While we were driving along to the supermarket the other Saturday afternoon Master casually said,
‘Show me some boob.‘
So I pulled down my top, flipped one out and smiled back at Master.
“You wouldn’t have done that two years ago,” he said laughing.
I didn’t think much about it at the time but he was probably very right. I wouldn’t have done it two years ago or even probably a year ago. But it barely gives me pause now. So what has changed?
Maybe all that nakedness in public has knocked down my walls of inhibition and I’ve lost my shame. Or maybe I’ve seen so many other people do things in public that my brain has finally received the message that it’s ‘okay’. They say we learn through example, so perhaps I’ve got all those other people who have put their bodies on the line before me to thank.
Reading through Fetlife I read post after post of people wanting to get involved in bdsm but who are ‘too scared’ to attend a party in public or even go to a munch to chat with ‘like-minded’ people. People safely sit at home, lusting after some action, but are too afraid to take the first step. I know that there is often a fear of being ‘outed’ when going out in public and people worry about their jobs or family/friends finding out, but even before all of that, people seem to be fighting their own demons.
I’m sure there are some people who have been ‘burned’ before, having had bad experiences with someone else and are hesitant to put themselves in that situation again, but there are also considerable numbers of people who have never even dipped a toe in. And of the people who do finally manage to attend some sort of event, I’m amazed by the number of people who hug the walls and never venture to pick up an implement, ask a question or move off the couch.
I know I would of felt like that myself at some time – tentatively venturing out into the big, bad world of bdsm – but I find it hard to recapture the feelings of fear that newbies have. I’m not saying that I’m an old hand, by any means, but I don’t understand what everyone is so hung up about.
Is bdsm such a big deal?
Or have I just become so comfortable with it all, that I no longer care what other people think as long as I’m getting what I crave?
I remember at the last party I went to, someone I’d never spoken to before came up to me and said that she loved how Master and I laughed and smiled and had fun while we were playing. I laugh a lot ot cover my nervousness, but I also laugh a lot because I’m having fun – after all, I’m doing what I love and enjoy. Perhaps there’s a sense that it all has to be black leather and protocols and newbies are worried about putting a foot wrong. For some people I guess it is very ritualized, but for others, like myself it’s just a chance to do what I ‘do’.
I’d always imagined the bdsm sphere to be a place where people could do what they wanted and not feel threatened and I guess as part of that I also have to keep in mind that *not* doing anything is what some people may *want* to do. But my advice to anyone wanting to start down the path?
Just do it.