Is masochism catching?

I have a question…

How many subbly folk didn’t know they have masochistic tendencies until being played with?

Or perhaps a better question…

How many subbly folk only enjoy pain when they’re enduring it for someone else?

I started thinking about this on Saturday evening following my punishment for being a ‘bad kitten’. I’d been given the nakedness and boots directive earlier in the day and for some reason or another, it took about 6 hours for me to actually get naked and booted.

I had originally been given dispensation to delay the naked and bootedness until after I’d had my coffee and muffin, but when questioned by Master about why it had taken me hours and I replied,

‘Well, 6 hours after is still after. You didn’t say I had to do it straight after!

I was doomed. Needless to say, Master wasn’t impressed….obviously…and he responded with his oft repeated phrase, 

‘You’re cute, but not that cute.’

So his instrument of punishment was nothing more than his fingers, but damn those fuckers can hurt. He boob-crippled me – which I think is almost as painful as a nipple-crippling – over and over again until I had apologized, cried in pain and was suitably back in my place…on the floor…again.

Now I have to be honest, there is a very small part of me that likes being hurt and not simply for the fact that I’m being used. Something inside me finds it exquisitely….umm, I don’t know how to explain it…satisfying? After the pain has gone, of course.  Generally after some Master-inflicted ouchiness, I’m chirpy and in the mood for something yummy to eat.

The pain itself sucks and the tears he forces out of me are real. I’m not crying because I’m hoping that will make him stop (although I often am wishing that), I’m crying because it hurts. I’ve got no control over those tears and they flow of their own accord. But after the pain has gone, it feels good to have endured it.

Reading one of the blogs on my blogslog, I came across someone describing how they became a slave. She stated she never knew she was a masochist until she met her Master and he ‘brought it out’ in her. But see, I have to question that. How can you not know if you’re a masochist? Surely you would have had some inkling in the forty years of your life prior to meeting a man with a whip, that you enjoyed pain. If you enjoy pain for pain’s sake (which is how I define a masochist) wouldn’t you have been doing things to yourself or at least fantasizing about it before then?

I would suggest that she’s not a masochist – a slave? yes. A masochist? no. I think a masochist is a rare breed of person – they don’t enjoy enduring pain for someone else, they actually enjoy the pain themselves. I’m not a masochist (duh!) so every painful/uncomfortable/humiliating thing I go through is made endurableby the fact that it’s being directed by Master and that’s precisely why I can do it. Left to my own devices, I’d chicken out of piercings, tattoos and beatings. I’d never offer myself up to be someones instrument of torture (although maybe I actually did indirectly by becoming a slave.)

In those periods of time when I’ve been an unowned soul, I’ve never felt the need to spank myself or hurt myself in any way. There’s just no point, because there’s no-one to do it for. I don’t feel an itch for pain like I do for a release. My life could happily be spent pain-free and in fact, I’d go out of my way to ensure a pain-free existence, but that need to be directed, controlled is something else. Perhaps I need the pain to remind me that in fact I am owned, because I would never do it to myself.

And in those quiet times when I think back to the things I’ve done and I say to myself,

‘How the fuck did I ever do that?’

they are obviously the times when I’m unconscious of the collar around my neck, forgetting that I didn’t do anything.

Not realising that Master did it.

And all I did was endure.


25 thoughts on “Is masochism catching?

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  1. well i see masochism differently to you, i didnt know i was a masochist until i had met Sebastian in Qld at the ripe old age of 40, it was he who drew it out of me and made me crave what he could give (and later by any of those i trusted could give), until i had met him i did not know i was one, i did not self inflict prior to that, if anything i avoided any pain i could..i allow a trusted few to give me pain. as you know i am unowned but the cravings are still there and need to be fed, i dont class myself as a pain slut because i see them as loving the pain for pain sakes, where i dont love the pain at all, i love what it does to me after, not during, i love seeing the fire in the sadists eyes and that helps me endure, that feeds me and its something that needs to be fed otherwise i go a little crazy. i believe masochism is to endure to a sadist, that in no way means just my one, its not that cut and dry, i know quite a few masochists who play with others and not just their Master and they are masochists not pain sluts.

    1. But how do you explain those times when you’ve got an itch that just needs to be beaten?? As you say, do you feed off the need of the person that beating you? But what if they aren’t your sadist and are just scratching the itch for you?

      Is it your need to ‘submit’ to the one that is beating you the thing that drives you?

      1. lord no, when you see me play at parties im not submitting cause to submit to one, one must be my Dominant, at parties its all just play (i am not submitting i am bottoming) but that itch is being scratched because it needs to be scratched, it could be scratched by male or female, as long as they want to inflict pain on me its all good fun for me and not submission, submission requires more than just play for me, i have to feel it within and believe me at parties i dont feel one bit submissive, if i did i wouldnt want to torture you. not sure this makes much sense but you know me i dont explain myself well.

  2. What’s the difference between being a masochist and being a pain slut? I think I first became aware of myself with a boyfriend who hit me because he was angry. Usually with me but sometimes with himself or with weather. I soon realised that he was showing his weaknss, which was exactly what I did NOT want. But the pain did something for me. So now I have a Master who is strong, sometimnes uncomfortably so. ( I mean mentally not physically, though he’s strong in thaty department too.)
    I never really liked “casual sex” and I don’t really like “casual pain” either. It has to be involved with service to be really enjoyable. Yet when I was Masterless, a sort of Ronin, I needed to seek out pain sometimes. It just drives out all the confusion in your head if you are focused totally on hoping the next strike will be the last.

    1. I suppose every one does something a bit different when they need to ‘lose’ themselves….some drink….some do marathons….some meditate…some like to get beaten. It’s that old thing of whatever floats your boat, isn’t it?

      I totally agree with you on the casual pain. I personally like my pain to be served up with a large helping of pleasure 😉

  3. I didn’t realise I loved pain until I met my first Dom. I was in heaven but when I met Sir I was in super heaven! The pain for me is a way to release the ugly inside.
    I cut myself a few times trying to get that same feeling but it wasn’t the same so I never did it again.
    At times I want to be ripped apart, shredded, bleeding and torn, screaming, pleading for more, but I think the neighbours might call the police. lol

    1. At times I *think* I want to be absolutely beaten to a pulp but I think that I wouldn’t actually *want* the reality….and the police would be knocking on the door…lol.

      In some cases I guess a good beating is an absolution – it wipes the slate clean and gets rid of all the ‘ugly stuff’. I’ve never had the guts to self-harm, but I don’t think I’d get any sort of release out of it either.

  4. i dont like pain or seek pain..i hate getting a hang nail…. i have never inflicted any sort of pain on myself ever, nor thought about doing so. i did fantasize about being “taken” forcefully- being talked to in humiliating ways… as in name calling, what would be done to me etc… ( im not into the “you are a worthless piece of nothing talk”) when i met Master, and He describe this lifestyle that i had only fantasized small bits of, i knew its what i was looking for- what i was craving in my life. i dont like the sting of the whip or belt or crop etc… but i want it sooo bad… i want, need and love the “place “it puts me in… i absolutely love the look in Masters eyes as He is inflicting whatever on me… i love the tone in His voice that He gets…. i need to be controlled- its a huge need- even if i somnetimes try and resist certain things, its still something that fills me inside. given our distance, there are things im told to do to myself that inflict pain and punishment- but i do those things because im told to- because its expected of me… and i do get that thrill inside knowing i am following Masters orders.

    1. Yes. But I actually prefer the ‘you are pond scum’ talk to the ‘you are a dirty whore’. I’m so not whore material that it just jolts me out of the headspace…lol.

      Thinking about this I’m now confused as to whether I like the challenge of the pain for myself or whether I like taking the pain to please him. I’d probably lean more to the pleasing him side of things if he was a sadist and got off on the giving of pain. As it is, there’s always the sneaking suspicion in my mind that in some way he is doing it ‘for me’ or because that is what is ‘expected’ .

  5. i read stories of purely masochistic folks getting off in the dentists chair while getting a root canal, and my eyes cross.

    i think perhaps i am masochistic (not entirely a masochist) in that the pain and being taken over physically allows me to feel a sense of control not only in my role as his submissive, but in my control over myself. it does provide a mental/emotional release, and i actually prefer no pleasure to accompany beatings (save it for after i’ve been worn down lol). but i would not get this sense of control or gratification if i caused the pain myself, nor if someone else was causing it (unless another were to cause it because he allowed it and supervised it). i get that sense of control from enduring it for him. i certainly would not get off on get off on pinching my boobies till i cry, or beating my ass with a cheese grater, and i dont get off on it when he does it either – i just get off on feeling like i’m his, mentally and physically. sure, i may mumble under our breath and pout as i wash the dishes or clean or do whatever it is i’ve been ordered to do/not do, even though i’d much rather do whatever the hell i want. but every once in a while a good beating that melts you back into place comes in very handy, for both parties lol. and a good beating often leaves me in such a state where i would scrub the grooves of his boots with my toothbrush if i thought it’d please him (and then run out a buy a new toothbrush of course lol, but you catch my drift).

    i’ve been a self-injurer since im 14 years old, and ive NEVER felt relief from the *pain* of cutting myself. i loathe the pain (though by now i dont feel pain when i do it anymore, only afterwards, as they heal), and while ive grown to live with it now i used to be terribly ashamed of the scars. but i did it and continue to do it when i am alone and need a sense of control over myself and my own emotions. i believe the beatings and the pain and the mental submission serve a similar function in my relationship with Sir though (so very “secretary” huh lol). but instead of it being MY control, it is now HIS control… and his control is not smeared by low self-esteem or any of that nonsense. his control is a thing of love and caring and safety and reassurance, something much healthier for me than my ongoing bad habits.

    your posts always make me think deeper and consider my own perspectives on things! but i think i can finally say i identify primarily as a submissive (maybe one day his live-in slave), and i do not identify myself solely by my masochistic tendencies anymore lol.

    1. Long comments are good!

      You’ve made me think that there is another category…self-harmers who aren’t masochists…who, like yourself, do it to feel the control over yourself and your emotions.

      I guess that’s always the problem with labels, not everyone fits into the same little box!

      Oh and P.S I don’t know what I am anymore…slave…submissive…sassy bitch…who knows?!?

      1. i think all women, regardless of their lifestyle, retain a bit of ‘sassy bitch’… genetic predisposition? maybe. but it sure makes life a heck of a lot more interesting sometimes lol.

      2. 4 days from now will be a year that I’ve had kitty, and she’s taught me that there are LOTS of other categories for everything one might think they know about. But I can’t think of an example without going into a sappy anecdote!

        She’s a fantastic person and I’m better for knowing her. Sorry for using your blog to make my girl feel special, but she is.

        Back to lurking in the shadows….

  6. After reading this i had to talk to my Master. i’m in my early 40’s and having been owned for just over a year now i am very content. So reading your blog i really got to thinking. i enjoy his pain. i am as still as i can be and enjoy the sound and feel of his toys hitting my skin. Am i a masochist? A painslut? A slave following the direction of her Owner? Is it because i want to please him because it is my job as a slave to take what he gives me? Am i enjoying the pain for him or am i simply enjoying pain? All of the above?

    i don’t like ear aches or tooth aches. Would i still be a masochist? A painslut?

    i don’t bruise to easy so when i get marks i know we enjoyed ourselves. Although as a slave it doesn’t really matter what i enjoy or don’t. We are slaves and pleasing our Owners is what we are here for. Right? Sometimes if i kneel and ask properly he’ll whip me simply because i’ve asked him to.

    i do think that i am lucky that i didn’t enter (find) this lifestyle in my younger days. The outcome would most likely not been a good one. My Owner is training me to be his slave. Just because it took me until i was in my 40’s doesn’t mean that it was or wasn’t always a part of me. Hidden away waiting to come out? Maybe. i also think that as we age we change. We grow. We try new things. We find things that give us what we didn’t know before. We enjoy and explore things that were once just thoughts that were locked away waiting for the person with the key to unlock the door. We enjoy and explore things that never entered our thoughts until the right person came along to enjoy and explore with.

    i think i enjoy the pain. Enjoying pain because it is my Owner giving it to me….. Priceless!

    Thanks for making me think.

    1. Thanks for the comment!

      What you’ve said here is exactly what I was talking about – as slaves we *learn* to ‘enjoy’ pain because it’s part of the submission process.

      I wouldn’t class you as a painslut because you don’t get off on pain for pain’s sake and I’d guess that if your owner wasn’t the one administering it to you (or directing someone else to do it) then you wouldn’t ‘enjoy’ it therefore you’re not exactly a masochist either. This is exactly how I am.

      I don’t think you have to be a masochist to be a slave. You don’ have to be a painslut to be a slave either. You can be a slave and simply ‘enjoy’ pain because it’s coming from your owner.

  7. Hello!
    Very Interesting post! Thank you for such interesting resource!
    PS: Sorry for my bad english, I’v just started to learn this language 😉
    See you!
    Your, Raiul Baztepo

  8. Hello ! ^_^
    I am Piter Kokoniz. oOnly want to tell, that I like your blog very much!
    And want to ask you: is this blog your hobby?
    Sorry for my bad english:)
    Thank you:)

  9. I find this article to be interesting, and I’ve learned a bit about myself. I’ven ever really tried anything in reality with masochism, I do fantasize…a lot.

    Often in my dreams (or nightmares if you will), my Master is actually younger or smaller than I am, say, a child, not someone older or bigger than me. I’m 21, so in the dream, said controller would be, say 15, or even as low as 5 years of age. No, I’m not a pedophile. Pedophillia honestly, in reality disgusts me deeply (that’s where my inner sadist comes out!) and I feel as if I’ll go on a murder spree.

    Though, in real life, I am a bit of a masochist. Whenever I go to the dentist for a teeth cleaning, I hate it if they miss and hit my gum line, but there is something about the aftermath (the endorphines probably) that I really like. The cuts don’t hurt that much, but actually have a good feeling to them. I enjoy the feeling of being watched from above, though, I DO understand they are not inflicting the pain to be cruel, so I think that makes it easier. Still, I sometimes wonder…maybe I am a bit of a masochist.

    Though, when it comes down to self harm, that I do not believe in, especially if it is about ‘controlling’ oneself and their emotions. I honestly find it quite sad when people do that, and I would recommend either therapy (just talking it out, NOT as in going to an asylum) or anti-depressants, as self injury doesn’t solve the problem, and can lead to things even worse, like infection and suicide. Sometimes, depression is caused by an imbalance of chemicals in the brain, which medicinces will correct, which will slove the problem if it is chemical imbalances. Or just talking it out. What ever happened to that?

    I was suffeing from depression, and I had thoughts of self harm, but I knew that wouldn’t help the issue, so I did go into counselling, and that helped a lot. I don’t believe self harm is the right thing to do. If anything, that’s a last resort.

    Back on topic. Even though I hate pain at any level, I do remember this one time getting my leg closed in the car door. It hurt, bad. I was screaming, crying everything. After a while, when the pain subsided, my leg started to feel good nd so did I mentally and emotionally. That wasn’t my own action, it was on accident, but however, that was the first time I ever noticed the good side to pain.

  10. Though, I do have a few questions subtletimes. How did you become a slave? Have you ever had thoughts of running away, or have you ever wanted to run away? Do you ever fanatsize of yourself being a sadist? If this isn’t too personal of a question, how old are you, and how old is your Master in comparison to you? You don’t have to answer the last one. I’m just curious.

  11. You know this can kill you eventually. A person who is on a constant fight or flight mode can eventually develop a disease where there own immune system starts attacking itself. This can also happen if a person is in too much pain for too long. So you may want to stop while you’re at this point.

    Also, it’s not the PAIN you “love” it’s the release of endoprhins that give us that “chippy” perky feeling, not the pain. However, in time the endorphin receptors can wear out, leading to an additction in your case it would be masochism.

    I’ve studied this for a long time and have found this type of behavior or liking of pain is the sign of a deficiency in endorphins. Diet can help reverse it, and even stop this pain loving addiction.

    Email me for more info at

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