Black comedy

Hmmm…seems Master didn’t get the joke in my April Fool’s post. He’s a sensitive guy and it’s always a fine line that one- the one between truth and humour.

Of course, there were some elements of both in my last post. The truth being that I don’t get enough bondage (and that’s basically because I probably never could get enough bondage even if it was happening 24/7) and the humour being that I didn’t need a Master and was ready to pack up and go. Sprinkled in amongst all that was a revenge ribbing to Master about the ‘other guy’ who apparently fancies me and a little bit of a vent about a lack of variety in our play.

But more than anything I was trying to point out the fact that while a lack of use (i.e bondage) in my previous relationship was grounds enough for me to leave, it’s not this time because I have a real connection with Master. My need for bondage is something I’m willing to put aside for the other wonderful things we have.  

I’m a fairly impatient bottler and when I want things I want them now and when I don’t get them I simmer away inside like a pressure cooker with the lid not on quite right. I can be absolutely fine on the surface, until one day ‘Bang!’ and the lid shoots off across the room, nearly taking out someone’s eye in the process. Although I try to channel my energies into other things like gym or pandora bracelets ( I really have to stop that last one…) I generally have to scratch my itch myself before things really get out of hand and more people start losing eyes.

Before, I guess, I had super high expectations and still had my head up in the clouds. I imagined that we or more precisely he *should* be doing kinky stuff all day every day and when it didn’t happen that way first, I got into the self-doubt cycle and then I quickly escalated into pressure cooker mode. But I’m a little bit older and wiser now. I know that’s not how things happen and whereas before if a month went by without play I’d be climbing the walls, I’m now just accepting, albeit, a little bit disappointed. In fact, I’d describe it now as though I’m ‘in control’ of my addiction.

It’s tough when you don’t share the same kink. I suppose inevitably you always feel like your significant other is pandering to your wishes. Take for example last weekend when Master asked me, “How’d you like some bondage?” The man *asked* me for pete’s sake! And I also know at the time he wasn’t feeling the best…how does he think I’m going to respond in that situation? I’d rather bondage was taken right off the menu in those situations rather than have it tossed out there half-heartedly in front of me.

Master is into boots, interrogation sessions and canes.That’s his kink and that’s cool but I wonder if he gets sick of the same thing. I mean, I’ve been eating jalapeno omelettes for breakfast for nearly two months now and I’m about at that stage where I’d like achange. I’m sure he’ll say he never gets sick of boots, but, I don’t know, perhaps if we tried other things, he’d also find something else that he liked ( and maybe it would be something I liked too?? (^v^)

Master describes me as ‘precious’ to him, but ultimately I am his slave and nothing more. That’s fine by me. I don’t want a ‘relationship’ and I don’t want to be a ‘couple’. I don’t tell Master that I love him and I’m not sure how he feels about that. Sometimes I have the feeling that he is fishing for me to say something like that to him. I guess if the situation was reversed, I’d want to hear those magic three words too, but I can’t. I find it hard to explain exactly how I feel about him, but I know it’s not as simple as ‘love’. I can’t seem to put him on the same rank as say, chocolate or my family. He’s got an entirely different different rank of his own and I don’t have a label for it. Precious I guess, as being one of my favourite words, might have to do for a label at this time.

So, I guess what I’m trying to say is that while shit may happen I ain’t going anywhere. How does that hit your funny bone?


3 thoughts on “Black comedy

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  1. Well my dear kitten, defines love as follows: (personally I am sure you and master will be pleased with item #4)

    1. A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.
    2. A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance.
    a. Sexual passion.
    b. Sexual intercourse.
    c. A love affair.
    4. An intense emotional attachment, as for a pet or treasured object.
    5. A person who is the object of deep or intense affection or attraction; beloved. Often used as a term of endearment.

    Whichever way you dice it there are so many ways to say I love you without actually saying it. We have all been in relationships where those three words have seemed to mean so much but in the long run have meant so little. It is not until I have found myself in a blissfully happy BDSM relationship that I have found someone who says it to me at least a dozen times a day (and sometimes within ten minutes) and I actually believe him.

    It is the fact that within our “dark side” lives we can truly be ourselves without boundaries and hidden secrets that I think allows for unconditional love. Given to your penchant for quotes from movies when I think of pup I often think of the quote from Jerry Maguire “You complete me” as I am falling asleep wrapped in his arms. [[No kitten’s Master he has still not had a night on the floor at the foot of my bed in puppy fashion – he is much more useful to me in my bed LOL]]

    Looking forward to seeing you guys on the 19th

    Ms Blair

  2. Yes l got the joke comment, l merely say in every joke there is a kernel of truth and so you have to be careful what your saying as to what people will believe is the meaning behind the joke you’ve posted.

    As for lack of bondage yes l don’t give you enough bondage and its something l am going to have to remedy.

    As for asking you, its my way of telling you, remember l am extremely polite Master but if you prefer bitch fetch approach that’s okay too. but that would be play role acting for me.


  3. You know, if you keep writing soppy comments like that people are going to start thinking you’ve gone soft or something…lol.

    I’ve loved a few people in the span of my life but I don’t think I’ve ever been ‘truly’ loved back in the sense that they have known and accepted everything about me as Master does. As you say, a lack of bondaries and hidden secrets allows for unconditional love. Hmmm…I don’t know, I still think I need another word for the ‘bond’ Master and I have – I’d like to differentiate it from the other ‘loves’ of my life (^v^)

    I am happy to hear you’re in pup heaven and am kind of looking forward to seeing you on the 19th (when we meet, implements start impacting with my ass for some reason….)

    xx k

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