Open k asked me a question:
What action does a submissive have to do to be considered a true submissive female in your eyes. i realize everyone is different and couples play in different areas. Some are lightweights in one area and play intensively in another. But what separates a poser or wannabee from a sub that is truly into it. Does it have to be 24/7? Are there a few items, anyone of which signifies a real sub?
If you comment on it, she will write…so here’s my answer.
I could give a Barney answer in keeping with our recent educational philosophies of ‘all-kiddies-are-winners-so-let’s-give-them-all-a-trophy’ and say that you’re only a slave as defined by your owner i.e you do what he wants you to do and if he says you’re his slave, then you are.
But that’s the after-school special answer. In my eyes, you can’t just call yourself a slave and expect to get away with it. You’ve got to do a bit of the hard stuff, struggle against things so badly it hurts and live mostly unaware of the blissful happiness just bubbling below the surface because it’s covered up by all the other crap of life.
You’ve got to endure a bit of pain – none of this fur flogger bulllshit. You’ve got to be beaten when you really want to be, not beaten when you really want to be, and not beaten when you really want to be. You can’t have a safeword and you can’t expect to have an hour of ‘aftercare’ for every minute of pain. In fact, you’ll be lucky if the aftercare consists of anything other than taking off the ropes or chains.
You’ve got to get up and get him that fucking cup of coffee/piece of fruit/bowl of ice cream when you really don’t want to. You’ve got to come running (well, sometimes strolling) when he yells “Bitch” for the fortieth time that day and resist the urge to strangle him when he empties out the watercooler in front of you and casually says as he walks past, “You need to fill that up.”
You’ve got to live with the man – none of this once a month play & fuckfest or online stuff. You’ve got to learn to be the slave all the time, not just for isolated times when everything is perfect and intense. You’ve got to watch toys gather dust and days roll into weeks and months where absolutely nothing happens and instead you just live life together. You see him when he’s sick, sad, vulnerable and depressed. He sees you with bed-hair, peeing and scratching your armpits.
You’ve got to wear a collar. You’ve got to be marked in someway that signifies his ownership. Furniture is an optional extra and permission is something that is required for just about everything.
I don’t think that ‘doing’ something in particular makes you a slave. There is no list where you cross things off one by one and when everything is crossed off, you are officially a slave. I wouldn’t say someone into blood, cuttings and needles is more or less of a slave than someone into putting wine bottles up their anus. Above and beyond being able to take a good beating every now and then, everything else is a party trick.
The ‘real’ ones aren’t happy all the time, they’re not 100% complete and fulfilled with service. The real ones struggle to control their expectations and their will. They learn that acceptance is something that will come to them in time along with obedience. The ‘real’ ones know that their Master is just a man and they’re just a woman and that there are limitations to everything. He is not god and she is not superwoman. Bodies get older, interests change and everything is in constant flux.
And in the quiet times when they’re alone, the ‘real’ ones think that she loves him and he loves her and everything is right with the world.
That’s what a ‘true’ slave is to me.