you have to yield or lower yourself, just because there is no other choice available to you and that is still submission.

More and more I’m thinking that submission is ‘doing things that you don’t want to do’. I mentioned the other day that I wasn’t broken to my slavery until I was ‘made’ to do something that I would never,ever agree to doing. That to me was a time when there was ‘pure submission’ because I didn’t want to do it 100% but had to do it anyway.

So I don’t like pain and sometimes ‘obeying’ is just a big pain in the ass. That brings us to the big question, “What do I get out of my submission?”

I don’t know is the honest answer. 

I don’t have a burning need to serve and please- of course I prefer Master to be happy than angry or sad, but serving and pleasing are not so much driving needs as requirements of the ‘job’. I can quite happily go for hours laying on the floor watching tv without having to get up every ten minutes to get Master this that or the other (^v^) I don’t need to be serving him in order to feel complete. Making Master coffee doesn’t make me feel complete nor does dressing in slut wear. (I personally think that I look like mutton dressed up as lamb most of the time, so I don’t get a huge amount of enjoyment in pleasing him in that sense. ) I think I get varying degrees of satisfaction more than anything else when I’ve managed to do what is required of me. Making Master cum or getting the froth on his cappuccino just right are things that give me a sense inside that I’ve ‘done good’. It’s that recognition that I enjoy more than the serving and pleasing per se.

There are times when I’ve been beaten when my ‘beating window’ was open and I’ve taken quite a solid beating and it’s never quite made me feel as ‘recognised’ as when I’ve struggled through a light beating. I guess for me I get a stronger sense of submission when it’s not so easy- when I’m doing things that I don’t want to do.

I think there needs to be another word for it. The word ‘submission’ seems to include too much acquiescence for my liking, although I don’t think that ‘Fucking doing crap’ has a good ring to it either. Any thoughts or suggestions?

(thoughts jogged by blogs from kaya and Dakrish – thanks!)

 

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11 thoughts on “Old rules

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  1. Its beyond submisison

    Submission an interesting concept for a submissive but your a slave

    It doesn’t matter what you want like or enjoy, your mine to do with as l please and l do what l want and that’s a significant difference as a submissive does things that in part pleases and satisfies them and their needs.

    Your needs aren’t important or relevant you will simply do as your told when your told to do it or face the consequences.

    You are not submitting, your obeying

    You gave yourself to me totally, in all areas of your life without reservation, to live without choice, without right to withdraw or say NO.

    Yes l can imagine you do get bigger thrill from testing yourself in doing what l want even when you don’t like or enjoy it, its harder to do something you don’t want or like, its a bigger step up than doing something that causes pain but you enjoy the pain or thought of being used.

    You are different to a submissive your at a higher level of submission as you have no control no safe word no escape route.

    Its pure and simple your mine and you have no option but to be mine

    My question to you, is why do you want to be so owned

    Why do you need someone to control and use you to the point where you do not exist.

    You need your collar your brand your leash you need to be made to obey, your past submission your into obedience.

    Just a thought

    Master

  2. i have always thought it was about doing things one didnt want to do, the serving and pleasing are added extras because they are things one does as part of submitting to someone but then again some aspects of service i dont like but i do because i obey….

    your master made this comment…..You are different to a submissive your at a higher level of submission as you have no control no safe word no escape route.

    i dont believe that there is any *higher level*, no one is better than another bacause of the label they wear, many submissives have no safe word, slaves do have an escape route, its out the door, i agree they have no control once they have agreed to give that up, i think a slave is different because they have different needs to submissives, eg…to be totally under the control of another without the need to have control themselves…just my take on it..

  3. Carin

    I am using the term higher level not as better than but as unlike submissive you haven’t the ability to negotiate terms of submission you don’t have a hard limits barrier your 100% in or out no in between or 80%.

    kittens-Master

  4. I’m rather partial to the words ‘surrender’ and ‘conquered’. Like you, submission just doesn’t fit the bill for what floats my boat. I don’t WANT to submit.. I want to be conquered. Submission does little to nothing for me. And while at the heart of it I know it’s not supposed to be about me… *sigh* You see? I just go round and round with it.

  5. Around and around and around. I get sooooo dizzy sometimes too.

    It’s about me, but it’s not supposed to be, but it has to be, but it can’t be, but at the end of the day it is, but it musn’t be! And so on and so forth….

    I like conquered….very nice. I still think we need a more “fitting” term though.

    k

  6. i agree. i prefer to be coerced rather than to submit, but since i agreed to “do the job” regardless, most of the time i do what i’m supposed to do without that feeling of being overwhelmed by him. Its not nearly as much fun that way. 🙂

    That is so, so cool that you can talk to your mom about all of this. My mom passed on several years ago, and i’m trying to picture me talking to her about it. It would be an interesting conversation – to say the least. Maybe one of these days i’ll write her a letter and tell her anyway.

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