Beginnings

Ho hum…it’s the obligatory blog post heralding the start of a new year, new resolutions and full of excitement at the ‘beginning’ of something………………………

Or is it?

I’ve actually been chewing on this topic for a while and now that I’ve gorged myself on WoW and festive fare to a point where I’ve got RSI in my wrist and I look like I’ve got a five-month-old bun in my oven, it’s time to spit out the cud.

My pondering was all started by a collaring ceremony I read about that took place a few weeks back. I saw the pics, read the accounts and and saw the ‘official’ changing of the relationship status in that register of all registers, Fetlife. All the while I couldn’t help wondering what had changed. What had altered these people from what they were before? A few words spoken, a signature on a meaningless piece of paper, a ritualistic exchange of some ‘meaningful’ object? Once done, did these things magically start them down a new path?

I remember spending months of time on planning and considerable amounts of money on a marriage ceremony that changed nothing about the way I felt. I remember exchanging rings that I designed and vows that I wrote that left me strangely feeling nothing.I remember writing a heart-felt slave contract, signing it and having my sister sign it but then walking out the door 12mths later. None of these ceremonial things made a sliver of difference when push came to shove and hard decisions needed to be made.

I’ve thought on occasion that I’d like to have a collaring ceremony with Master. Part of me, I guess, was hoping that I could use it as a ‘new beginning’ to a life where I’d be a ‘good slave’ and he’d be the ‘perfect Master’. But, we all know that a few words and some ritualistic gestures ain’t going to change anyone or anything. It’s unrealistic to snap your fingers and expect something to change.

‘Starting today, I’ll be a good slave!’

Which is in a similarly unbelievable category as:

‘An unwrapped Mars bar up the cunt sounds like a great idea!’

I find it interesting that we always have to have a starting point for everything, as though there is some invisible line, where all that has gone before ceases to exist and everything that comes after is fresh, new and pristine. I find it interesting because people are constantly ‘reinventing’ themselves, when intrinsically nothing has changed and nothing will change. There may be a few cosmetic changes that can be worked for a short time, but ultimately people will revert to what they were before.

Similarly every new year is greeted with a swathe of people drawing invisible lines in the sand and saying, ‘From today I will/won’t do X, Y, Z’ . My personal favourite and often repeated resolutions are:

1. Lose 20kgs
2. Be a more obedient and attentive slave
3. Get a fulfilling job
4. Clean regularly and thoroughly
5. Spend less time surfing the net/playing Wow/playing Xbox/playing PS2

I make the same resolutions every year and every year I fail miserably. So this year I’ve decided to make my resolutions attainable and thoroughly realistic!

In 2009 I resolve to:

1. Lose 5kg, put on 5kgs, lose another 2kgs and put on 8kgs
2. Be the same sassy smart-ass, excuse of a slave that I always am
3. Do the same crap job that I hate and that continues to suck the life and soul out of me
4. Clean only when someone is coming over
5. Spend all available hours avoiding doing meaningful things, and lose whole afternoons and evenings killing things and farming gold

For the first time in years, I feel like this is a new beginning!

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