Housemates, girlfriends, slaves

I take on numerous roles in my day-to-day life, from surly public transport passenger in the morning, to Master’s ravishing partner at night. In the hours between I’ll also dabble in such roles as: invoice-making bitch, exercise-junkie with bad fashion sense and dishwasher-stacker. The role that is the only inter-connecting thread between this multitude of roles that I play every day is my role of  ‘slave’, so one would assume that when a problem occurs in one of the many roles that I play, that dealing with it by calling on the slave persona as the ‘generic’ role would be the answer, right?

Wrong.

If there is a problem with the way I do something, it needs to be fixed in the role that the problem occurred. If I forget to stack the dishwasher for two nights in a row, you need to talk to me in my housemate role. You need to point out to me that I’m not pulling my weight around the house, that I’m not being fair with the division of chores and that by being part of the household, it’s my responsibility too. Don’t say to me that I’m being a ‘bad slave’, that my slavery is lacking or that a Master shouldn’t have to be doing a slave’s job.

My slave role is not a salve for everything, so when my slavery is not the problem, don’t say that it is.

I think people tend to mix everything up and when there is a problem, instead of appealing to the persona that can fix it, they slap a general ‘bad slave’ sticker on it and suddenly the slave is feeling totally inadequate and stressed. Similarly, constantly leaving the toilet seat up, leaving dirty clothes on the floor or eating the last piece of pie that you had been looking forward to eating all day doesn’t make him a bad dom – it just means that you need to talk to him as a housemate and as someone who shares your life and point out the things that are making your blood pressure rise (of course, whether there is any change in behaviour or not, is a completely different matter, but at least you’ll generally feel better for getting it off your chest…)

When you live with someone for a long time you begin to get comfortable – very comfortable. I always feel that when I can fart in front of someone I like, we’ve moved into married couple territory. I moved into that particular territory with Master a LONG time ago and as a result, there is very little we don’t discuss regarding everything from bowel movements to the consistency of our snot .

I also find in married couple territory that you tend to take each other for granted – you know, when you stop asking questions and stop talking to each other and you tend to just assume everything. In Japan they call this kind of relationship ‘thinking of your partner as air’ – the other person is there, they will always be there, you don’t even need to think about them because they are to you as air. Of course, the air reference is also an indication of how important the person is to you – you might take air for granted, but without it, you die.

When you become comfortable, it’s so much easier to just sweep everything up under the ‘bad slave’, ‘bad husband’ or ‘bad dom’ rug and get the other person to fix it. Because, after all, isn’t the other person wrong? Aren’t they the one who is fucking things up? Or is the person who is slapping the ‘bad’ label on also at fault – by not giving the person a chance to fix the problem in the persona it needs to be fixed in?

Being told you are a ‘bad girl’ can be fun for a play session, but repeated oft enough without just cause, and it can also be the straw that breaks the relationship’s back.

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4 thoughts on “Housemates, girlfriends, slaves

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  1. I don’t know how to be anything other than His slave. We tried dating once before and discovered I am a terrible girlfriend (my words) and I will always consider Him to be my best friend ever.

    But I do have a problem with dividing myself into diff categories. Last night I forgot to remind Him that we’d been asked to make sure the kitchen floor was done, so this morning He got up first and got the brunt of it not being done. I immediately felt bad because the floors is on my daily chores and I felt I’d let Him down, it was some how my fault. Even when He said no, it wasn’t…it was His responsibility last night not mine.

    How do you separate the slave from everything else??

    1. I’m curious, what made you a terrible gilfriend?

      I don’t think you can totally separate it, but you have to remind yourself that you’re not ‘superslave’ and just because you forgot to do one thing, it doesn’t mean you’re a ‘bad slave’.

      Master and I often joke (half-joke?) about how much of a ‘bad slave’ I am. When I forget to make his coffee or don’t wear heels that are high enough or whatever, every little thing I do ‘wrong’ gets called ‘bad slave behaviour’.

      We treat it as a joke, because we know those things don’t really make me a bad slave, but I don’t think that everyone does treat it so lightly. I read where people are punished for ‘forgetting to put out the garbage’ because they’re a ‘bad slave’. That is just wrong to me.

      1. Looking at every relationship I’ve had, I never felt like a girlfriend. I never went out on dates, and I always wanted them to be more domly. I pushed the limits of acceptable every time just to see if I could make them act dom.

        I did the same thing the first time I went to see Master and got a bf/gf relationship instead of the M/s one I’d been hoping for. I understand why He did this NOW but then I was just…confused. We didn’t talk nearly enough about these things back then.

        I guess I always considered myself to be a bad girlfriend because I never wanted to be one, I wanted to be owned and belong to someone. I don’t want the equal rights thing 😛

        Master’s way of “punishing” me for forgetting coffees is to deliver as many low impact but stinging slaps to my ass as He can land before I manage to scurry away, usually laughing and making faces 😛

        He is good about accepting when something is His fault and not mine, like the other day. Even though I felt like my lack of remembering to remind Him was partially to blame lol. Our collective punishment (if you wish to call it that) was to clean the upstairs bath and spare room since we forgot the kitchen floor. Instead of assigning this to me, He willingly helped me with it and did most of the heavy lifting 🙂

  2. i feel the same way as Sephanie ~ wouldn’t know how to compartmentalize myself or our relationship into various “roles”. i don’t feel i go “into” or “out of” my slavehood, although we are at times more formal or less formal. So i dunno, curious to hear how others feel about this. Our goal has always been to integrate TPE into every activity and every area.

    i think it helps that we work together, from home, so we don’t have to do the “work identity / home identity” thing, we’re just who we are all the time. So i *literally* get controlled 24/7. i wouldn’t say micro-managed necessarily, but somewhere along the spectrum where i don’t choose my own clothes, food, schedule, etc. Anyway it’s all part and parcel of my slavehood role.

    i think maybe if He was JUST my Daddy/Master, and not also my boss (deciding what hours i may work and which projects i can take on), and if we didn’t love each other deeply, then His dominance could be just one role, isolated from the others… but i wouldn’t want it that way.

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