During ravishing mode the other night Master revealed a little entree of his plans for me:

‘You do realise that I’m going to keep violating you and breaking you down until there is nothing of ‘you’ left.’ 

For mains, he went on to instruct me to change my email address, because it has my real name in it ,and to label my occupation on Facebook as ‘slave’. Dessert was some talk about removing the last vestiges of ‘henny penny-ness’ from my wardrobe by throwing out all my non-slut wear.

I’ve learned to filter out a lot of what he says during ravishings and just nod and answer yes when it’s appropriate because I’ve come to realise that his talk during ravishings is his porn. Like the little snippets of bound, beaten and blatantly fucked girls I look at when I need a porn fix, Master likes to weave his own images through his words. Certain phrases are repeated on a constant basis, but sometimes, like the delicious morsel above that he dished out to me, his words stick in my mind. 

I think it was just after I’d written my last blog about feeling violated in a bad way that he decided to remind me that the events of that fateful party were going to be repeated. He intends to break down my pride and shame and sear it all in a fire of humiliation. I don’t so much have an issue with what he intends to do, but more with why he wants to do it. I somehow have a feeling that my slavery is lacking and that’s why he wants to ramp things up a bit, but does breaking me down in that way until there is nothing but kitten left somehow make me more submissive, or does he just enjoy the opportunity to exercise his total power over me? It’s times like this, I wish I was a mind-reader instead of just a slut-whore-fire bitch.

I’ve always found the idea of being nothing but a compliant piece of slave meat very appealing. A romantic fantasy of total submission in which I didn’t baulk at anything at all is something that has kept me warm on cold lonely nights. I haven’t reached that point by far, and I wonder if I ever will…. then I wonder if I really want to get to that point anyway. 

Then I remember that it’s not up to me to decide that anyway!

And just as an end note, I’ve written before about my feelings regarding ‘bdsm and appropriateness’. Basically I just think that you shouldn’t push your beliefs into other people’s faces- whether they be religious, fetish-inspired or otherwise. Therefore, I think that having a ‘public persona’ and a ‘private persona’ is prudent behaviour and I cringe at the implications of filling out future job applications with an email address of My Facebook account is something that I’ve been using to link up with friends from my present and past, and while I’m sure that Master would argue that listing your occupation as ‘slave’ is no different to listing your marital status as ‘married’, the reality is that it is quite different. In an ideal world it wouldn’t matter what you identified yourself as, but in our current very-far-from-ideal world it’s a big deal that no-one is quite ready to deal with.


9 thoughts on “Violations

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  1. So would you say his kink is control? Or humiliation? I keep trying to figure out what the dom kink is like, and while I assume that the need to control is fundamental, is that all there is? Or is it like “Control” like going to a control restaurant and then picking off the menu things like “humiliation,” “orgasm denial,” “breaking,” “make her ask for bathroom privileges,” “puppy play” or whatever?

  2. violations

    I too love the idea of being nothing but my Master’s puppet – to just do as I’m told without question or hesitation. To be broken down and rebuilt into the whore he wants is so unbelievably erotic me. However, you’re right, I wouldn’t want to have to give a prospective employer a shocking email address such as the one you have now. I wouldn’t want to deal with the “look” on their face or the questions that would probably follow. I believe in having two seperate personas, but then I have small kids at home I have to worry about losing should some idiot decide how I live my life is harmful to them. I also wouldn’t want to list myself as a slave if it was someplace family or friends (who don’t know) could see it and it’s all for the same reason – fear of child protective services. You’re right about another point too – it’s not up to us to decide all of these things for ourselves, I’m just lucky that Daddy feels the same way about that I do. Sorry to have written a book in your comment box!

  3. i dont like involving those not in the know in my kink, i think placing *slave* as a role on a site where nilla friends and/or family see it is so in your face that its wrong…i dont care how involved people are in BDSM that does NOT justify involoving people non consensually…i found this out the hard way when my daughter added me to her facebook and then unadded me after seeing my friends and i dont blame her one bit, its not right for me to involove her and any of her friends in my lifestyle choices, ITS WRONG.

  4. lol aren’t you expressing here your preferences and choices and trying to influence the outcome of a decision that’s been made for you

    Slave girlies are tricky things

    Popular expressions of support or opinions of others are irrelevant to your outcomes

    Your collar dooms you to mars bars and bamboo skewers and wartenburg wheels and sex toys


  5. I think he likes to move his focus around by making up some ‘rules’ on the spot about what I, as a slave, have to do, but generally he just likes controlling everything! Lol.

    Would you like a seat in the beating or non-beating section?


  6. Re: violations

    I love books in my comment box!

    Yes, having kids definitely puts a different slant on how public you can be about things. But even if you don’t have kids, people can still look at you as weird i.e. a danger to society if you let on about your kink and they are not very kink-friendly.

    Wouldn’t it be nice if we could just all get along?? (^v^)


  7. honestly, to me putting “slave” on your facebook or myspace shouldnt raise peoples radars.. no one knows about me- my wants and desires, except Master.. but if i ever put slave into a profile i think people would either read it and forget it, or think i was making an attempt at a small joke ( i have a family, so i am constantly cleaning, cooking, doing laundry etc.)
    as for the e-mail- why not just have a separate account for your friends/ family, and another for your Master and kink friends? generally you get quite a few e- mail accounts on a service. (i have a family and we each have our own e-mail-7 people w/ up to 7 e-mail accounts- doesnt cost a penny more.)

  8. Of two minds about two identities

    i don’t have a good answer to this. i’ve been trying to sort out this issue myself. Part of me says that i should keep a “slave monica” and “normal monica” internet identity separate on the internet. In fact i’ve accumulated about six email addresses which i used for various purposes.

    i have a slave monica blog which shows my face. At first i thought about obscuring my face, but then i think no. i don’t have kids except for a grown up step-daughter. If she found my site, she would just have to deal with it, and she’s a grown up. Blocking out my face would make me feel like i am really ashamed of myself. i’m not ashamed of being very submissive to Master. i am not ashamed of liking it when he inflicts pain on me. i get a bit embarrassed, but that’s different than shame.

    At the same time i will not tell most of my friends/coworkers that they should check out my slave_monica twitter feed or my kinky weblog. They would be confused/concerned and i would have to deal with a zillion questions. It would stressful for all involved.

    Ultimately i guess i don’t think we should do things which make us feel shame, or we should learn to not be ashamed of what we are doing. Slaves who are used so they are systematically made to feel shame worry me. i start to ask, “Why do that you your slave? she would do anything for you. Don’t you want her to be happy?”

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