Lessons learned

One thing I learned from my abortive first slavery experience was, it’s hard to be a slave to someone who doesn’t have their shit together. I mean really… how can you respect someone and trust them to do what’s right for you when they can’t even look after themselves?

Take it from me, it just doesn’t work. They may think they ‘are ready’, you may think that things will be different *with you*, you may also hope that the responsibility of ownership will somehow set them on the straight and narrow…and then you can just keep on dreaming up yourself a successful bdsm relationship, because in a dream is the only place it’s going to happen!!! In fact, people who haven’t got their shit together when you start a relationship are, generally speaking, only going to get worse because now they’ve ‘got a slave to do it for them’.

An owner doesn’t have to be the perfect man, but he needs to at least have a job, have somewhere to live, not owe $10,000 to the local mafia and not be mentally unstable/drug-dependent/ into doing fucked up things with animals. It’s not a lot to ask and really should be commonsense, but for some strange reason, slave-orientated people tend to lose 100 points off their IQ when collars and cages are mentioned and choose the wrong guy.

Even yours truly. I totally ignored all the warning signs and my gut instinct and chose a man without a job or income, with big debts, who was ‘bunking’ with a friend, had two kids (and really, kids and me don’t mix) and was going through an icky divorce and was borderline manic depressive. It seems like a no-brainer now, but at the time I was all, ‘Oh, it’s okay we’ll make a new life together and we can all live happily ever after!’

That man was never, ever going to have his shit together and therefore had no chance of instilling any kind of trust or respect in me.  A lot of the time I’d come home from working ridiculous shifts and he’d be asleep or locked away in his computer game world and the kids would be spaced out from watching tv for 8 hrs straight and I’d just want to scream at him to get off his arse and do something!!! That’s really not a good headspace for someone trying to be a slave and it’s not at all conducive to a happy and productive bdsm relationship. We could barely ‘live life’ let alone ‘live the lifestyle’.

That’s one of the reasons I’ve always favoured men older than myself. Generally speaking, with age comes wisdom and given enough time, even men – god bless the little multi-tasking-challenged gender – can get their shit together. Not all of them (as evidenced above) but I feel you’ve got a far better chance of finding one with their shit together if they’ve got a few years on you.

Oh, and don’t choose an owner that has attempted to kill someone previously – it’s never a good idea.


11 thoughts on “Lessons learned

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  1. Oh yeas a psychotic one isn’t good and neither is one who has tried or suceeded in killing somone. They are out there 😉 I got rid of one a while back who I spent a good month talking to daily. We met and he met my friends and everything was going nicely until week two after meeting and suddenly he had no job, wanted to move in and had started calling my little one “son”. I don’t think he even felt the wind on his ass from my boot.

    Integrity, responsible, and yes got their shit together. Highly fucking important.

    1. *hugs*

      I had a good little giggle @ “I don’t think he even felt the wind on his ass from my boot.”

      It’s so hard to find a good man with his shit together 🙂

  2. As a former cereal killer, I can see where you might be disappointed by previous selections from the gene pool.

    Still, as a form of excorcise, I suppose a stretch of the legs down memory land isn’t the worst thing you can do. 😉

    But, if health is truly your concern, you must remember: We are what we eat!

    I’m a pussy….Q.E.D.

    Mr. Upton Ogood (You’re welcome)

    1. Thank you for the comment Mr. Uptohis NeckinPussy

      I always choose venting as my preferred form of exorcising 😉

      1. Opun my word, I see that you’ve gotten into the spirit of the excorcise. (Ok..now, let’s all say “Merrin! Merrin!”)

        I, being a guy, prefer to have my kids “pull my finger” when I vent. Loads more fun 😉


  3. A bit off subject, but I felt like saying this…

    When I look at BDSM ads, straight women don’t seem to be interested in “older” so much as “experienced”. This is regardless of whether they’re the dominant or the submissive one. Granted, those who are sufficiently experienced tend to be older. So… just where do most guys get experience, anyway? 1. Be married to someone who develops an interest, and then divorce them later. (How likely is that going to happen?) 2. Regularly visit a Pro-domme. (This doesn’t work for male dominants, which are in higher demand, and male submissives may find that a Pro-domme isn’t the best reflection of BDSM in general.) 3. Be heteroflexible or Bi and practice with guys first. (That’s an option for what, maybe 10-15%?) 4. Attend BDSM play parties. (Good way to accomplish nothing except standing around and looking creepy.) 5. “Borrow” someone else’s slave for awhile. (Even if you have such a connection, which few do, how many actually think of that?) In short, the best option for most appears to be… lie. At least for their first few times. And if slaves tend to lose 100 IQ points upon first meet, like you said, then it probably works, at least for the doms – but the relationships are not going to last until he actually does have experience.

    Guys, on the other hand, appear to not be very picky about it. Oh, they’ll sometimes be picky about other things, and many doms aren’t interested in a slave that is significantly older than themselves, but their wants tend to be quite a bit more varied.

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