Am I a bit sick?

No, I don’t have swine flu. Although my boss did the very cute Japanese thing and came to work wearing a mask today. Personally, I think he could do much better with his mask selection…perhaps the leopard print or something with Hello Kitty on it instead of boring, hospital white.

Anyways, Master and I were watching a program on the CI channel last night about, The Toy Box Killer. Basically, this man David Parker Ray became infamous for being sentenced to 224 years in prison in 2002 for kidnapping women and keeping them as sex slaves. He called himself The Dungeon Master and had a very elaborate trailer fitted out with instruments for restraining, inflicting pain and sexually abusing his captives. It is believed that he killed many of the women who entered his toybox, but police were never able to find a single body.

So I was watching as the police showed many of the henious instruments he had constructed and kept in his toy box: spreader-bars, dildos on sticks, fucking machines, floggers, restraining tables and various types of cuffs, collars and gags. They showed where he set up his tripod so he could record his encounters with his victims and they played segments of his initiation tape where he welcomed his ‘pieces of meat’ and informed them what he was going to do to them.

At this point, I’m sure the standard reaction one is supposed to have when hearing about this sort of thing is revulsion and horror. I, on the other hand, was getting juicy.

It all sounded so hot – the devices, the torture, the restraint. He even had a little cavity in the wall where he would chain up his captives and shut them away while he went out. Everything (except the whole killing side of things of course) was speaking to my nether regions. And that’s when I began to think, “Am I a bit sick?”

My reaction is not only limited to CI channel documentaries. Anytime I get a whiff of a storyline involving kidnapping, captivity or torture of some description, I am so watching it. I’ve also been thinking about perhaps perusing the true crime title series so I can get some more gritty stuff to entertain myself with. The sugary-sweet, desperate-woman-first-resists-but-eventually-realises-that-submission-is-her-destiny-and-allows-her-inner-slut-to-bloom stuff sets my teeth on edge. I need force. I need pain. I need a bit of brutality with my fiction.

I know I’m supposed to be disgusted and should be busily making placards to join the protest for crimes against women, but I find myself distracted and and thinking about my lolly-jar instead. Instead of thinking, ‘Damn that man has a great toybox!’ I known I should be thinking about the terrible experiences of these women. But I don’t and I’m guessing that gets me a big, fat cross on my behavioural report card. That’s why I haven’t really mentioned this dirty little pleasure of mine to anyone before. Instead, I decided to keep it low-key and tell the innernets about it! Yay for low-key confessions…

**Disclaimer: Of course, I don’t actually want anything horrendous like this to happen to me or anyone for that matter, but the fantasy of it is….how shall I put it? Delish 🙂 **


15 thoughts on “Am I a bit sick?

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  1. You are not the only one who has that type of reaction to that stuff. The word “rape” in any context is enough to perk my ears…and other bits…up. I was in my Humanities class the other night and we were going through art slides. She announced the name of the next slide before she should it. It was The Rape of the Daughters of Leucippus. I couldn’t help but feel a little thrill, even though I knew that it wasn’t going to be anything like what I imagined it could be.

    And one of the most profoundly disturbing moments in my life was watching a series of rape videos that an internet friend put up. Some of them were obviously staged. There was one though that looked….well, real.

    I didn’t turn it off.

    There was definitely a very split mind thing going on there…”That’s fucking hot.” and “Oh that poor girl!”

    And, I’m pretty secure in the fact that I A)don’t ever want to be raped for real B) would most certainly assist a woman that I found in that situation, not pull up a chair and watch. At first though, it was pretty disquieting.

    1. Mmmm…I have a tendency to perk at certain words too.

      There was an old Farrah Fawett movie called Extremeties where this guy comes to rape her but she turns the tables on him and ends up tying him up and caging him up in her fireplace. I was like 12 or something when my mum rented it and I distinctly remember watching and thinking it was hot.

      Strange, isn’t it?

  2. just a lil more de-lurking cause i like the word 🙂
    i grew up with much abuse and rape.
    so news accounts of the real thing, shows about and being near convicted kiddie diddlers etc make me physically wanna puke and go all manner or weird.
    BUT when its, i guess you would call it consensual? well … thats what i like. not sure if i can explain it quite right.
    im sure the shrinks would have a field day with us LOL

    1. Welcome back de-lurker 🙂

      It definitely has to be consensual and anything that is too real just isn’t good.

  3. Did they present that story with any facts? Because, seriously, that guys case was so far blown out of proportion and gave bdsm SUCH a bad name that it pisses me off.

    So, I know, not the point of your post, but I had to ask.

    Anyway, you are not alone in your “sickness”. The first thing that ever drew me to bdsm was a true crime story. 🙂

    1. Pretty much it just showed his ‘toy box’ then it covered the witness and the video where she was being ‘tortured’. They mentioned that his daughter was involved in getting the women back to the house and the accomplice who apparently strangled one of the women who visited the toybox.

      It was pretty mch shown from the crime & trial angle and didn’t particularly focus on the bdsm side of things. If they had started trashing bdsm I don’t think I would of found it so ‘hot’ 🙂

      The true crime story that got you started was the girl in the box, right? I sooo want to read it. Master said he read it years and years ago, but can he keep the book? No, he has to throw it out! Throw it out?!?! Men….

      1. Yep, that’s the story. You should order it off Amazon! That’s where I got my copy. I call it my bible. *nods*

        So, about poor David Ray.

        Everyone who testified against him did so after cutting a plea for their own reduced sentence. Like, a HUGE plea. They never found a body and he always maintained that he never killed anyone ever.

        Hard to say if he did or not- but no bodies plus testamony from bribed “witnesses”? I’m a skeptic.

        They said that one of the cops who examined his Toy Box was “so traumatized” by just *viewing* his toy collection that she went home and committed suicide.

        Srsly. Suicide from looking at whips and chains. Good Lord.

        His first trial was a hung jury. Not even the kidnapped victim (drugged up prostitute) could convince anyone that she hadn’t consented to it all (and David Ray swore that all of his girls were prostitutes who had agreed to the s&m). They were also drug addicts. He paid them.

        They tried him again.

        The second trial, they arressted his daughter for some related trumped up charge and threatened her with some ungodly amount of years in prison (accessory or something) and then offered David Ray a plea bargain. If he would plead guilty to the charges (and accept his 200+ years in prison), they’d reduce his daughter’s sentence to time served plus 5 years probation.

        So he pled guilty for his daughter’s release.

        Then he had a heart attack and died.

        So.. yeah. That concludes my first lecture of the day. Come back tomorrow and we’ll discuss The Girl In The Box. 😀

        1. *claps hands* Yay there’s a second lesson 🙂

          The whole story did seem a bit…ummm…forced? They really didn’t have any hard evidence in terms of bodies and no-one came forward except the ‘drugged up prostitute’ even though they claimed he had ‘tortured hundreds of women’. In the show they presented the prossie as a family friend.
          Personally I didn’t see anything that would kill anyone or that was even that dangerous in his toybox. What amused me the most was how they were acting like it was so ‘sick’ and ‘perverted’ that he’d want to restrain someone and have his way with them.

  4. The ray case was a mess for our local state prosecutors.

    That no bodies were ever found may be due to the proximity to a large water resevoir. One filled with bottom feeding giant cat fish. Course all of that is just circumstantial too.

    The BDSM community here dried up and blew away almost over night. The girl that was the victim also died on unnamed causes. Drug overdose most likely. There was another girl that stated clearly he crossed the line past consent into acutal slavery. That she was found running up a country road in her skivvies wearing a chain collar just added to the media feeding frenzy.

    The popular myth about the officer committing suicide is just that. A myth.

    Course once the story starts taking on myths it will live forever and no amount of evidence will ever be gleaned ast the “toy box” ended its existance in the hands of the state police.

    Be safe


    1. I can imagine press that bad would be death to any sort of bdsm community in existence there.

      Thanks for the additional info. It filled in a few of the gaps in the show.

  5. i started reading your description of the whole thing and my own mind started going into fantasy over-drive – i ended up having to ask myself if i was a little sick too!

  6. I have been getting hot on these types of stories since before I was 10 (prior to a certain age I would say fascinated 😛 Then after 13 or so things started responding painfully…). It started in movies that my dad would watch, I particularly remember one movie where a kid was tied to a bed while some clown was cleanly slicing his body (but it wasn’t a bloody scene at all…I still don’t know what movie it was). Then when I was younger I would watch these lifetime movies because a lot of them had the evil bad man at the end who would tie a woman down and try to rape her, or do something else. In reality I would never harm someone against their will. And if I caught someone else doing it I would call the cops and maybe try to stop them. But the fantasy of it is exceedingly hot. Also one show I really loved was this “silk stalkings” show that I would sneak watch as a kid. I remember an episode where a woman was tied with her hands above her head, had her shirt cut off, and the guy was rubbing a knife around her shoulder and neck and that was so exciting to me. There were a lot of fun episodes there hahahahaha…..

    When I hear stories like man x kept a woman in his basement for 10 years the fantasy of it really gets me hot and I try to find more details. I remember hearing the BTK killer and at first searching for details. Then when I read he only strangled his victims I was like blah boring….

    Anyway I would never hold anyone against their will or try to kill anyone. And I would call the cops if I knew someone doing that. But again the fantasy of it is very hot. I feel extremely guilty about it too and like I am sick. While I wouldn’t kill or hold anyone against there will, I do fantasize about doing stuff that some might consider torture….

    Now really amnesty international sometimes has stories of the torture victims (some alive and some dead) and I get excited by some of them. I feel really guilty because these people suffered. But anyway I also feel really excited by the fantasy. And some of the tortures I would even do to someone if I could. Obviously not with the intend to cause damage. Even electric shocks and the cattle prod. Violet Wands, Tens Units, and Cattle prods are readily available at your nearest fetish shop LOL….

    Anyway a big fantasy would be to act out an interrogation scene with someone. Or to act out a toybox torture type scene where she is my prisoner.

    Anyways, I understand what you mean. It is so exciting, but also a bit guilty, we should be protesting these crimes, etc…. And it makes me feel sick. I also had the super religious upbringing that even said self pleasure is bad, so that didn’t help these guilty feelings any either… But on the other hand it is very exciting…

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