Christmas checklist

1. Wake up on Christmas morning and try to get out of bed….

2. Remember to unchain self BEFORE trying to get out of bed.

3. Unchain self, get out of bed and skip into Master’s bedroom.

4. Jump on the bed saying, ‘Hiiiiiiiiiii!’….

5. Get spanked for not saying, ‘Merry Christmas’.

6. Get spanked again for not putting on boots before jumping on Master’s bed.

7. Put boots on, say ‘Merry Christmas’ and then get told to go get her presents.

8. Skip off to the linen closet and look for presents behind Master’s toy tank (where she found them a few days before).

9. Finding nothing,  peer back into the bedroom to see Master smirking at her.

10. Get asked, “Where do you think a slave’s presents would be, bitch?”

11. Look in the only place presents would be kept for one wearing a shiny thingie.

12. Remove presents from slave cage and skip back into Master’s bedroom.

13. Go get Master’s presents and deposit them on his bed.

14. Compare brillance of slave girlie’s gift wrapping vs. crappness of Master’s wrapping.

15. Point out said differences.

16. Be reminded of who is wearing the shiny thingie.

17. Discover a hole and a missing chocolate crackle in Master’s surprise gift.

18 Decide that Santa must of come in the middle of the night and stolen one of Master’s choolate crackles, because who else would do such a thing?

19. Gush over gifts received and go set up Master’s Xbox 360.

20. Get asked, ‘Where are my pain toy presents??’

21. Remind Master that he already has all pain toys known to man.

22. Eat scrummy cherries, nectarines and mango for breakfast and wash it down with a frothy cappucino.

23. Eat scrummy Master-cooked turkey with salad for lunch.

24. Decide that turkey is better without cranberry sauce.

25. Eat crunchy pudding with custard and icecream.

26. Make mental note to self that 1min in the microwave is waaaaay too long for small Christmas puddings.

27. Discover the difference between Xbox and Xbox 360 games (why didn’t anyone tell me??)

28. Ponder whether Christmas day is too late to send Christmas cards.

29. Decide to send New Year’s cards instead.

30. Have a lovely Christmas!

I’m very disa-ppointed!

On the weekend I had the unfortunate pleasure of watching “Flower and Snake”. You might remember that I listed it as a movie I really wanted to see in a post a couple of months ago and several of you promptly selected it on NetFlix, promising to let me know how it was….

But no-one did.

So I had to watch it myself.

And now I know why no one let me know how it was.

Every time I watch a Japanese movie there is a part of me that hopes and prays it will be different to every other Japanese movie I’ve seen – terribly, horribly over-acted, featuring uncomprehensible plotlines and/or characters and just really embarassing to watch.  I even thought that the premise of the movie – chick ‘sold’ to yakuza dudes, tortured with shibari and forced to be a sex toy in the Colliseum of Pleasure – might make it, dare I say it, an entertaining cinematic experience. But ‘alas…my record for really bad Japanese movies remains intact.

Why didn’t somebody warn me????

And before I get flamed by the throngs of anime fans, I’m not including anime when I’m referring to ‘movies’. There’s a lot of anime that I like -mostly Miyazaki stuff – that is fabulous. What I don’t understand is how a country that can make such wonderful anime, make such crap movies???? Can anyone explain it to me???

*end of rant*

Ok…in other news, it’s been 7mths since I became a working girl. Wow. That’s a really scary thought. My 8-week temping stint to get some pocket money back in May turned into a full-time job that is still, for better or for worse, continuing. At the moment, the only thing that is getting me through each day is my mandatory dose of James Spader. In the episode of Boston Legal I just watched, he was offering to “de-base” his co-worker ….*fans self*… Jamie boy could de-base me anytime he wanted.

If your job is so crap, why don’t you get another one? I hear you all say.

Simply for the reason that it’s too easy just to get up, do my job, come home, sleep, get up and do it all over again x 9 and find money sitting in the bank at the end of the fortnight. I might be tempted to call it apathy, others might say that I’m just in my comfort zone, but what I’m really interested in is the ‘line’ that would need to be crossed before I would throw up my arms in defeat and leave. At what point would I say, ‘I can’t do this anymore’ ?

Two years and three months ago, I remember sitting on the lounge, crying and saying to Master, ‘I can’t do this anymore’. The details of why it happened are a bit fuzzy,  but I remember feeling so impossibly overwhelmed, so pulled in opposing directions, that I knew it was ‘beyond me’ to continue. It was very early in our relationship and still at a time when I was adapting, changing and trying to understand who Master was and what he wanted. I also remember feeling that I was somehow lacking as a slave because ‘I couldn’t do it all’. I felt very worthless, very sad and very empty.

It has taken me a lot to realise that I don’t have to do it all. I don’t have to be perfect in everything I do. The reality is that I have limits both mental and physical ones and sometimes there is a point where I ‘can’t do it anymore’. Those are the times I need some space, some support and some time to find my slave feet again, a chance to find what I ‘can do’ . Every time I get up after being knocked off my proverbial ‘slave block’, I get up, slightly to the left or right or where I was standing before I fell over, but generally I’m a lot steadier on my feet after the fall.

I’m a little bit against people calling themselves a slave but stating that they ‘won’t do a,b,c,d,e,f…..etc’. Stating you won’t do something because you either don’t like it or don’t enjoy it kind of defeats the purpose of being a slave. Although I know there are some things that I can’t do, I will always try and physical limitations are things that should be understood by both parties as a matter of safety. For example, Master knows not to let me get too cold, not to have me wear gags for long periods and he will generally take into account if I’m plaguing or have a sore back or something else. It’s not that I’m lacking as a slave, it’s just him taking care of his property.

Perhaps I haven’t reached that saturation point in my job yet. Perhaps that point of ‘no return’ is still ahead of me, or perhaps I passed it long ago and just got up, dusted the dirt off and got back into position, but just slightly to the left.

Home please James

I’ve got this thing for getting into tv shows way after they were ever popular. I discover everything in re-runs: Sex and the City, Rome, Family Guy and my latest addiction, Boston Legal.

It’s trashy, purile, sexist and nothing other than one hour of pure escapism, but it has one very important redeeming factor…….

James Spader.

There is just something about him that I can’t put my finger on, all I know it that it’s as hot as hell. He has this look that is slightly amused, slightly condescending and very enigmatic that all the while bores right into you, almost like he is devouring you from the inside out. This, coupled with long fingers with nails peaking over the edges and far too much intelligence, gives you an intoxicating mix. The mix smells of power and once I get a whiff of the power I’m sold.

I see a similar variation of the mix in Master and it smacks to me of a domly one. I’m not saying that you have to reek of power to be a domly one, but something about it makes my heart beat faster and my breath come quicker. It’s simply sublime.

There’s an idiom we use: ‘drunk with power’ but generally it only refers to the empowered one. However, I’d like to suggest that those people on the other end of the power can become as equally as inebriated. I’ve lost count of the times when a look or a tone of voice or even a simple gesture has made me lose my sobriety. Once you’re drunk on the power all the other human quirks of the powerful one just fade away. The mantle of power is very forgiving.

But….

The longer you’re in an M/s relationship, the more the power dims, the more the humanity shines through. The fantastic becomes the commonplace and suddenly you need more and more to get the same effect. Like alcohol tolerance, power tolerance is slowly, but surely built over time. What once would have had you drunk and under the table, barely gets you tipsy and giggling anymore.

Other than my die-hard love of chocolate, I can’t think of one thing I used to do on a regular basis five years ago that I do now. I suppose we grow, change and get bored. We evolve, move on, seek other challenges and other things to get drunk on. This goes for hobbies, interests and even relationships.

To borrow a line from SaTC:

“I believe a relationship is like couture, if it doesn’t fit perfectly it’s a disaster.”

A little nip here, a little tuck there, minor adjustments or a total change of fabric. If we really want to wear the relationship, we’ll make it fit….in whatever way we can.

And just in case I’ve got you wondering from the tone of this blog, I’m not planning on going anywhere. My coat of many colours fits quite nicely with all the little adjustments I’ve made to it over the years – now I just need to make sure I hold off on the addictive carrot muffins so I can fit into it!