Hmmm…seems Master didn’t get the joke in my April Fool’s post. He’s a sensitive guy and it’s always a fine line that one- the one between truth and humour.
Of course, there were some elements of both in my last post. The truth being that I don’t get enough bondage (and that’s basically because I probably never could get enough bondage even if it was happening 24/7) and the humour being that I didn’t need a Master and was ready to pack up and go. Sprinkled in amongst all that was a revenge ribbing to Master about the ‘other guy’ who apparently fancies me and a little bit of a vent about a lack of variety in our play.
But more than anything I was trying to point out the fact that while a lack of use (i.e bondage) in my previous relationship was grounds enough for me to leave, it’s not this time because I have a real connection with Master. My need for bondage is something I’m willing to put aside for the other wonderful things we have.
I’m a fairly impatient bottler and when I want things I want them now and when I don’t get them I simmer away inside like a pressure cooker with the lid not on quite right. I can be absolutely fine on the surface, until one day ‘Bang!’ and the lid shoots off across the room, nearly taking out someone’s eye in the process. Although I try to channel my energies into other things like gym or pandora bracelets ( I really have to stop that last one…) I generally have to scratch my itch myself before things really get out of hand and more people start losing eyes.
Before, I guess, I had super high expectations and still had my head up in the clouds. I imagined that we or more precisely he *should* be doing kinky stuff all day every day and when it didn’t happen that way first, I got into the self-doubt cycle and then I quickly escalated into pressure cooker mode. But I’m a little bit older and wiser now. I know that’s not how things happen and whereas before if a month went by without play I’d be climbing the walls, I’m now just accepting, albeit, a little bit disappointed. In fact, I’d describe it now as though I’m ‘in control’ of my addiction.
It’s tough when you don’t share the same kink. I suppose inevitably you always feel like your significant other is pandering to your wishes. Take for example last weekend when Master asked me, “How’d you like some bondage?” The man *asked* me for pete’s sake! And I also know at the time he wasn’t feeling the best…how does he think I’m going to respond in that situation? I’d rather bondage was taken right off the menu in those situations rather than have it tossed out there half-heartedly in front of me.
Master is into boots, interrogation sessions and canes.That’s his kink and that’s cool but I wonder if he gets sick of the same thing. I mean, I’ve been eating jalapeno omelettes for breakfast for nearly two months now and I’m about at that stage where I’d like achange. I’m sure he’ll say he never gets sick of boots, but, I don’t know, perhaps if we tried other things, he’d also find something else that he liked ( and maybe it would be something I liked too?? (^v^)
Master describes me as ‘precious’ to him, but ultimately I am his slave and nothing more. That’s fine by me. I don’t want a ‘relationship’ and I don’t want to be a ‘couple’. I don’t tell Master that I love him and I’m not sure how he feels about that. Sometimes I have the feeling that he is fishing for me to say something like that to him. I guess if the situation was reversed, I’d want to hear those magic three words too, but I can’t. I find it hard to explain exactly how I feel about him, but I know it’s not as simple as ‘love’. I can’t seem to put him on the same rank as say, chocolate or my family. He’s got an entirely different different rank of his own and I don’t have a label for it. Precious I guess, as being one of my favourite words, might have to do for a label at this time.
So, I guess what I’m trying to say is that while shit may happen I ain’t going anywhere. How does that hit your funny bone?