I take on numerous roles in my day-to-day life, from surly public transport passenger in the morning, to Master’s ravishing partner at night. In the hours between I’ll also dabble in such roles as: invoice-making bitch, exercise-junkie with bad fashion sense and dishwasher-stacker. The role that is the only inter-connecting thread between this multitude of roles that I play every day is my role of ‘slave’, so one would assume that when a problem occurs in one of the many roles that I play, that dealing with it by calling on the slave persona as the ‘generic’ role would be the answer, right?
If there is a problem with the way I do something, it needs to be fixed in the role that the problem occurred. If I forget to stack the dishwasher for two nights in a row, you need to talk to me in my housemate role. You need to point out to me that I’m not pulling my weight around the house, that I’m not being fair with the division of chores and that by being part of the household, it’s my responsibility too. Don’t say to me that I’m being a ‘bad slave’, that my slavery is lacking or that a Master shouldn’t have to be doing a slave’s job.
My slave role is not a salve for everything, so when my slavery is not the problem, don’t say that it is.
I think people tend to mix everything up and when there is a problem, instead of appealing to the persona that can fix it, they slap a general ‘bad slave’ sticker on it and suddenly the slave is feeling totally inadequate and stressed. Similarly, constantly leaving the toilet seat up, leaving dirty clothes on the floor or eating the last piece of pie that you had been looking forward to eating all day doesn’t make him a bad dom – it just means that you need to talk to him as a housemate and as someone who shares your life and point out the things that are making your blood pressure rise (of course, whether there is any change in behaviour or not, is a completely different matter, but at least you’ll generally feel better for getting it off your chest…)
When you live with someone for a long time you begin to get comfortable – very comfortable. I always feel that when I can fart in front of someone I like, we’ve moved into married couple territory. I moved into that particular territory with Master a LONG time ago and as a result, there is very little we don’t discuss regarding everything from bowel movements to the consistency of our snot .
I also find in married couple territory that you tend to take each other for granted – you know, when you stop asking questions and stop talking to each other and you tend to just assume everything. In Japan they call this kind of relationship ‘thinking of your partner as air’ – the other person is there, they will always be there, you don’t even need to think about them because they are to you as air. Of course, the air reference is also an indication of how important the person is to you – you might take air for granted, but without it, you die.
When you become comfortable, it’s so much easier to just sweep everything up under the ‘bad slave’, ‘bad husband’ or ‘bad dom’ rug and get the other person to fix it. Because, after all, isn’t the other person wrong? Aren’t they the one who is fucking things up? Or is the person who is slapping the ‘bad’ label on also at fault – by not giving the person a chance to fix the problem in the persona it needs to be fixed in?
Being told you are a ‘bad girl’ can be fun for a play session, but repeated oft enough without just cause, and it can also be the straw that breaks the relationship’s back.