…you settle in on a cold and rainy night to watch one of your favourite movies in the world, ‘Secretary’ only to discover that five minutes into it, the disk is faulty and won’t play?
Shesh! What does a girl have to do for some slave girlie home alone entertainment here???
Damn…now I’ve got nothing else to do but blog!
It was a strange day today. Weather-wise it was cold and rainy and so dark that it felt like I was in the twilight zone all day. Since Sunday when daylight savings officially came to a close, I’ve been all out of whack waking up earlier (which is a good thing!) and ‘sensing’ that it’s later than it actually is. I have to say that nothing is more depressing than feeling the days getting shorter and shorter and the temperature dropping. Autumn has to be one of the most depressing months simply because of the fact that the knowledge of summer is still lingering and the fear of winter is hanging in the air. Add to this the fact that most of this damn dry country has autumn leaves that change simply from green to brown (except up in the hills, like my home town does…I think that must be it’s only redeeming feature…) so you don’t even have something pretty to soften the blow and you just have a shitty, depressing season.
The other way that today was strange was the fact that I found my cyber-twin! Strolling through blogs about Japan, I stumbled across a blog by a Canadian woman, living in Tokyo with a Japanese husband. My god, it was eerie. I felt like I was reading about my former life through the eyes of another- and it was complete with pictures! I sent the link to Master and over the next few hours we had a constant conversation on msn about the similarities between her and myself. He was ‘lol’ing it and ‘rofl’ ing it everywhere because I think he thought that I’d embellished some of my stories or that my depictions of actual married life in Japan were slightly coloured. But here was another woman, doing it tough, going to places I’d gone, cooking dishes I’d cooked, being frugal and making the effort to be better than the Japanese-iest Japanese housewife! It was great. Scary….admittedly….but great at the same time.
I lost my friend to Japan on Friday. This was the friend whom I took to Sexpo last year and turned into my ‘bitch’. The friend whom I went to uni with and outed myself to and then helped out her in return! It’s sad. I miss her already. Of course, the fact that I only have one friend doesn’t help matters! Lol. Anyway, she’s gone to Japan for a year to teach English, along with the 200,000 or so other foreigners who go to Japan every year to teach English. I’m sad and also incredibly jealous of her because I don’t think I’ve had my ‘Japan closure’ yet. I left too quickly and with too many strings dangling to say that I’d had enough and was never going back. I suppose that’s why I still talk about Japan…a lot. And why a blog about Japan will sneak in here every so often. I’ve actually been pondering setting up another blog where I can vent all that Japan stuff and get all my stories down in writing before I forget them all.
On the other hand, I’m also not the same person who left Japan nearly three years ago. There are things about my life now that I wouldn’t be comfortable about giving up and I know things wouldn’t be the same even if I did manage to go back. Sometimes I also wonder whether it’s the place or the people that I miss. I had a lot of friends and some of them I’m still very much in contact with. But if I went back, would I still be bitching and moaning like one is wont to do in Tokyo? Or would the bitching and moaning about the nitty gritty of high-density city living be replaced by the joy of being able to return?
A lot of people talk about the ‘Japan bubble’ and the feeling of loss when it bursts. Being in Japan you are special, you’re foreign and everyone wants to be your friend and talk to you. Foreigners are cool and it does manage to pump your ego up a lot. Leave Japan and the bubble bursts. You become the average Joe Blow again and at least in Australia, living is not much cheaper or better than you thought it would be while you were still in Japan.
During an interrogation session the other night I was laying there thinking about Master and me in Japan. Of course, I was pondering all the banal stuff like whether we’d be able to smuggle our toys into the country (wouldn’t they look funny on the x-ray at airport security!) being that Japan is funny about sex stuff. I mean they will confiscate naked pics of women showing pubic hair, because that is apparently ‘not acceptable’. (I won’t mention bukkake or shibari or love hotels with sex toy vending machines or any of that other stuff that originated in Japan….) And although Master says he would like to visit Japan, I really can’t see a man who gets stressed with the ‘crowds’ doing the morning shopping at the local supermarket in Perth surviving there for more than 10 minutes. Although, I never thought my family would survive there either, but survive for a week they did and they still rave about it.
Master says I’m no longer the person that I was and that is true to some extent. But I don’t think that part of me has been erased- it has just been pushed down below the surface a bit.I suppose what I’m trying to say is that I felt a lot more ‘useful’ in Japan, as me. But as kittten, I feel a lot more ‘useful’ here because that type of use just wouldn’t happen, couldn’t happen in Japan. I think to be *really* happy, I need a balance of both types of use. I’m not saying that I’m not happy now, just that I haven’t really had closure and still feel the tug of Nippon.