I went to bed angry, woke up angry and spent most of the day angry. In fact, I’m still angry. Not ‘I-want-to-smash-your-face-in’ angry, just a slow simmer with bubbles that break the surface sometimes and result in me muttering angrily to myself when no-one is looking.
Yes, I’m red plaging, which is normally in itself the cause of massive fits of anger, but I’m also angry with the whole ‘I’m-the-slave-so-I-have-to-do-what-he-wants’ situation. It sucks when I’m feeling like this because it’s so hard to swallow the retorts and the biting remarks and accept the fact that I’m always wrong, because well, I’m the slave and that’s the way it is.
Last night I was punished for not wearing the butt plug for an hour each night like I was told to. Thirty percent of the reason I wasn’t doing it was because I hate butt plugs with a passion, twenty percent of the reason is because I just don’t have time and the remaining fifty percent was because I think it’s stupid to have to do things when he’s not here and it doesn’t matter whether I’ve done them or not anyway. When he told me during the punishment that he’d only set the rule for ‘my benefit’ because I was going to have to wear a pony girl tail at the next party and he wanted me to be ‘comfortable’, my ‘stupid task needle’ shot up into the red zone and I started to seethe. It was like, WTF??? I’m going to be feeling fucking uncomfortable no matter how much ‘preparation’ I do because things just aren’t supposed to be shoved up the butt to begin with and instead of just having one night of discomfort for the party, every night for the next fucking month or so is going to be uncomfortable. That to me seems pretty sucky. I just about collapse into bed the minute I get home from work as it is and he knows that. It just really pissed me off that he wanted to add more discomfort to my already painful life. I already suffer from sore-cunt-itis every fucking day for him, do I really need more pain on a daily basis????
*sprinkles some water on her flames of anger and takes a deep breath*
In my defense, to be honest, I didn’t think he was serious about me doing it to begin with; I thought it was just another one of his mind-fucks, so I hadn’t given it much thought and had really forgotten all about it until half way through the week. But when I got in the car yesterday and he told me that I had a beating coming my way for not doing what I was told with that mean-assed, “I-don’t-give-a-toss-for-you-you-piece-of-slave-meat-scum” look in his eye, things were not looking good. I had kind of hoped that he would let it slide. He hadn’t said a word about it for the last week or so I thought it must of been added to the growing pile of ‘one of these days’ things, but alas ’twas not to be.
So he caned my butt and I cried and he followed it up with a good hour of interrogation about what I was and what was expected of me. After droning, “I’m your slave. I’m for your use and pleasure. I must be obedient” enough times I guess he thought I was sufficiently brain-washed and he let me go to bed. Today I seethed for most of the day, had to resist the urge to tell some rude and pushy people at work to ‘get fucked’ then came home and did what was required. After I squeezed the butt plug out after the prescribed time of insertion I wish he had been here so I could of screamed at him,
‘I’VE GOT A SORE AND BLOODY CUNT AND I FEEL LIKE CRAP, BUT I STILL PUT THAT STUPID THING UP MY ASS. ARE YOU HAPPY NOW????’
For some reason it’s just not the same screaming it in your head to no-one. And that’s almost as sucky as being a slave at times like this.
– I’m the slave and doing what I’m told is my lot in life
– I should be grateful for his leniency
– Butt plug wearing is not a difficult thing in the scheme of things
– I should be happy for the use
– I’m a sucky slave at times
– I moan and bitch too much
– Everything else that people reading this are thinking…
…but I really do find that it really is little things like this that put a bee in my bonnet. And just to set the record straight, I’m not complaining or saying that what Master did was wrong or anything like that, I just wanted to get it off my chest because I’m so angry!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Strangely enough, I don’t feel any better.