So after 3 1/2 years I finally made the move to WordPress. I can’t exactly say for sure why I felt the need to move, just that I have a ‘restlessness’ at the moment which is making me think that I need to change a lot of things.
To put it bluntly, I’m stuck in a rut.
It may just be the equivalent of ‘gogatsubyou’ (literally ‘May disease’ in Japanese) where everyone starts new jobs and new schools in April and then the reality of the new being, at best, the same and at worst, worse than the old hits home about a month later. So I entered 2009 with excitement(?) for the fresh beginning, but the reality of nothing really changing has hit home now.
I came to the conclusion a while ago that my slavery has very little to do with my overall happiness levels. My slavery complements things i.e when it gets out of whack it does colour everything else, but if everything else isn’t going well, having a ‘happy-happy-slave-life’ means fuck all. I’d say that my happiness levels are made of 30% my relationship above and beyond M/s with Master, 30% my job and 40% what I’m doing to enrich my life. This equates to 70% of my happiness being in my own little hands – as Master chooses to have minimal interference in my employment choices and past times. As I’ve always said, you are responsible for your own happiness, if you’re not happy, do something about it!
Since clearing up the job situation last month, it’s time to move on to enriching my life and basically, I just need something to do!! I’ve come to the conclusion that that is why people have kids – it fills in those years from puberty until death.
Looking on Facebook today, I was once again struck by the number of people I went to school with who have children as their lives – their profile pics are their children, their status updates are all ”Susie, my baby girl, is so cute!’ and they are all members of groups with names like ‘Diaper Dos and Don’ts’. I’ve made a conscious decision not to have children and as I get older, I notice I have nothing to talk to my friends about and I feel utterly and totally left out of the ‘happy familes’ rainbow that is sweeping my friends lists.
So to fill that void from puberty to death I need something…. A hobby? A social network? Twenty cats and a teddy bear named Rupert? Originally I thought that bdsm was going to fill that void, but I know it ain’t. It’s a way of living, not a life.
In short, I’m a bit lost. Too much time on my hands and no skills or interests to keep me occupied. So perhaps this new blog is something I can throw myself into, or maybe it’s merely a distraction from the big picture. We’ll see…