What is the sound of one slave slapping?

In a blinding moment of clarity, I think I’ve finally put my finger on what it is that I enjoy about being a slave.

I guess a lot of people reading my musings wonder whether I enjoy being a slave at all and to be frankly honest, I often wonder myself. I wonder if I did the right thing in leaving my husband. I wonder if this is really what I want to do. And in those quiet moments at the end of the day when I listen to the silence of the house, I wonder what will happen down the track when I’m old and alone.

But let’s not get all side-tracked and melancholy. I’m supposed to be writing about the moment when the square pegs fit in the square holes without the need for a bloody big mallet and everything is right with the universe – those moments when I finally *understand*.

Earlier on I was reading yet another blog about a slave/submissive/*insert your own title here* who was doing nasty things to herself to please their owner when the thought came to me…..The essence of slavery is pain, and feeling pain allows me to experience the essence of slavery.

I have questioned in the past whether there is slavery without ouchieness. Being a person who doesn’t like the ouchieness, I was wondering whether there was some way for me to be a slave without all the implements and associated pain. I believe that Master’s answer to my query at the time was, "But you’re the one wearing the shiny thing". Of course, how stupid of me.

There are times when I really shy away from all things ouchie. When my ass is as fragile as glass and I just can’t cope with anything on any level. Those times are when I wish that there was some other way for me to feel my slavery, some other way for Master to demonstrate his Mastery over me. Ironically, in some cruel twist of fate, it’s also those times, the times when Master takes pity on me and leaves me alone, that the resultant ‘void’ causes me more stress than the ouchieness ever did.

If too long a period elapses without me feeling theessence of my slavery, I get antsy. That’s generally when I start pro-offering my ass to Master and suggesting that any infringement on my part should incur a beating. You didn’t get enough froth on your cappuccino? Oh, here’s my ass to beat. Five minutes has elasped since the washing machine finished and I haven’t hung the clothes out yet? Oh, I’ll strip and drape myself over the lounge chair, shall I?

When I’m too far gone and slipping into the edges of meltdown, drastic times like this require a hand spanking. A simple one-on-one connection of ass and hand. It’s direct, it’s immediate. It’s pure. There’s nothing between me and Master. And if I can get into the zone, it’s like an injection of joy.

Of course, I don’t want a beating per se. I don’t really want to feel the ouchieness, I just want to feel the zen. I want to be one with my slavery. And the only way I seem to get there is through pain, through suffering and by enduring it all. I guess it’s like people who go ‘for the burn’ or climb the mountain because it’s there – when there’s nothing else but you and your cause, it’s magical.

All the other bullshit of life just fades away.

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11 thoughts on “What is the sound of one slave slapping?

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  1. I like your blog.

    Hello girl.

    I like your blog. It is nice to see that there are fellow lifestylers who enjoy a well written blog and are diving into the world of Master and slave relationships. My slave and I are always looking for fellow bloggers. We run one each, mine is at herowner.com and hers is at floozy.ca

    I am very adamant about sharing experience and about bringing the community together. I wanted to thank you for making your personaly experiences available to us all.

  2. Beautifully Written Post

    I understand how you feel. That moment when it’s just pure submission and the pain isn’t really even pain anymore, but something else, like you said, that’s more zen-like and magical. It’s a very calming and reassuring feeling because then (for at least a little while anyway) everything makes sense and all seems right in the world.

    Rose

  3. I think that it’s like deliberately hurting your hand to take your mind off a mega-headache. For me, it’s not just the fact of contact with Master, though that’s great. I have unlimited need for attention. But I think there’s a lot of bad pain inside all of us. When I’m getting a “Good” beating from Master, I don’t have the time or the brain to worry about anything about when he is going to stop.

  4. I am the same way. I hate pain and am a huge wimp – not a masochist at all, no no no! And yet, I *need* it sometimes – I need to know it is there as a possibility and a reality. Amo prefers punishments that hurt my pride more than my ass, like having to carry pinkie for a week or two – but when it’s been a while, I start to need something harsher.

    Not that you heard that from me.

    Ssshh!

    *hug*

    s

  5. Even if there are other ways, “be careful of what you wish for”

    Another entry with both heart and mind put into it, k, and I know I’m not the only one who appreciates it.

    It could indeed be that the only way you can experience it is through pain. I don’t think it’s the only way for a sub to experience it, but only you can discover what works for you.

    And I’d certainly not try to “convert” you into the other types of paths, such as the ones (before my taking a break from Dom life) I had participated in…from reading your entries so far I’m not at all sure those would work for you.

    And, “worse”, even for those slaves/subs for which those other paths work, those other paths can be just as hard, even when they do work. So the paths more related to the mental psychological submission of ‘erotic humiliation’ with a smaller dose of “ouch”, those aren’t easy either (though they did work well for my subs and I) because, well, similar problems with the physical ouch, in a sense. With the physical ouch you can get too much then not enough, and it’s easy to go from “too little” to “too much” and vice versa…there are parallel issues that come via these other, less ouch-full paths to getting into the Zen of slaveness.

    There are probably tips, or at least thoughts, I could share about those other paths, when and if I get back into the swing of D/s again..and would probably share them on the web…but even if or when I would, they would not be right for every slave/sub, and even for those they would be a good fit, and even for those for whom it would be very emotionally and otherwise fulfilling and zen, it would *still* not necessarily be easier, certainly not easy…Hard to explain what I mean, but hope what I wrote makes sense šŸ™‚ PD

  6. Re: Even if there are other ways, “be careful of what you wish for”

    Ummmm…I have a feeling that you’re trying to say that there are other ways that come from within and that the external stimulus (ouchiness) is not the only way.

    Yes? No?

    But you’re right, the other ways probably wouldn’t work for me. I’m a simple girl with simple needs.

    k

  7. Great post!

    I also wonder sometimes why i like being owned and why i need the pain. ‘All the other bullshit of life just fades away.’ That’s exactly how i feel it. When i’m together with my Owner, we’re in our own little magical world. It’s about He and i and nothing else. And the pain heals me. I always glow and look very happy afterwards. When we’re not together there still is this connection thru words on the phone or in mails. Being His makes me complete.

    Thanks for your kind words on my blog.

    Hug from mo(onheart)

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