Bubble, boil, toil and trouble

I went to bed angry, woke up angry and spent most of the day angry. In fact, I’m still angry. Not ‘I-want-to-smash-your-face-in’ angry, just a slow simmer with bubbles that break the surface sometimes and result in me muttering angrily to myself when no-one is looking.

Yes, I’m red plaging, which is normally in itself the cause of massive fits of anger, but I’m also angry with the whole ‘I’m-the-slave-so-I-have-to-do-what-he-wants’ situation. It sucks when I’m feeling like this because it’s so hard to swallow the retorts and the biting remarks and accept the fact that I’m always wrong, because well, I’m the slave and that’s the way it is.

Last night I was punished for not wearing the butt plug for an hour each night like I was told to. Thirty percent of the reason I wasn’t doing it was because I hate butt plugs with a passion, twenty percent of the reason is because I just don’t have time and the remaining fifty percent was because I think it’s stupid to have to do things when he’s not here and it doesn’t matter whether I’ve done them or not anyway. When he told me during the punishment that he’d only set the rule for ‘my benefit’ because I was going to have to wear a pony girl tail at the next party and he wanted me to be ‘comfortable’, my ‘stupid task needle’ shot up into the red zone and I started to seethe. It was like, WTF??? I’m going to be feeling fucking uncomfortable no matter how much ‘preparation’ I do because things just aren’t supposed to be shoved up the butt to begin with and instead of just having one night of discomfort for the party, every night for the next fucking month or so is going to be uncomfortable. That to me seems pretty sucky. I just about collapse into bed the minute I get home from work as it is and he knows that. It just really pissed me off that he wanted to add more discomfort to my already painful life. I already suffer from sore-cunt-itis every fucking day for him, do I really need more pain on a daily basis????

*sprinkles some water on her flames of anger and takes a deep breath*

In my defense, to be honest, I didn’t think he was serious about me doing it to begin with; I thought it was just another one of his mind-fucks, so I hadn’t given it much thought and had really forgotten all about it until half way through the week. But when I got in the car yesterday and he told me that I had a beating coming my way for not doing what I was told with that mean-assed, “I-don’t-give-a-toss-for-you-you-piece-of-slave-meat-scum” look in his eye, things were not looking good. I had kind of hoped that he would let it slide. He hadn’t said a word about it for the last week or so I thought it must of been added to the growing pile of ‘one of these days’ things, but alas ’twas not to be.

So he caned my butt and I cried and he followed it up with a good hour of interrogation about what I was and what was expected of me. After droning, “I’m your slave. I’m for your use and pleasure. I must be obedient” enough times I guess he thought I was sufficiently brain-washed and he let me go to bed. Today I seethed for most of the day, had to resist the urge to tell some rude and pushy people at work  to ‘get fucked’ then came home and did what was required. After I squeezed the butt plug out after the prescribed time of insertion I wish he had been here so I could of screamed at him,

 ‘I’VE GOT A SORE AND BLOODY CUNT AND I FEEL LIKE CRAP, BUT I STILL PUT THAT STUPID THING UP MY ASS. ARE YOU HAPPY NOW????’ 

For some reason it’s just not the same screaming it in your head to no-one. And that’s almost as sucky as being a slave at times like this.

I know:
– I’m the slave and doing what I’m told is my lot in life 
– I should be grateful for his leniency 
– Butt plug wearing is not a difficult thing in the scheme of things 
– I should be happy for the use
– I’m a sucky slave at times
– I moan and bitch too much
– Everything else that people reading this are thinking…

…but I really do find that it really is little things like this that put a bee in my bonnet. And just to set the record straight, I’m not complaining or saying that what Master did was wrong or anything like that, I just wanted to get it off my chest because I’m so angry!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Strangely enough, I don’t feel any better.

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10 thoughts on “Bubble, boil, toil and trouble

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  1. toil and trouble

    I sat here, reading your post and was nodding in agreement with everything you said and everything you feel. I’ve been there, hell, I’m still there. Wow. This is one of the many things I love about blogging and reading other blogs because I suddenly don’t feel all alone. I’m not the only slave that sometimes almost or literally hates her Owner and would like to win the fight at least once. Our lot in life is to do as we’re told, blah blah blah – still human, still have emotions, not robots and sometimes slavery just sucks. Now I feel better knowing I’m not alone and I wanted to tell you that you aren’t either.

    Rose

  2. that really sucks – those moments where you could just kill them for pushing you are so hard and aggravating and homicidal-thoughts-inducing. Pushing you during your period is particularly risky for the homicidal-thoughts part!

    And I know you hate anal stuff, but I love it and I am totally jealous that you are going to get to wear a pony girl tail in public. I have two, including one particularly gorgeous blonde one, and they ain’t never gotten to come out and play. I know this does not help you one little bit – and hey, feel free to rant right back at me if ya still have some steam to let off!

    *HUG*

    s

  3. Yes yes … But you’d be complaining the opposite way if your Owner let – what you judge as – too many things slip. Then, no doubt, you’d be moaning your way through a blog about that. It’s always his fault – as you present it here. But you can list what you are supposed to do as a slave – in an insulting and tedious blah-blah style list – but the shortfall was yours. Blame yourself, therefore; that would be more accurate. All your notions are beside the point: he has marked you, put rings on you and collared you. Start living up to that honour. You’ll be happier when you do – or you’ll discover the slave life was just a fantasy, as so many do. No real Master wants a robot – a charge too often said by self-doubting so-called slaves. All we want is for you to do what you said you would do in return for same.

    NZ Master

  4. yes a blonde pony tail is what l am after for kitten to match her blonde hair, so many are just black hair tails whihc just wouldn’t match her at all, where did you get the blonde one from.

    kittens_Master

  5. who’s wearing the collar

    Another pithy blog sweetie, telling me and the world how you feel, l enjoyed it immensely, l love seeing you fighting and struggling against your collar and your Master, its a futile struggle and you know it but you still do it and you still lose.

    Yes last night telephone conversation was polite but it was clearly a conversatio where l was getting the daggers of death from your eyes and l missed not seeing the cold steel slits being drawn back giving me withering contempt and only if l could kill you right now very slowly look.

    But your a slave and nothing you can do it about so suffer at my hands as l torment you and abuse you and treat you as my property and take my enjoyment from you in the many delightful ways you offer me.

    Rember you got punished for not asking for dispensation more than not doing the task and if you want to punish yourself by taking your foolish slave pride by continuing not to ask dispensation for your red plague period then so be it your suffering is just enjoyment for me as you twist and turn on your slave leash and self torture yourself with the task assigned.

    Master

  6. well, look at it this way – if you are going to be in abject misery at the party, I at least want to help you to look *pretty* while you’re at it – there is so much more dignity in a gorgeous blonde horsehair tail instead of those silly nasty plastic black tails – so, see, really, I’m just thinking of your best interests here! honest!

    *hug*

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