God it’s hard to get your mojo back when you go away for a while. Having no innernets for a week was both a blessing and a curse – it’s great to get away from life, but hard to get back into life when you return. It’s also officially winter (since June 1st) and I’m heading into hibernation mode. Winter…blech…I even hate the word.
Master thinks I’ve been going a bit feral of late so he has added two things to his shopping list to impose my slavery upon me in a slightly more tangible way: a chastity belt and a posture collar.
I’ve been enamoured with the idea of a posture collar for a couple of months now. I even went as far as to ask Master whether my metal collar could be taken off (I emphasize the word ‘ask’ here as I realise that generally ‘asking is futile’ in the lot of a slave, but I thought it can’t hurt…but now I’m realising that asking can actually hurt 🙂 )
He gave me the standard, “WTF are you talking about bitch?” look at first, but then said that as long as it was being replaced by a posture collar, he would take off my steel collar. Yay!
There was a time when the very thought of having my collar removed made me sick to the stomach – but not any more. Maybe it means I’ve somehow grown as a slave and that even without all the bells and whistles I feel secure. Or perhaps it just means that finally, after eons of pondering, I’ve come to realise that a collar does not a slave make.
I often think that life would be more comfortable and quieter without that hunk of metal around my neck. Sometimes I’d also like to wear a necklace or something a little less ‘industrial’. Unfortunately though, it’s very much a part of ‘the look’ that Master likes and so it stays firmly there with just the occasional adjustment courtesy of the allen key when the locking screw starts to pop its head out. Which by the way, I feel is his job to do and not mine even though I’m the only one who knows where the allen key actually is! Lol.
The other item on his wish list – the chastity belt- is slightly more inexplicable. I mean, all he has to say is ‘no releases’ and that would be the end of my days of dipping into my lolly jar. There is also no possibility of me using it without his consent anyway so I mentioned to him that more metal in my nether regions would make absolutely no difference to what I ‘can and cannot do’ with his pussy, but once again, it’s more about ‘the look’ than his ‘control’ over his property.
I’ve come to the conclusion that he is a very visual man and highly motivated by what he wants to see me wear/do/be. Once he gets a particular visual in his head that he wants to see, nothing will get in his way of achieving ‘the look’. This makes me feel many times like I’m a doll that he enjoys playing dress-up with. Of course you don’t care how your doll feels when you shave off her hair or leave her out in the yard so her face melts off – she’s a doll.
Comparing myself to a doll is misleading though. Master cares very passionately about me and in 99.99% of situations takes very good care of me. However, he also has an equal ability to have a zero care factor for me when there is ‘a look’ he wants involved. The pussy rings, the collar, the tattoo, impossibly high-heeled boots, the posture collar, the chastity belt…they are all part of ‘the look’ he wants and regardless of the discomfort and risks to me, thy will be done.
I constantly marvel at his ability to go from ‘meh’ to ‘are you okay sweetie????’ in nought to ten seconds. It’s like he has a care factor switch hidden away somewhere.
Me? The only time I have access to my care factor switch is when I’m pms-ing. During that golden time of the month, my switch is permanently stuck on, “Do it your fucking self asshole!”