The great mystery

What is it about kinky folk? Rational, mature adults who have family, jobs and function normally as a member of society somehow manage to morph into idiotic, immature fuckwits when placed in a room or an online forum together. Why is it?

Why do the people who whine the loudest about ‘vanilla’ people not understanding them and who blab non-stop about how happy they are now that they are finally ‘accepted’, end up being the most intolerant, judgemental people when it turns to matters of kink?

Why does a ‘community’ always have to have a huge school ground popularity contest with the ‘A Group’ and the ‘B Group’ and the associated back-stabbing, name-calling and rumour-spreading between the ‘in folk’ and the ‘out folk’? Why, why, why?

I can understand why a lot of people choose to stay underground and just do their own thing.

I’ve witnessed over the past few days the unfolding of a morbidly fascinating series of thread on Fetlife encompassing the entire kink community of where I live. It’s been like a car wreck on the side of the road that you just have to slow down and have a gander at. Although I’ve been itching to add my thoughts to what has been said, they would just be more kindling on the fire that was already/is still blazing out of control.

Basically the fire is centered on the monthly party that Master and I attend. It’s a party held at an individual’s house with no entry fee, where everyone brings a plate, their own drinks and mingles and plays with the huge array of toys there as they wish. Some people are not invited to the party because the owner of the house has personal issues with them or has seen them at other functions and feels that they would interrupt the flow of the party either with their style of play or personality.

I’ll repeat again here that the party is held at this person’s *private house* with no entry fee. In fact, with cleaning and heating of food and things, it would actually be costing this person money every month, but he continues to do it.

The people not invited to the party have started an all-out personal attack on the individual saying it’s not fair to exclude people. There have been numerous threads with hundreds of comments about all and sundry and it’s been going on for days.

I’ll repeat again, just in case you missed it the first time: it’s held at a person’s *private house*. It’s his party for which he receives no monetary gain.

Now, I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t be inviting someone I didn’t like or didn’t get along with to a bbq I was having at my house.  I wouldn’t invite someone I knew was a notorious drunk or someone who always rubbed other people up the wrong way. I wouldn’t even need to explain my decision. So why is this situation any different? And why has this topic been a catalyst for everyone to bitch and moan about everyone else and bring up everything has has ever happened before?

I’m convinced that a lot of people seek out like-minded people  simply in order to justify their own choices and behaviours. They don’t want to make friends or play nicely together, they want to reassure themselves that they are tougher/have better outfits/have the best skills/ are the most edgy/have the most fetlife friends etc. and when they discover someone ‘better’ they go into preservation mode and start tearing down the people they feel threatened by.

Remember when Fetlife started and everyone raved about how good it was to finally have a place like that? Now it’s turning into a cesspit of dirty-laundry airing and bitchiness. It’s sad it has to be like that. But seriously, kinky folk seem to have the least common decency and commonsense of any group I’ve ever come across.

What I want to know is, why are the people who are supposed to be the most tolerant, actually the most intolerant?

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10 thoughts on “The great mystery

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  1. she has been a right royal looney and all i can say is, she needs to give up the drink…

    im so glad i have spent the day in the company of a very nice sadistic man, a drive to Mundaring Hotel, lunch a drive back home and some over due play, yay..i think i may have struck gold this time, but i digress, im back and now will see the madness that has been out of my mind all day.

    to answer your question…i dont know.

    1. Oooohhh….lucky you! I’m so glad you had a nice weekend 🙂

      *goes off to trawl through fetlife profiles to see if she can figure out who ithe ‘gold’ one is*

  2. All I know is the Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory:
    Normal Person + Anonymity + Audience = Total Fuckwad

    In other words, I’m sorry I missed out on FetLife before it became a cesspool, but I’m sure there’ll be another eventually.

    1. Heheheheh I’m liking that theory! I’m sure there will be another one too. It seems to be the thing to start something, turn it into a cesspool and then make something new. Rinse and repeat.

  3. This is why Master and I aren’t involved in the kink community. Just because people share one interest with you doesn’t mean that you’re going to be friends. Or even like each other. Although sometimes I think that I’d like to talk to someone that gets ‘it’, that urge is quickly quashed.

    1. Just because people share one interest with you doesn’t mean that you’re going to be friends.

      Very true. I often laugh when people go on about the ‘sister subbyhood’ etc. Please, just because we’re subbly folk doesn’t mean we automatically become best buddies.
      It is nice to find someone that you can talk about things with, but as you say, sometimes the bullshit just outweighs even that.

  4. seeing how things unfold and often get nasty between those experienced within in the community already, i can only imagine how terrifying it is for newcomers to kink to try and get involved in the community. im happy in the private safety of what i do with Sir, and while i would love to experience going to play parties and stuff like that, all i can think about is the judgemental personalities i see so often among kink folk.

    anytime like-minded people get together, the faults they project out unto others will undoubtedly be amplified within themselves.

  5. WTF? I might go down the road and abuse the neighbours for not inviting me to their BBQ.
    No way would I be inviting anyone I didn’t like to any party.

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