I wonder if a slave in a consensual bdsm relationship has ever woken up one day and thought,
“I don’t want to be a slave anymore”.
Not because they weren’t having their itches scratched, because their domly one had done anything wrong or because there was something wrong with their relationship. Simply because they decided that they were finished with being a slave and that that part of their life was over and done with.
I’ve read about a lot of M/s relationships that have come to an end and most of them have been due to the fact that one person hasn’t kept up their end of the deal. The second most frequent cause of a breakdown has generally involved one partner cheating on the other or not being entirely honest about something. However, in all the break-up stories, I can’t say that I’ve ever read about someone who has just decided to ‘stop’ being a slave or a dom.
Is it something that you can just stop doing because you don’t want to do it anymore?
I guess it depends on how much ‘a part’ of you your slavery is. I’m sure for some people it’s like the air that they breathe, it’s a part of them and they can’t imagine living without it. For others, it’s something that they try on for size for a while and find that ultimately, it doesn’t quite fit.
I think my feelings about slavery fall somewhere in the middle. My slavery was something I longed for with all my heart and soul at a stage when I wasn’t really aware of the realities. It was something I missed terribly for the couple of months I was uncollared for when I decided to put an end to my first relationship. It is something now that I often take for granted and at times resent, but more than anything I don’t know what I’d do if I wasn’t a slave – I would be lost.
On Saturday night someone at the play party asked Master what he would do if I didn’t want to put the collar back on. Master’s answer was very cool and straight to the point:
“It wouldn’t bother me if she wanted to find somewhere else to live. To be under my roof she has to be wearing my collar.”
The reality of my situation if I woke up tomorrow and decided not to be a slave would be that I wouldn’t have any where to live and I would find it difficult to stand on my own two feet. That’s the situation when you have next to zero in terms of assets, property & money. I’m sure I’d get by with the help of friends & family, but it would be akin to starting from zero again. I’ve started over twice before and managed, but as you get older it obviously gets harder and you start thinking about whether you should of had kids or should of gotten married, or should of had a career or should of had a normal life.
In the short term, I’d probably enjoy the ‘freedom’ of living by my rules and doing what I wanted, when I wanted. It might even be a relief to be back in control again.
At least for a while.
Like everyone I play the ‘what if? game’ on a regular basis and while my life is not movie-script perfect, I’m still happier than I’ve been for quite some time. I don’t think my happiness is a direct result of my slavery, though, but more of a by-product. If Master said to me tomorrow that he wanted to end the M/s stuff I’d probably be okay with it. (I’d still want to do kinky stuff in the bedroom on occasion, but I’m sure I could survive without the ‘trappings of slavery’ and without me being his fetch and carry bitch…) I enjoy my relationship with Master more as a person than as a slave and it would only be if something happened to our relationship as ‘a couple’ that would result in a total break-down of what we have.
So is slavery a phase one goes through? For some, yes.
The only question you should really ask yourself in any relationship though is, ‘Am I happy?’ If your answer is no, then that’s the time you should do something about it.