Sunday Morning with kitten

I’ve had my big-mother cup of cappuccino to get me started, done my pantry challenge update and now I think I’m awake enough to tackle a blog post.

And I wait for the inspiration….

Still waiting….

*whistles while she waits…..*

Let me entertain you with further thoughts on food and me while I wait for inspiration:

I read Master’s comment on my last post before I went to pay him a visit this morning. I knew he would want to know if I had read it or not, so I thought I’d jump the gun. And of course the first thing he asked me was if I’d read his comment. He asked me to repeat it pretty much word for word. So I did. The he then informed me that if I got down to 55kg,  he would expect me to say there -that it would be my ‘required slave weight’.

For some reason, hearing that made me all teary – and not in a thank-god-he’s-taking-an-active-role-in-my-weight-loss kind of way.

Even though I said yesterday that I lose weight for ‘other people’, I vehemently disapprove of anyone but the individual taking ‘responsbility’ for their diet/health. Firstly, I think people have to take care of their own shit and having someone else ‘do the dirty work’ is a bit of a cop out (and really, if they don’t learn to control themselves, how will they ever learn to be healthy?) And secondly, it comes back to the thing I wrote about before regarding why some rules totally piss me off i.e. don’t try to control stuff I’m totally capable of controlling myself!

I’m guessing he said that in an effort to stop the yo-yo effect. But personally, I think having that pressure to stay at a particular weight is a really good way to get me binging in secret and hiding the evidence and yes, I have been known to do some of the secret eating behaviour.

With my first owner, I wasn’t supposed to eat sweets without permission, but I’d buy them and hide them and tuck in when he wasn’t around. Even with Master, I’ve done some binges that generally involved me buying large quantities of food on the way home from work and eating until the point where I thought I would vomit (but of course I never have…what a waste of good food that would be!) Theoretically I’m supposed to ask Master for permission to eat sweets too, but if he’s not around, then…well…I sometimes take matters into my own hands. I used to do it in Japan too and the Friday night/Saturday morning binge was the thing I looked forward to the most.

Reading back over this, maybe I’m not capable of controlling myself…lol. But I’ve always controlled it, if that makes sense. I’m actually hesitant to call them ‘binges’ because they were carefully planned and I *wanted* to do them. If I decide that I won’t ‘binge’ then I don’t. I was under the impression that a binge is something that you really can’t control, so I’m more inclined to call it ‘eating vast quantities’…Or am I deluding myself? Lol….

This time I’ve thought a lot about diet and exercise and am trying to make it more of a lifestyle change than a temporary fix. Previously I’ve always gone gung-ho about exercise and followed some particular eating plan like low GI or Atkins, but this time I’ve just tried to control my calories (there are no off-limits foods) and exercise when I’ve wanted to. Other than some times where I’ve felt ridiculously hungry, it’s been quite painless and I’m trying to think of it more along the lines of  ‘this is what my life will be from now on’  not, ‘this is what I’ll do only until I reach my goal weight’.

So anyway, I’m hoping that the ‘required slave weight’ comment was said a bit in jest and that I won’t be held to it. Not that I don’t want to maintain my weight loss, of course,  I just want to do it because *I* want to do it, not for someone else.

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