Out of exile

For the past two months I’ve been in voluntary exile from most of my comfort foods. Bread, dairy, and basically anything other than meat protein and a handful of select vegies has not passed these lips and it’s been tough. But today I came out of exile and started adding back small amounts of those yummy things called ‘carbs’. 

I started my morning with a decaf cappuccino! OMG….milk froth has never tasted so good! Later on in the week I’ll be having some fruit and maybe a few spoonfuls of yoghurt. The trick is to introduce things back into your diet slowly so as to not upset your body too much. Which got me thinking, when you’ve been away from play for a while, is it better to build things up slowly or just to dive in their head first?

I always used to think that a slow but steady reintroduction to pain was a good thing. I would always complain to Master that I’d ‘gone back to zero’ if a few weeks without play had passed and that we’d need to build up my tolerance again (I think he must have selective hearing though, because things would always start on the same level of intensity, regardless of how long it had been since he had beaten me last.) But I don’t know whether that really is the case. I think for me, things hurt whether I’ve been beaten every day for the last week, or haven’t been beaten for a month. What matters most is whether my ‘beating window’ is open or not. 

I really don’t know whether my ‘window’ is what you would call a slave mind set or what it is. I can only describe it as a sense of readiness. It’s almost like I strut around ‘daring’ him to do his worst. I feel strong, invincible and generally have an ‘indestructo-ass’, making me able to take much more that I usually do. 

In the scheme of things, I’m a wuss. On a good day, ten or fifteen strokes of the cane will send me jumping around the bed, ramp it up a bit more and I’ll soon be blubbering like a baby. What’s more,  Master generally doesn’t hit hard. Unless he is really pissed off with me or uberly in the mood, he’ll give me light strokes that probably won’t be visible 5 minutes afterwards. Sad, isn’t it? I haven’t had what I’d call a solid beating since the party we went to in November last year. My window was wide open that night and I couldn’t stop laughing (which is my way of insinuating, “Is that the best you can do?”).

On April 19th we are supposed to be going to another dungeon party. When I found out about it, I immediately said to Master, ‘Well, you’d better start getting my ass into shape!’ and now I’m beginning to understand the futility of those words. The ‘wonderfully’ evil Ms. B has also indicated that she is looking forward to ‘seeing’ me there. I’m thinking that she actually means that she looking forward to *beating* me there.

Fingers crossed a brisk breeze blows through and opens my window between now and then.

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4 thoughts on “Out of exile

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  1. no matter how much you *think* you are ready, that is generally NOT the case lol, there have been times when i have said *go on do your best and stop hitting like a girl* because i felt super ready and i have ended up having to be restrained and im a snotty nosed mess and begging him to stop. i find at parties and in front of people that i take *more* because people are watching me and i seem to become *super human* because i get off on it, but in private its a different matter…

  2. It always hurts more for me when Master is punishing me than when it’s a something I’ve requestedso I think my tolerance is mind over matter.

    I like the thought of being beaten by another 🙂

  3. Yes, I definitely think there is something at work in ‘public’ play that makes us ‘put up with’ more. I guess it’s like how we don’t fart in public (at least when anyone else can hear/smell us or we at least don’t think they can.)

    k

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