I have a question…

Do you think someone with a violent criminal background should get involved with the lifestyle?

On the surface, this one looks like a no-brainer, but after mulling it over for several days I’ve decided that it’s actually quite complex to answer. I mean, you’ve got to look at it from both sides of the fence and decide whether a ‘changed’ person can really be changed and whether you can let bygones be bygones. It really is a toughie.

So, for starters, let me tell you my feelings about crime. If you are not criminally insane then every crime is committed through making a conscious choice with consequences. I don’t believe the ‘I was young and stupid’ defence has any substance because we were all young and stupid once- whether we committed a crime or not is another matter. Yes, it may have been 20 years ago that you were caught shoplifting or stealing a car or whatever and in the intervening 20 years you’ve been a model citizen who hasn’t even jaywalked, but I don’t believe that you can conveniently ‘forget’ that you have a criminal record for the purposes of a job interview or immigration clearance. You chose to commit the crime that gave you the record, so get over it. Now I know that petty crime is not up on the same rank as violent crime (rape, murder, etc.) but in my mind, crime is crime and if you commit it, you have to live with it for the rest of your life.

Moving right along to ‘Can your past stay as your past and never affect your future?’ Hmmm…my message from the universe today would have me believing otherwise: 

Life’s magic is a lot like a swift flowing river. No matter how long you’ve overlooked it or unwittingly swam against it, the instant you stop struggling you’ve back in the flow, hat down low, coolest cat on the block.

 In other words, your so-called “baggage,” ain’t no thang. 

Coolio- The Universe

But, Mr. Universe, I do beg to differ. I think baggage shapes who you are and what you do. It’s an intrinsic part of you that creates the person living and breathing today. And specifically, I think that people who commit violent crimes are likely to do it again. Of course, not everybody does, but when you commit a crime, I think you’ve got to accept the fact that the baggage will stick with you for life.

Now, if I was on the other side of the fence, I’d be thinking that I’m a changed person and no-one will give me a fair go because of something I did when I was young and stupid. I’d be annoyed that the prejudice towards people with criminal pasts means other people don’t look at the ‘now you’, but always at the ‘past you’. I would want to be given the same chances and choices as everyone else, so I would lie and omit certain details about my past because that was the only way.

When it comes to the lifestyle, as a sub/slave/bottom/person in an incredibly vulnerable position, I want to know if the person holding a beating implement above me has done scary funky shit before. In fact, I just don’t *want* to know, I *need* to know. Yes, having that knowledge would seriously affect my decision to have a relationship or play with that particular person, but I think in this type of a relationship I have a right to know.

Whether a person with a violent criminal past should get involved in the lifestyle or not is something I can’t really make a judgement on while I’m sitting on the fence. From a sub/slave/bottom perspective, absolutely no way do I want anyone with that sort of past in a position of power over me. From the other side, I’d want the person to get to know me before they made that kind of decision. I guess it really does depend on the individual and how ‘rehabilitated’ they are as to whether they are ‘fit’ for that sort of power exchange, but one thing is for certain, I think the other person in the relationship has a right to know- no questions asked.


6 thoughts on “Questions

Add yours

  1. Yeah, good question. But I would broaden “violent criminal past” to include former cops who have been dismissed for discipline problems, not just criminals of the common or garden variety violent types. And there’s another thing to be considered, too, which is that even while I agree that I would need to know about such a history, it doesn’t mean that the person is any more or less likely to re-offend. As you said, is there rehabilitation involved? How long ago was the violent behavior? And exactly what kind of violence are we talking about? These are all questions I’d want answered before making any judgment calls.

  2. One of the first Doms I met years ago on ICQ (yes, I’m old…) has a pretty hard core criminal (felonies) past. I knew when first talking to Him that it wasn’t even a possibly “relationship”, though not because of his criminal history. I eventually met Him in person, since He lives here, and felt no fear or trepidation whatsoever. We became good friends and He watched over me, was the kindest and most patient Dom-type….and still is. He has sole custody of His son, is a wonderful father, and took care of me on many night where I thought I’d lose it….all without attempting anything scary. Just my two cents 🙂

  3. I think the person with the past needs to be honest and upfront and say look when l was not the person l am today l was in trouble this is what l done this is what l did to pay for it. You can the judge for yourself whether the person has changed or whether the circumstances then at point of the crime still exist today in their behaviour or its was one of those things that happen.

    If they aren’t honest and upfront about it eventually it will come out and they will look like they were guilty and hiding something, its the same sort of rule about past relationships and marriages, every one knows about it all except the new person your thinking of putting into your life aren’t you better off starting from solid foundations if you want the relationship to grow


  4. To me, it comes down to three questions. What, When, and Why?

    There are some things that are against the law, and hence can result in criminal records, that I just utterly fail to care about. Unpaid parking tickets, copyright infringement, improper accounting for lettuce transported across a state line for human consumption. Although crimes, I’m not interested in them. The ones I do care about are 1) Violent and Sexually Violent offenses, and 2) Theft and Fraud. I’ll throw in a semi-three. If someone has a drug background, I want to make sure they understand and will comply with my no-drugs-around-me policies. If they can’t do that, I avoid.

    The other two make up context. I had a guy who would come over to my apartment and drink w/ me and my roommate. Cool guy, but he was looking for an apartment because at his last one he’d killed 3 guys with a knife.

    Granted, it was the cleanest case of self-defense in history and the DA didn’t even bring it to trial, but even if it had resulted in a Man 3 conviction he’d have still been welcome there after he got out. That context fills out the picture.

    One domestic battery because “she pissed me off” and I’m going to need see evidence of repentance and clean living going back several years. Not that people can’t tame their inner beast, but after a context like that I’m going to be very cautious about letting them around anyone I care about, including me.

  5. I somewhat agree with you. I work at the Salvation Army, a lot of people that just got out of jail come there. 2/5 of them are very sweet. The other 3 are rude, but its because they have been treated like absolute shit, and now they have these new rights, and freedoms.

    So yes, the other person should know, but I think a relationship is about that, knowing about the other person. Understanding them.

    Even though I have the ratio of 3/5 being jackasses, they still have been rehabilitated. The problem is, our jails, or prisons don’t do it well, beating someone down doesn’t work anymore because of all the “rights” and “freedoms”.

    I know they did this test in America, where they let all the prisoners get a free education(anything they want). When they got out of jail, only 25% of the guys did a crime again.

    Honestly, alot of them do it for money, or pride because they dont have the money.

    Yes I don’t really like them getting these amazing degrees while I have to pay $500 or more, but I’d rather have the crime off the streets.

    So to answer your question, I think that everyone should know everything, secrets are stupid in a relationship. Whether your a criminal or not.

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