If I was really a cat, honest to god, I would of lost a life yesterday morning. I died, and by that I mean that I hovered over my body and looked down upon myself at 5am as I felt something something small, hard and alien in bed with me.
With my heart-pounding, I was still half-asleep as I scooped it up and threw it across the room. It’s probably a dog biscuit or something I thought to myself (the poodle pup likes to scatter them all over the house so it pays to watch where you’re stepping while in stiletto boots), but curiousity got the better of me, so I turned on the light and had a look at what it was.
A fucking cockroach.
And it was still alive! So I did a comando roll out of bed, grabbed my slipper with a free hand and thumped the bejesus out of it. Probably a few times more than was necessary, but at least I knew the sucker was dead.
Ahhh….the glamorous life of a sex slave.
Well, I’m down to 8 lives now so I’d better do bed-checks before hopping in bed from now on or this kitty is going to soon be a dead kitty.
In other news, it looks like my anticipated trip to Japan is not going to be happening (I’d applied for a programme through the Japanese Foreign Ministry that was for an 11-day all-inclusive trip to Japan.) People selected were supposed to have been contacted by 22nd April…and well, it’s the 25th now and…yeah….
The good side of not going is that it will mean that I have 16 news lollies to add to my lolly jar! Yay!
*does a little happy dance*
Master and I had a bet using my remaining 9 releases, which I would lose if I got to go and if I didn’t get to go, I would get an additional 16. Master was working under the assumption that if I got to go to Japan, not only wouldn’t it cost him anything, but he would be holding all the release cards. A total win-win for him.
I was working under the assumption that a person who has already spent ten years in Japan wouldn’t be chosen to go again, so I knew that I’d be pretty damn safe betting my last 9 releases on the chance of gaining 16 more.
My next bit of news is that I’ve reached my first weight loss goal! Yay!
*does another happy dance*
I was hoping there would be a blimp trailing, ‘Congratulations!!!!’ across the sky and fireworks erupting as I typed in my weight this morning, but the only thing was a, ‘Well done on achieving your first goal!’ that flashed up on the screen in calorieking. It was a tad deflating.
I was also hoping that maybe they’d give me a few more calories in my daily allowance so that I wouldn’t have to angst over whether the apple I had eaten with my yoghurt for lunch was going to tip me over my 1310cals for the day, but instead the bastards dropped it to 1280cals! I’m hoping to eventually fit into an uber lovely pair of leather pants that Master purchased for me eons ago, but that I’ve never been able to get past my thunder thighs. Hopefully having something to wear will encourage Master to let me attend a party wearing them, instead of going butt naked.
Finally, I just have this delightful little moment from our trip to the supermarket yesterday to share with you. They had packets of salt on special for 93c for 1kg yesterday so I bought 10 packets. It’s salt harvested from natural salt beds in Western Australia and contains no iodine, so it’s perfect for my pussy cleaning.
As we went through the checkout, the checkout chick looked at the mound of salt on the conveyor belt, scanned a packet and said,
“Wow, that’s cheap.”
“Yep, that’s why I bought so much,” I replied.
She then thought about it for a moment and asked,
“Yeah, but does this stuff keep?”
I looked at Master. He looked at me. It was priceless.
Ahhh….the kids of today. What will the world be like when they’re in charge???