Dom Wanted: Apply within.

Position vacant: Dom

Must have: Experience, financial stability, police clearance, care factor for property, own shit together

Desirable: A castle, crisp suits, red sportscar, maid

Nightfall left an interesting observation on my previous post saying that women (whether submissive or domme) want a man with experience and that it is hard to get that experience.

Of course women want someone who is experienced! Doesn’t everyone?

It’s a bit like trying to get a job. Every employer wants someone with 3-5 years experience – even if you’re only sitting at a desk and smiling. In fact, I’ve forgotten the number of jobs I’ve applied for where I apparently haven’t had ‘sufficient experience’ or ‘qualifications’ to answer a phone or type up a letter. I’ve never lied on an application per se, but to get my foot in the door, I’ve been known to jazz things up on my resume a bit, otherwise, how else are you supposed to get experience when no-one will give you a chance?

However, there is a little bit of difference between embellishing your resume in order to work at an office and handing over your body (and sometimes your life) to someone who doesn’t know what they are doing. Even though the majority of play that takes place is never edgy enough to seriously put someone in danger, there is always the possibility of causing injury or irreparable harm in just about everything you do.

Restraints that are too tight can cause nerve damage and if you kill nerves, they never grow back. Hitting someone too high with a flogger can bruise or crack the tail bone. You can also have wrap around that could rupture a kidney. Needles inserted incorrectly can puncture lungs. You could accidently hit someone in the face with a single tail. People fall, things break. There are burns, cuts, bruises, infections….Not to mention the mental side of things.

You wouldn’t go to a doctor who wasn’t qualified, so why would hand your body over to someone who doesn’t know the ‘safe’ bits to hit or the responsibility of a power exchange?

As well as the inherent danger in play, there is also the fact that newbie doms tend to kill the fantasy. It’s okay to be asked, “Is that too tight?” but if your dom is asking you, “How do I tie a square knot again?” it’s just not cool.

Every woman wants a man who can swing a flogger and fix her toilet, while every man wants a woman who can cook and give good head. I know these are blatant stereotypes, but when you cut to the core of things, that’s pretty much how they are. I suppose dommes wanting experienced men has something to do with the men knowing how to treat a goddess properly (a.k.a. can lick pussy and unblock toilets), but I’m sure there are also women who would enjoy ‘training’ a man to their requirements.

So pretty much, yeah, you’re screwed if you’re wanting to be a dom and you don’t have experience. I suppose the only way to get around it is to go to workshops, try to get someone to mentor you, go to play parties and strike up friendships with people you can play with and receive advice from and above all be honest. You don’t have to say that you don’t know the handle of a flogger from the tails, but at least let them know that you don’t have a *huge* amount of experience and therefore will take it slow/ take it light/ are happy for feedback.


7 thoughts on “Dom Wanted: Apply within.

Add yours

  1. Nice post.

    Would you mind much if I point a “kajira” newbie to take a look at your thoughts.

    She’s REAL new, and no real life exposure.

    Be safe

      1. Thanks Doll,

        Your scan of life as 24/7 is as good as any I have ever run across. Your honest with yourself, and at least state your issues.

        Its refreshing.
        Be safe

  2. I don’t know how common it would be, but I got the impression from a few younger wanna-be dommes that they wanted an experienced male slave so they could have a source of affirmation that they were doing things right. Or I might have been reading too much into it. Older ones seem to be more demand-y and less explain-y, so I can’t tell with them.

    Your post reminded me how, supposedly, surgeons-in-training get part of their experience practicing on dead pigs. Wouldn’t work too well with BDSM because if people found out, they’d consider you seriously screwed up for flogging a dead pig. Or worse, a human cadaver. (Okay, I’m probably screwed up for even thinking of that.) Maybe some SM things could be practiced on a mannequin?

    Whatever. It’s just something that’s been on my mind lately, as I’ve been trying to find ways to get my life together (or at least as much as it is possible at this point) and find ways of getting at least enough experience so that I don’t seem like a clueless wannabe.

    1. I know people who practice on mannequins and on the sofa – beating up a sofa is a good way of getting accuracy and working out the swish and swing. Sadly though, inanimate things won’t give you too much in the way of pain feedback.

      There are some things that can be tried on yourself (and I’m a big fan of doms testing stuff on themselves first!) like clamps, straps, paddles etc.

      I also can’t stress enough of the importance of reading as much as you can and seeing as much done live as possible. I’ve also been to parties where people have asked to ‘borrow’ a bottom for some practise. Most people are quite happy to help 🙂

  3. by not being at the last party you missed the singletial to my face and to my ear and all the wrap (i happen to like wrap….lots)

    1. Damn! I miss all the good stuff…lol. That’s pretty scary though, but just proves my point that it does happen and even with people who know what they are doing 🙂

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