The Shiny Thing

Master is wont to point out to me on every occasion possible that I am the slave in this relationship. He does it in a variety of ways, but one of my favourite ones and one that always brings a smile to my face is when he says:

‘Remember, you’re the one wearing the shiny thing.’

It’s true. Sometimes I do forget. I forget how cold and heavy it felt when it first went around my neck. I also forget how much I struggled when he first locked it on and I crumpled under the realisation that it was never coming off again.  I forget because the metal now is always warm from being constantly next to my skin and I’ve become accustomed to its weight. It’s just another part of my life that I’ve adapted to and work around. So much so that when I go to the gym I’ve always got a few spare hairbands in my bag to tie up the ‘o’ ring to stop it jangling and while I’m sitting here composing blogs I play with it absentmindedly, just as other people twirl their hair around their fingers. It’s interesting how we take for granted all the amazing things we have when the seemingly unattainable becomes commonplace and part of the everyday.

I forget what it was like to suffer from ‘collar fever’- that all-consuming need to feel a collar around their neck that subbies around the world seem to universally feel when they first start down the path of D/s. I forget also how I almost used to have out of body experiences thinking about a collar around my neck. I’d dreamed of a collar for many, many years. I remember quite vividly watching a scene of that all-time classic Chinese show “Monkey” when I was in primary school. The scene involved Monkey Magic attempting to rescue a princess who had a magical collar placed on her neck by some evil demon. The collar was gradually getting smaller and smaller around her fragile neck and Monkey was frantically searching for a way to get it off. When the princess eventually died, I wasn’t so much upset by the fact that she’d died, but by the fact that the episode with ‘the collar’ was over. Lol. In many ways a collar seemed to be almost like an all-encompassing magical band aid that would somehow make everything ‘right’ for me and would turn me into the ‘real slave’ that I longed to be. But it didn’t….of course.

Wearing The Shiny Thing does nothing to alter ‘who’ I am. It doesn’t stop me feeling everything that I did as a free person. It doesn’t stop me from having opinions or feeling rage or sadness. It doesn’t put a smile on my face 24/7 or make me feel happy about being a slave during those periods when I’m not feeling it from inside. (And btw, I’m still looking for that elusive ontological description of slave that states ‘must be happy, must not be pissed off with Master, must accept everything given without a word and not vent in public’.)

I was having an interesting discussion with a friend today about collars. He was saying that he would like to use a collar as an ‘on-off’ switch for his subby. Rather than have her wear a collar all the time, he wanted to put it on her to signify that she was now in ‘slave role’ and take it off when he was done. When the collar went on there would be a whole series of protocols and rules that she would have to follow, but without the collar on it was going to be vanilla relationship heaven. He said that doing it that way gave him greater control when he really needed and wanted it. While I could understand where he was coming on, and while I also thought the ‘downtime’ when the collar was off seemed attractive, I didn’t think it would work for me. As I’ve said before, I either am or I ain’t. I can’t be something ‘sometimes’ (even though my personal ‘on-off’ switch seems to have a life of its own! lol)

Of course, I love my collar but I also loved and still love my wedding ring. I love what they both symbolize, but just because I may want to wear my wedding ring every now and then doesn’t mean I’m married. Similarly, Master locking my collar around my neck didn’t make me slave. A collar, while being a useful tool and an outward sign of a commitment, much the same as a wedding ring is, doesn’t do anything. And just because a person wears a collar doesn’t mean that have to be anything. 

To many people, I may not seem like a slave in my words and thoughts and I’ll be the first to admit that I’m certainly not as ‘slavey’ as I would like to be based on my fantasies etc.  But I’ve always kept a complete honesty policy in my blog, I don’t sweeten things up just because I know Master is reading it. I write what I feel in the style that I normally write and at the end of the day I don’t write it for anyone but me. 

Because it’s my blog- as allowed by Master, without censorship or rules or external direction of any kind. If Master told me to stop, I would. 

Because I don’t have choices or rights. 

I am slave.

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20 thoughts on “The Shiny Thing

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  1. the shiny thing

    How many times has someone told you they loved your blog because I’m going for the record!! lol Yours is my favorite to read of all the ones I have on my blogroll, not meaning any disrespect to the others, but yours I can really relate to. Once again, your words are like a mirror for me and I feel the same way you do about the shiny thing I wear around my neck.

    Rose

  2. I completely agree; excellent post, interesting as ever.

    You’re right, of course there is no simple, strict ontological definition for ‘slave’. Yet, there are certain things which must be present in order that that designation has meaning.

    It’s a too general point, I realise, but mainstream society’s love of all things seemingly democratic makes us believe subjectivity and inter-subjectivity are good things per se. The flipside of this, though, is all the confusion those endless negotiations can cause. One possible reading of the wish to surrender to the slave-life is that those electing to do so seek something more decidedly objective, riualistic, rigid… structured, in a word. Submission and slavery are attempts to devlove all those negotions out to someone else, one might say.

    With mutually-agreed structures in-place, a couple can become more than the sum of their parts; if love is involved, even more so, in my view. If the stuff of that structure is connected to some wider societal structure, even greater strength can be gained: a scene, a movement, can be affected. This, I belive, is progress. So, dry terminology is, in fact, life-affirming, if a common language is kept to and added to by those concerned. We should cherish the terminology, I believe.

    We, in the BDSM scene, are going to need to be even more exact in this way – as governments are right now working to destroy our freedoms, by making what we do illegal, a sex crime.

    Thanks again.

    Master Dee

  3. This is the nightstand..

    ..and you always pay by leaving it on the nightstand, right?

    My own circumstance has evolved somewhat. Without going into a huge whine about limited playing opportunities, let me just say that, I too, use the collar as an on/off thing. It’s something that she puts on, first as a transitional thing and secondly as an affirmation of her submission. We’re less slavey and more d/s…but that’s semantical stuff, and frankly I’m not all that interested in the points of distinction for others…just in my own interests. Know what I mean? 😉

    Mr. Upton Ogood

  4. Your a slave merely because you want to be a slave, as l have said many times to you during interrogations sessions, l cannot keep you or make you a slave, but once you’ve decided your a slave, than that’s what your are and that’s what you will remain as during our relationship and that’s how you will be kept and treated.

    You know you won’t be free again, simply because you know you don’t want to be free.

    The reasons why your a slave are many and varied but they are your reasons, same as why and how l keep you as a slave are many and varied and are mine and not your reasons.

    Your mine and you will submit and obey, simply because you have to for your own special reasons.

    The whippings beatings and canings and pubic display of nakedness and use are simply wonderful bonuses for me

    Master

  5. Re: This is the nightstand..

    I *absolutely* know what you mean 😉 And really, if that works for you, that’s fantastic. Definitions, ‘should’s and all the other stuff that floats around regarding D/s is so limiting..just go for what interests you I say.

    k

  6. All terminology is limiting, yes; but without such limits one ends up with a structureless world of confusions, endless reinventions of the wheel; which conspire to send us all back to the ‘dark ages’ (as it were). Pointing at a banana and calling it an apple can work as an agreement between knowing parties – for whatever reason. But using the same determination in some wider sphere is just inappropriate, even divisive. The determination ‘banana’ limits the banana, of course; but the differentiation profoundly aids things which matter more. Departmentalisation looks faintly undemocratic, but it’s actually a wonderful, progressive thing.

    Master Dee

  7. Re: the shiny thing

    It’s an eternity collar. It’s silver, shiny and does have some weight to it that I thought I’d never get use to, but eventually did. lol

    Rose

  8. “I’ll have what he’s having …”

    Master Dee – You should either stop taking whatever you are on or pass it around so we can all have some 🙂

    Ms Blair

  9. No, not at all; I wouldn’t be so presumptious. Plus, I’m not seeking to define something which could be called ‘my definition’. That would just be more of that calling a banana an apple. The notion of what something is – its Being, ontology as we’ve both previously cited – is alive in the world, independently of what we wish to bring to it, in terms of personal alterations and additions. We can alter and add, of course; but there are limits to this. If we go too far, we depleat the catergory itself.

    What I’m saying is that there are minimum requirements which the catergory slave requires in order that usage of that catergory be meaningful, actual.

    By way of example: one person might say ‘I’m a slave, but then, in other circumstances, I operate as a Dominant’. We would likely challenge the validity of that claim – saying, perhaps, you’re more exactly a switch. They might say, ‘but when I’m a slave I’m a slave; on other days, I Dom’. To this, we’d likely say something like, no, slavery is not something one can turn on and off, you’re describing submissiveness, in fact the submissive quota of being a kind of switch.

    What I meant originally – before all the sillyness interceded – was that your ‘struggle’, in my view, is akin to that earlier stage in Secretary where she confronts her wouldbe-Owner, that the later stage where she sits and waits is something you are either working towards or you might, in the end, judge is not for you. Call it, what?, a kind of nirvana; she’s let go; she’s kind of free. There is no struggle. The struggle is over. It is over because – as an idea, if you like – I venture to say that slavery is like an ultimate destination, not something intermitant. I used to think this sounded like mellodramatic wishful thinking, but I know from experience it is very possible.

    I may have been wordy – but then I am wordy! I judged you are sufficiently so yourself, as to understand what I was saying without any problems. My comment was directed at you – exactly because I believed you’d understand my terminology. All that ivory tower-cum-pretentious blather from elsewhere is, for anyone using terminology, just an occupational hazard. Rather than thinking ‘I don’t understand, so I’d better either bow-out or learn something’, they attack, like a mob, with all their predictable received ideas and empty taunts. As I’ve said, the evidence is right there. My conscience is clear.

    At bottom, I responded in such detail because I respect your take on things. I take nothing away from your commitment; and, as I’ve repeatedly said, I admire you for that and for sharing your ideas here.

    Do you know of ‘Latex Lady’? She lived a full year covered in latex – if one is to believe her accounts, which I think I do. Amazing story. There’s a blog. Very worth a Google.

    Best wishes,

    Master Dee

  10. recent posts

    I was wondering if there is more to these recent posts lately then you are putting to paper. The last several posts have all centered around the idea of you trying to justify to yourself what you want and who you are.

    Your master says that you are his slave, and each and every post that he makes states the same thing quite clearly, “you are my slave.”

    Your last several posts to me look like a person trying to rationalize something to them self. Your in a way trying to explain to your readers that you are your masters slave because of A B C & D.

    You mention “ontological” and I believe that is exactly what you are going thru right now, you are in the process of exploring the nature of your own existence.

    Each of your recent ramblings about why you want to be a sub or why you are a sub makes me realize just how much I miss my mistress, as the d&s in my relationship has become quite stagnant. I guess that the major reason why I have been posting as of lately.

    In the end no matter what any one says, weather it be me master dee Ms Blair, or your master its most important what you think/want/desire. How you see yourself as a subbie, and maybe your vision of being a subbie is slightly different then the way your master sees it thus your recent posts. Stay true to your self and everything will work itself out.

  11. MORE PLEASE

    My only complaint about this blog, and I suspect the only reason it doesn’t get the attention it deserves, is that you do not write often enough. When you write it is always beautifully written, always stimulating and I want to know more. I am at the other end of the world but what you write resonates with me, though I am not in a relationship at the moment.
    What should write you write? Whatever you want. When should you write it? At least several times a day.
    BTW does anybody else find it strange that the Live Journal spellchecker does not recognise the word “blog.” It offers as replacements “bog, log, blag, bloc, biog, bldg, blow, blob, blot, clog, flog, slog.” Some of those words might come in, but it seems strange that blog itself is not accepted.

  12. Re: MORE PLEASE

    “Several times a day”? Lol.

    I have enough trouble trying to do the few entries I do now! I’ve really been struggling to cope over the past few months while I’ve been working, so until I become a ‘free woman’ again, the blogging frequency will be staying low.

    I also generally only write a blog when I have ‘something’ to say, so I can’t make any promises about how often I blog. Your comments are appreciated though (^v^)

    k

  13. Re: recent posts

    I guess that I’ve mostly been writing in response to other people’s comments and I don’t really have a ‘secret agenda’ behind what I write. The last three months that I’ve been working have given me pretty much a zero interest in play and sex so I’ve had to look for other things to write about. Invariably my topics have become introspective and I’ve looked closely at my motivations and purpose in becoming a slave.

    I don’t think Master and I have different visions about my slavery. As he always says, it doesn’t matter how much I twist about on my chain, at the end of the day, I’m still his slave and so I am. He doesn’t care how I get to the destination, just that I finally get to where I should be and I’m happy to get there…regardless of how much I angst.

    k

  14. I have only recently discovered your blog, and after reading a few recent posts, I’ve been working through your archive (starting from April 2006… I’m now partway through Feb. 2007). I had wanted to wait until I had read your whole blog before commenting. But I must pop in to tell you how completely absorbing it is and how much I love being able to experience a bit of your life vicariously. I also absolutely love the way you write.

    I think introspection is an important ongoing part of the growth process, no matter who we are.

    As I’ve gone back and forth between current and older postings, I don’t recall if it was recently or awhile ago that you wrote that you’ve come to the conclusion that slavery might be what you “do” more than what you “are.” It seems to me it was fairly recently you wrote that you still feel that you are the one in control, that your Master has control over you only because you grant him that power, and you want to hang on to the last vestige of the part of yourself that is not a slave… and he replied (as he always does) that you are his slave (well actually misspelling it as he always does, “your a slave”) and went on to say that you will be broken to your collar.

    I have a lot of thoughts about the complexity of this dynamic, which I will save for another time, but I wanted to call your attention to an interesting site and Yahoo group at http://www.bornslaves.com. It’s a very different take on slavery, but whether one buys into it or not, there has been some fascinating dialogue in the group, particularly between two male slaves of “Slavemaster” who created the site. Both slaves came to their slavery in middle age after much exploration of alternatives; one has adapted wholeheartedly and one seems to have considerable angst, wanting to feel more wholly a slave but not seeming to know how to take the ultimate internal plunge. I wanted to share with you an exchange they had today in case it might resonate with you, but this small slice might not do much out of context. I’ll post it in a separate comment…

  15. SlaveMaster’s slave nick wrote:

    > Seems to this slave that the ego will never ever, step aside and
    > allow the spirit to do what it does. The ego will never “flip the
    > switch” that frees “The spirit” as long as the ego is in control.

    > The ego will never accept the truth and the spirit already knows the
    > truth. this slave guesses that it would like to think there is a pure
    > and genuine place inside that it can trust to ultimately see the
    > truth.

    Never is an awfully long time.

    It feels to this slave that you are trying to pass the buck of responsibility and give it to some third party you have created, the one that will “flip the switch” for you… rather than you just doing it yourself.

    Resist the heart, resist obeying who you really are, and wait for somebody to come along and flip the switch for you. As Master Skip would say, “How’s that working for you?”

    If the truth were known, then the switch would happen. So, this slave concludes that the truth is not known. The conclusions you have made in your head are only surmises, and something that you control. Knowing comes from that “pure and genuine place inside” that you seem to spend vast amounts of energy trying not to see.

    SlaveMaster’s slave 7

  16. Thanks for the comment and for going to trouble of going back through my archives!I’m sure you’ve noticed my writing change and my thoughts waiver from extreme to extreme over the years and with different owners.

    I started writing a response to your comment, but it suddenly blew out into something akin to an entry, and because I’m so hard up for topics I thought I’d actually make it into a blog instead!

    k

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