B is for bondage

So after my little rant yesterday about a lack of bondage in my life, I was surprised to see that other people suffer too. It appears that there are can’t-be-bothered doms everywhere! What a revelation! Doms for whom the mental bondage of their sub/slave is more than sufficient for their evil plans. Who needs to mess around with ropes when you can tell the bitch to ‘Stay!’ and she will?!? It’s a sad and sorry state of affairs….

90% of the reason I got into bdsm was bondage (the other 10% is my need to be used and abused as the toyslut with holes that I am…) I spent many, many years tying myself up and imagining that someone else was actually doing it. I’d play out the little kidnap fantasies whenever I managed to get some time alone and that was how I dealt with the burning need to be rendered immobile and helpless that I constantly felt.

BDSM – that lovely acronym that we all love. Bondage is an integral part of it.After all, it’s not DSMB…it’s *B*DSM. B is for bondage! Bondage comes first! I am where I am today because….well…I desperately needed someone to tie me up. It’s that simple.

Of course, I can tie myself up in exactly the ways I like, very efficiently and with a well-practised hand. But, I always have to tie myself up in a way that I can still get out. It’s not ‘real’. I *know* I can get out. I *know* I’m not helpless. When I tie myself up I’m very much still in control and I don’t want to be.

Bondage also carries another important meaning. Along with cages, chains, collars and anything else used to keep your slave near, it is an expression of an owner’s wish to keep the slave. It’s not for fear that the slave will run away, it’s an expression of how precious and dear the slave is to you. You lock up your house, your car, even put a chain on your pushbike. Why? Because they are yours and they have value to you. So too, your slave. The more important and valuable the thing, the more time and energy you spend securing it. If you can’t be bothered securing your slave, does that mean she’s worthless?

I have a chain on my bed that I am supposed to attach to my collar before I go to sleep. I think he assumed that it would be a ‘nice little bit of bed bondage’ for me, but I hate it. I absolutely loathe it. Every time I snap it on, it’s like a mockery of my feelings of worth. There is absolutely no point in me chaining myself with a latch that slips off as easily as it slips on. To say nothing of the meaninglessness of *me* doing it. I think he originally intended it to be something for me to enjoy, like ‘ooh, I’m a slave sleeping in chains’ but it just makes me feel nothing but sad and lonely

What is actually going through Master’s head in regards to bondage is probably quite different to what’s going on inside mine. The bottom line is, he’s just not that interested in it. Why waste time on something that is ultimately just going to get in the way? If I tell her to stay, she’ll stay, so what’s the point?  I’m sure the thought of me equating bondage with my feelings of worth has never even crossed his mind.

But that’s how important bondage is to me and it saddens me to hear that ‘can’t-be-bothered’ doms seem to be around in epidemic proportions. Can BDSM still be BDSM without the bondage, or does it just end up being sex on tap without the need to ‘worry” about the bitch?

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7 thoughts on “B is for bondage

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  1. Interesting post, and questions. Is your Master into D/s…or…are you. Mental is very important in a D/s relationship..perhaps this is where He is coming from.

    Try NOT staying and see what happens? But then again..I would NEVER suggest you disobey an order

    A

    1. @siranneal…thank you for the comment. In reply to your question, we are both into D/s, but just have different fetishes. He and I are sort of on a different page and I guess as the slave it’s up to me to get my ass over to his page.

      Our relationship is complex and what I write about here in my blog are things that I want to get off my chest. Just because I’m ranting about some particular thing, does not necessarily mean that I’m ready to up and leave. Not everyone is happy about everything all the time in the even the best relationship, so I think I’m entitled to not agree or have issues with some things along the way too.

  2. Reading this made me feel a little sad for you because, while I knew that you really like bondage, I never thought it was your main reason for getting involved in BDSM. I always figured you wanted to be a slave–which would warrant the suck it up approach–and just had a preference for rope. In my opinion this changes a lot.

    Just an idea–perhaps you could beg your Master to exchange some of your ‘lollies’ for rope sessions? I mean, to see you sacrifice orgasms for rope– and watch you struggle so beautifully–might appeal to his sadistic side and get you some rope action.

    1. @slut on display….don’t be sad! It’s something I’ve sort of come to realise over a period of time. I went looking for bondage, discovered that a slave gets bondage, then decided to become a slave.Can I now use this as a reason why I’m a sucky slave? Hehehehe.

      I liked your idea, but the only problem is that I always enjoy a lolly after bondage. And now I’m wondering whether I could stand getting all heated up over bondage and then having nothing to defuse it with….hmmm….is this what they would all ‘dilemma bondage’?? 🙂

  3. i know what you mean about the “doing it yourself” nightly chain to the bed – i am to put my own wrist and ankle cuffs, if SG has fallen asleep when He stays… it’s a point i made in a recent post – there are some things that should be only done by Doms/Masters. i LOVE bondage and i know SG does too… if He ever stopped loving it, i don’t know what i’d do….

    t. x

    1. @trinity-pup. Definitely! There are only things a Masterly one should be doing. A question though, could you give up what you love for SG (if he lost interest or something in it)?

  4. that’s a tough one! i guess my answer would be yes…. as i love Him for everything, not just the D/s side… He is my soulmate…. but i hope that side of things never fades 🙂

    t.

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