One thing I learned from my abortive first slavery experience was, it’s hard to be a slave to someone who doesn’t have their shit together. I mean really… how can you respect someone and trust them to do what’s right for you when they can’t even look after themselves?
Take it from me, it just doesn’t work. They may think they ‘are ready’, you may think that things will be different *with you*, you may also hope that the responsibility of ownership will somehow set them on the straight and narrow…and then you can just keep on dreaming up yourself a successful bdsm relationship, because in a dream is the only place it’s going to happen!!! In fact, people who haven’t got their shit together when you start a relationship are, generally speaking, only going to get worse because now they’ve ‘got a slave to do it for them’.
An owner doesn’t have to be the perfect man, but he needs to at least have a job, have somewhere to live, not owe $10,000 to the local mafia and not be mentally unstable/drug-dependent/ into doing fucked up things with animals. It’s not a lot to ask and really should be commonsense, but for some strange reason, slave-orientated people tend to lose 100 points off their IQ when collars and cages are mentioned and choose the wrong guy.
Even yours truly. I totally ignored all the warning signs and my gut instinct and chose a man without a job or income, with big debts, who was ‘bunking’ with a friend, had two kids (and really, kids and me don’t mix) and was going through an icky divorce and was borderline manic depressive. It seems like a no-brainer now, but at the time I was all, ‘Oh, it’s okay we’ll make a new life together and we can all live happily ever after!’
That man was never, ever going to have his shit together and therefore had no chance of instilling any kind of trust or respect in me. A lot of the time I’d come home from working ridiculous shifts and he’d be asleep or locked away in his computer game world and the kids would be spaced out from watching tv for 8 hrs straight and I’d just want to scream at him to get off his arse and do something!!! That’s really not a good headspace for someone trying to be a slave and it’s not at all conducive to a happy and productive bdsm relationship. We could barely ‘live life’ let alone ‘live the lifestyle’.
That’s one of the reasons I’ve always favoured men older than myself. Generally speaking, with age comes wisdom and given enough time, even men – god bless the little multi-tasking-challenged gender – can get their shit together. Not all of them (as evidenced above) but I feel you’ve got a far better chance of finding one with their shit together if they’ve got a few years on you.
Oh, and don’t choose an owner that has attempted to kill someone previously – it’s never a good idea.