Whenever, however

Being a slave, one of the really tough things to deal with is what to do when there’s something wrong with your man. Of course, in day-to-day life you deal with colds and tummy upsets and other sorts of medical things that be-fall menfolk and generally they act like they’re dying for a few days and then everything is good again once they realise that they’re not headed for Valhalla for eternity, but it’s the more serious stuff that is tricky to deal with.

We had a rather unsettling turn of events at the end of last week that directly affected Master and while it’s not life-threatening or anything that is going to affect us in the next couple of weeks, it was the sort of news that quite literally made my heart stop at 2:45pm last Thursday when he told me. I’m not going to go into details because it’s not my place to say anything, suffice to say that he’s not a happy camper and I don’t know how to help him.

He’s definitely not himself and actually I’m not myself either. All sorts of things went through my mind and while I’m not one to panic when it’s not as yet ‘panic stations’ time, I’m anxious and worried about what will happen and what changes will take place. I’ve never been one to cope well with change and I’d imagine that it’s due to the fact that I’m a planner and I like to know what’s going to happen in advance, with plenty of time to make the necessary adjustments. Now I don’t know what to expect and I’m a bit lost.

There have been times in the past when Master was outof sorts and I worried about whether I was going to be turfed outof the house on my slave behind (because even now, after 3 years I still worry about that…) and there were times when he was a bit depressed or didn’t feel 100% physically or whatever, but after a few days he perked up. When he’s out of sorts I always ask him how he is or if he is ok and his answer is always,

“I’m fine”

Now, to be utterly and frankly honest, as a slave and seeing as he’s my god and a supreme ultimate being, I don’t want to know when he’s worried aboutsomething or whatnot. To me, he should be perfect all the time. As his slave & worshipper, I don’t want to know when he’s worried aboutthe mortgage or that he’s thinking about what is going to happen when it’s time to take the poodle pup to the vet to be euthanised. I don’t want to know about all that icky life-stuff, at all. Period.

But as someone who shares his life and cares ever so deeply for him, I want to do everything I can to make his voyage through life as comfortable and care-free as possible. I want him to talk to me about how he feels, about his hopes and fears. I want him to feel that we’re both on this journey of life together and that I can share the load.

How to reconcile these two roles that I occupy is something that I wish they had taught me at slave school. It’s a skill that is beyond me and I struggle with what to do every single time that Master doesn’t have a smile or at least a twinkle in his eye that shows me he’s ok. When he is sad, worried or down-hearted I wish I could blow the dark clouds away, but so often I can’t. I guess the only thing I can do is remind him that I am here always.

For him.

Whenever & however he needs me.

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19 thoughts on “Whenever, however

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  1. Oh hun, i am sending you my warmest wishes and hugs at this time…. it all sounds very distressing for both of you… i only hope that things can get better soon.

    you’re right, for Him to know that you are there for Him is all that you can do…. be strong and try to keep positive…. thinking of you *hugs*

    t. x

  2. Its always hard seeing that our doms are not perfection and godlings rolled into human form…but I am sure that knowing you are there for Him makes every thing that much more bearable. Men in general, not just those of the domly persuasion, have a hard time talking about or admitting when something is wrong…just our presence alone is helpful. *hugs* best wishes to both of you, I’ll keep you both in mind.

    1. Thanks! Yes, it’s definitely a man problem in that they don’t really want to talk about stuff and like to brood in silence -or do they? Maybe they’re just ‘expected’ to deal with stuff in silence?

  3. My best to your Master and you. i think that as partners we play several roles in a relationship no matter which name is placed on it. The role at any particular time depends on the situation at hand. Even in an Ms setting, the actions of the slave can and should be modified to help solve the instant problem.

    That being said, my experience with males is that they tend to ‘go it alone’ and will not ask for from their partner. If i had to do it, i would step out of my slave role to help solve the problem in my Ms relationship. When serious problems arise in a partnership, i think two people can better handle the issue than just one. i think it is called synergy.

    Again i wish you and your Master well.

    tavia

    1. Thanks tavia 🙂 I think we all have to do what we have to do when the situation calls for it.

      And yes, I think our Masters are very, very similar in some respects.

  4. O_O

    You stole my entry. STOLE it.

    My Master is out of sorts, telling me he’s fine, but… He’s been to the hospital, and another doctor, and… Stuff is not right. I’m hoping it gets better. Of course. And it might. But it might not…

    I dunno… I… Guess there is nothing more for me to say without getting too personal about his business.

    Just wanted to give you some cyber support, girlie.

    ~Chloe

    1. Teehee..*runs around like a Dikini* I stole your entry, I stole your entry!!!

      My domly one’s issue is not medical, but whenever there is any sor of problem it’s difficult. *hugs* I hope things get better for you too…

  5. I hope everything turns out okay. I was beginning to wonder when I noticed your Master’s blog went without an update for a couple days, which is so unlike him. 😦

    1. Thanks! Yes, he’s a serial blogger so there’s sometimes 2 or 3 entries a day and it’s been 3 days now and nothing. It’s quite strange and unsettling.

  6. (((hugs))) to you & your Master, i hope things will take a turn for the better.

    Since i wouldn’t know how to handle this, either, i took the opportunity to ask my Daddy (for you, and also for an insight into Him), and He said this is what He would want:

    Be there, and be as normal as possible – try to be fun, sexual, and open from within your slave role as you normally would. If you pummel Him with questions or are in His face a lot, He’ll feel under the microscope and uncomfortable. It’s not about giving Him ‘space’ per se (in other words, don’t withdraw), but it is a bit about giving Him time to process. Behaving as your normal self will give Him stability and let Him know you aren’t too freaked out (even if you are! lol). He almost certainly WILL reach out to you about it, just it may be over time, in bits and pieces, as he sorts through and feels comfortable doing so – so maybe be tuned in for that to happen over the next days and weeks.

    Those are His words almost verbatim, so i dunno if that’s helpful at all or not, but there ye have it. YMMV.

    1. Thanks for giving me an opinion from the other side of the fence 🙂

      I’ve sort of come to the conclusion that acting as normal as possible is best, so that’s what I’m doing as well as giving him some space to process. Maybe he will ‘reach out’ and maybe he won’t – I’ll just have to wait and see I guess.

  7. Ack, a difficult situation. I would say the same as some people above. Try to focus on him as much as you can. I think that’s easily reconciled with both the slave mentality and the loving partner mentality. Both allow for you looking after him to ease his distress. The problem, I find, is knowing what he actually wants you to do through all the groaning and complaining! (not saying he’s doing that, but…er….my partner…may….sometimes………do that……when he’s sick…..)

    xx best of luck and I hope he gets better as soon as possible.

    milla

    1. Thanks milla 🙂

      There’s no groaning and complaining, just a lot of introspective musing going on upstairs, so I don’t have much to ‘deal’ with in that sense.

      I’m sure things will work out somehow so I’m being positive and will just deal with things as they come.

  8. i just wanted both of you to know that im thinking of you and sending lots of warm hugs and wishes that things turn out for the best..

    (((((((((hugs))))))))))
    Hisflower

  9. This struggle between the two different roles is something I’m always trying to figure out too. I always wonder if its selfish of me to want him to always be ok 100% of the time – I can’t help that that is what I want, because I view him as me caretaker and if he’s not ok than I’m not ok either. But I love him dearly and even though I think I’m pretty pathetic in the “cheering up” department, all I want to do is know whats wrong and make it disappear for him.

    the duality of it all can spin a submisive girlies head around!

    All I can say is that the love you obviously have for your Master should help him through his hard time – your love is the most meaningful thing you can give him. best of wishes ❤

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