BDSM the Strine Way

I had a request on my polls the other day for some more ‘Australian’ content so as a special treat (??) and in lieu of anything smutty to write about, I offer this once off manual to BDSM the Strine (Australian) way. If none of this makes any sense to you whatsoever, you’re obviously not Strine and may need to look a few things up in the Strine dictionary.

Step-by-step BDSM the Strine Way

1. Finding yourself a sheila:

As a bloke, this is probably the hardest step to complete. It can be hard to find a sheila without any ankle biters if she’s from the bush (because obviously getting up the duff is the only thing to do if you live out the back of bourke) and then you’ve got to get some rellies to look after them or a mate. Sheilas from the big smoke also aren’t all that keen on daggy blokes from the bush, so make sure you’re not dressed like a yobbo and your ute is clean.

The type of sheila you want will also depend on whether you’re an arse man or a tits man. If she’s a dead ringer for Angelina Jolie, that’s bewt, but if she looks like Kath or Kim, you might want to incorporate a hood into your arvo or evening’s entertainment. Make sure she’s also not a few kangaroos loose in the top paddock or once you start having your evil way with her, she might call the pigs and then you’ll be up shit creek before you even have a chance to crack a fat.

2. Playing with your sheila:

Have some tucker before you get started (something other than macca’s is recommended or she might whinge about you being a tight arse). Don’t have any grog, and if you’re going to tie her up, give it a burl the night before so you don’t look like a boofhead. Also, if you’re built like a brick shit house, she might feel a bit uncomfortable being alone with you, so let her ring a mate.

If you play for an extended period of time, give her a chance to go to the dunny and don’t forget the frangers or she will spit the dummy!

3. When you’re done:

If you’re both rooted, take a break, have a sanger or something and a bit of a yabber before you shoot through. Don’t skite about your performance or she’ll think you’re up yourself and then you’ll have buckley’s chance of seeing her again.

If she’s a dinky-di subby sheila and she thinks you’re not quite as useless as tits on a bull, then it’s likely you’ll get to see her again. As long as you don’t act like a derro the next time you meet, hopefully it will the start of a bewdiful Strine bdsm relationship.

(Normally this stuff makes me cringe and want to change my nationality, because I feel like a tour operator talking to a group of overseas tourists who think it’s ‘cute’, so don’t be expecting too much more in the future! )

Advertisements

17 thoughts on “BDSM the Strine Way

Add yours

  1. Makes me want to draw something up in the slang used in the areas of the US I grew up in.

    It would sound sumpin kinda like iss, and I ak shooly still speak this way to a degree n’at. While Master is from da same place, he speaks properly English, so it drives him up a wall to hear me say “redd up da room and worsh da windas!” (Clean up the room and was the windows) (Courtesy of Pittsburghese.com)

    1. If someone told me to ‘redd up da room’ I’d be like, “WTF?”

      Someone told me once I sounded Canadian and that was the funniest thing I ever heard. I did end up getting a bit of an accent when I was teaching American English and quickly learned to roll my ‘r’s though 🙂

      1. nothin wrong with sounding Canadian! LOL
        but what about if they ask if you’re a Kiwi?
        wonder what my old boss from Tas would say if i plunked that on his desk to translate? and sadly he taught me enough that i understand most of it anyhow

        1. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with sounding Canadian, I just found it funny that someone thought *I* sounded Canadian. If they asked if I’m a kiwi, I might have to slit my wrists or something (sorry, vanimp…)

  2. Despite not being a “strine”, I fully understand about a third of it. Due to my general knowledge of BDSM, “slanguage”, and experience with deciphering deliberately obtuse writing, I think I can reasonably guess the rest of it.

  3. Aw, man… this post made me SO nostalgic… I had a friend from Oz for a couple years. Just online, and in the beginning he tried to talk as strine-free as possible, but slowly he’d explain common things to me so he could talk normally – (words like arvo and esky were hard for him to NOT say)… And once in a while I’d request he speak in as MUCH strine as possible (and it read quite like that post!)

    I think the only words I DIDN’T know were “daggy” (though I figured it out in context) and “frangers” (looked ’em up, and I know why I never heard it – I don’t think he was a fan!)…

    (It cracked this guy up that over here we say we “root” for sports teams. Heh. I’d work it into conversation all the time….)

    It ALSO freaked him out when I would say things like “Yeah, I just hung out with a new co-worker last night – and I really enjoyed her!” I don’t know if that was regional, or something… But he seemed to think “enjoying” a person meant I’d slept with him/her… ODD! 😀

    He used to say he considered me “basically half-Australian” even though I’d never been.

    ….

    *drifts off into nostalgia*

    ~Chloe

    1. I think it also cracks people up when we pronounce ‘route’ as ‘root’ as in, ‘Which route are you going to take?’

      I would think you’d slept with someone if you said you ‘enjoyed’ them too! Lol.

    1. I also use crack a fat to mean when I’m all hot and sweaty and the first time I said that in front of Master, he was like, ‘You’re such a whore’ 🙂

      1. Cheeky wench … yep my family skipped a convicts ship from England and landed here … hehe go figure .. brats run in our ancestry LOL x

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: