I think the thing that has surprised me most in this lifestyle is not the kinks that people have but the narrow-minded judgmental people that exist across other facets of society that I didn’t expect to find in BDSM.
Mistress Blair, my friendly neighbourhood botty-beating dommely one, left this comment on a recent blog of mine and I actually have to say that I can’t agree more. More than any kinky act that I’ve seen or funky attire paraded in front of me, the thing that has amazed me the most is how quickly many members of the so-called ‘open-minded, free and easy’ kink lifestyle are wont to judge. In fact, I think many people in the lifestyle are more bitchy than a tea room full of women in a small office. And even though kink is such a personal thing, there seems to be a prevailing attitude of ‘it’s my way or the highway’ amongst people. So much so that it seems that people in the lifestyle come across as much more particular and demanding than anyone in the ‘nilla world.
‘Kink folk=closed-minded’ seems like such a wrong equation, but it seems to be adding up more and more these days.
A good example of this is what happened to recently to Mistress Blair and her pup. Pup is a fanatical foot fetishist and a lot of their play obviously involves foot worship and boot licking and so forth. At a recent party in which participation (active play) was mandatory, she was informed that they’d need to do some ‘real play’ because what they did wasn’t ‘active enough’! I laughed so hard when I heard about this. From out of the blue some imaginary hierarchy of kink play had been created where certain forms were okay and others weren’t. Who the hell has the right to decide this?
I also have a bit of an issue about the whole mandatory play thing. Yes, I understand it’s to stop voyeurs simply coming and not contributing to the group, but what if you don’t feel like playing on the night? What if you’re just not in the mood? Should you have to play just because it’s the group rule? It’s a bit like having to get a tick on your report card to say that you’ve brought your lunchbox before you can sit down in your seat in the classroom for the lesson. I don’t see why people just can’t get together, have a bit of a chat, do what they want and then leave.
Now, I’ll have to admit that I’ve thought a few things that have been done at parties have not been….ummm….how shall we say?….’productive’. Mostly this has been due to OH&S reasons, but I’ve never openly made a comment and why should I? Obviously if a person is in danger it is up to the people there to step in to help the person involved- that’s just commonsense and good citizenship- but if something is done that is someone’s else’s kink and not mine, and that’s the only reason I didn’t feel good about it, that’s fine by me. Whatever rocks their boat is A. O. K. Free to be you and me is my policy. Why other people feel the need to have less constructive policies is beyond me.
So on that note, I’ll end rant number 1,000,0001 because working bitch girl needs her sleep.