Yesterday Master purchased a football guernsey in his team’s colours and a matching beanie & scarf for me. The football gear coupled with a pair of slut boots is supposed to be my ‘outfit’ for the play party tonight.
I put on the ensemble yesterday and he snapped a few pictures saying that it was a good outfit for a ‘bogan slut’ like me and he’s hopeful that fans of other football teams will scorn me (to say nothing of the fact that I support a totally different team and putting on his team’s colours is like staking a sparkling one through the heart…)
Now, generally speaking at these play parties, everyone is all dressed up in their leathers, corsets and goth-est looking best and every now and then I arrive in something that is completely inappropriate like the ‘belinda the builder’ outfit and the ‘bogan footie slut’ that I’m going as tonight. I generally feel totally ridiculous as my outfits are like some bad in-joke that only Master thinks is funny and people who don’t know what he is like, just think I’m some bizarro geek.
I realise he gets some sort of twisted pleasure out of seeing me utterly uncomfortable in a social situation, but what I’m trying to decide is whether being humiliated like that – in a non-sexual way – contributes anything towards the pushing of my humiliation button.
I’ve been paraded around naked in rooms full of clothed people drinking coffee, lead around on a leash crawling on my hands and knees and inserted a pocket rocket in front of an assembled crowd and in some strange way those things pushed my humiliation button. I got some sort of pleasure in knowing that I was being humiliated in public.
The couple of times I’ve worn the strange outfits, I’ve felt nothing but a longing for the earth to swallow me up. Seriously, that long walk up the driveway to the front door, where everyone is standing out the front checking out who is coming in, is quite literally my green mile i.e. dead woman walking.
Thinking about those types of humiliation and the ‘other’ type of humiliation, the only thing I can think that is different is the fact that the ‘normal’ types of humiliation are almost expected in a bdsm setting, whereas the strange-outfit humiliation is not. Instead of the ‘knowing’ looks you get from people watching the expected variety, you get the puzzled, ‘Wtf is this chick wearing?’ looks that really make you feel like shit.
So in conclusion, I’ve decided it doesn’t push my button and I’m hoping that Master gets his dose of sick, twisted pleasure out it and removes it quickly so he can give me a nice bruise-inducing beating.