You know when you’re in a state of blah that’s so bad you don’t know whether you want to be beaten or cuddled?
Yeah, well that’s where I am at the moment.
After wrestling all week with coding issues, socket errors and random freezing episodes with my work computer, I came home to discover that our internet connection was cactus. I NEED internet. It’s a non-negotiable necessity in my life, and when I can’t connect, I get panicky. In related news, I’m also plaguing.
No internet + plague = scary fucking dragon bitch kitten
I won’t go into the nitty gritty of what the problem was and how it finally (sort of) got solved, suffice to say that 6 or 7 different tech support dudes were involved in various countries, a new $179 modem router was purchased (which may or may not have been an unnecessary expenditure) and I got so stressed that I could feel the creation of new life inside me -an ulcer.
But anyways, after all that we have a sort-of-functioning Belkin modem router that has FOUR LIGHTS…but sometimes when I network with my laptop it really has FIVE LIGHTS. And if you find that reference to lights hilarious, you and I need to chat about the delights of Jean Luc.
So in my last post I asked about Danny Kaye. My supervisor was chatting about him for some reason and suddenly across the pods came the question,
"Kathy, you know who Danny Kaye is, don’t you?"
Apparently she thought I was of an age where I should know who the hell he is and she was stunned when I had no idea. And when I say stunned, she was acting like I’d never heard of Adolf Hitler. My worry when I found out who he was, was that I must be *really* looking like a hag if she thought I’d know an entertainer of the 50’s.
Master was also a bit stressed when he found out I didn’t know the infamous Danny Kaye. I gently reminded him that I was a child of the 80’s who came of age in the Alf, Cosby Show, Webster and Family Ties era. My known icons included Michael J. Fox and furry things from out of space. It’s hard sometimes when there’s almost a 20 year gap between slave and Master.
In smut news, Master purchased me a pair of thumbcuffs. It was funny because I have exceptionally small wrists and fingers (why can’t my ass be small and I have chunky fingers and wrists?) so when the cuffs went on, I quickly wriggled out of them and gave Master the thumbs up:
‘Sweetie…’ (gesticulating wildly, but not rudely, with free thumbs)
So they ended up being tightened to the point that my thumbs quickly turned purple. I’ve never had thumbcuffs on before so it was interesting. I felt a bit like I was playing ‘yubizumo’ with myself. I don’t know what we call that game in English, but it’s the one where you lock fingers and try to squish the other person’s thumb with yours.
The good thing about thumbcuffs is that you can still scoot your ass out of the way of a quickly falling cane that wants to impact with it. Maybe Master needs some ass-cuffs to rectify that situation.