I’m feeling ranty

1. Why do people feel the need to say negative things about my weight?

Growing up as a fat kid I had my fair share of being teased mercilessly and in my pubescent years I truly enjoyed being given well-thought-out nicknames like, “Fats”. Fast-forward 20 years and I thought being on the other end of the scale would stop that hurtful shit, but apparently not.

When I was at home last week, I spent almost every day being made to promise my eighty-six-year-old grandmother that I wouldnt lose anymore weight. At random times during the day she would interject it into conversation, like we’d be chatting about her cute toilet paper with paw prints on it and suddenly she’d say to me, “I think you’ve lost enough weight. Promise me you won’t lose anymore, ok?”

I’ve also got an acquaintance who, every time he sees me, grills me about how much weight I’ve lost. He also likes to make comments like, ‘You’re wasting away!’  or “You’ve turned sideways and now I can’t see you!”

To be honest, I find the comments about my lack of weight more upsetting than anything I was ever told when I was fat. I’m sure most people don’t go around making random ‘fat’ comments to large people because they know it’s not nice, so why make random ‘too thin’ comments to people who have lost weight?

I’m no-where near uberly skinny. I still have a body fat percentage of around 28% and enough padding in my ass to feed a third-world country. I have a small build and would need to lose another 8kg (15lb) before I would be classed as ‘under-weight’.

Granted, some of the pics Master has taken and posted of me aren’t that flattering. In some positions I can look gaunt and a bit bony, but my body is still adjusting to the weight-loss and everything is sagging. I’d like it if he didn’t post those pics, but he posts what he wants, when he wants.

2.  I’m supposed to be having a mystery shopper visit tomorrow, but I am so not in the mood for it.

My ‘holiday’ at home really wore me out mentally and jumping straight back into work fucked me up physically. My body is also so confused with the three-hour time difference and the daylight savings vs. no daylight savings zones so I’ve felt funny since I’ve been back. My period is late and I’m uberly pms-sy. Oh and have I mentioned I’ve been binge-eating since I got back and my body is aching from my gardening splurge? Not to mention that getting ready for a mystery shopper requires a couple of hours of hair removal, hair-doing and getting ready and the appointment is for 11am tomorrow which means I’m going to have to get up early…

Yeah. I’m definitely not in the mood for it.

I’d like to be a bit more excited about it for Master’s sake, but honestly, I just can’t drum up the enthusiasm in me.

3. One of my piercings really, fucking hurts.

It happens every time my period is due, but it’s like someone is digging a metal skewer into my private bits. They also get incredibly itchy and so I scratch, and that makes them sore and then itchy again, and so I scratch…rinse and repeat for a week every month.

Let’s also not forget that during my period is not the only time they hurt. They just hurt MORE during my period.

4. I’m trying to get back onto the weight-loss wagon, but it’s not working.

For the past eight weeks my weight has been yo-yoing around and it annoys me to no end that I just cannot reach the target weight I set for myself. It’s not that I can’t reach it physically. It’s very attainable, but some part of me just can’t make that final commitment to knuckle down and get there once and for all. Every time I lose a little bit I reward myself with, of course, food and then the cycle starts again. Normally I’m a very disciplined person and so it’s driving me insane that I’m just not doing what I need to do!! AHHHH!!

5. Slut wear is not practical.

On Friday I went to the garden centre in platform heels and an impossibly mini dress. Bending down to pick up plants exposed my beaver. Then, I nearly broke my neck walking on the slippery concrete after they’d just watered the plants.

After the garden centre came the fruit and veggie market. Firstly, you can’t hold a bulging basket of fruit & veg and pull your dress down at the same time as you weave between screaming children. Secondly, platform boots with stiletto heels won’t save your toes when you get run over by a guy wildly wielding a trolley of onion bags.

Then came the supermarket. Walking up and down the aisles with the teeny-tiny steps I needed to take totally buggered me. Then my stilettos kept sinking into the lawn as I tried to carry the shopping bags inside. It was stinking hot and by the time everything was unloaded and packed away, I just wanted to get naked.

Maybe that was Master’s plan all along.

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13 thoughts on “I’m feeling ranty

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  1. well you could have lost your angst gene rather than your ouchie gene, but it doesn’t really matter as a slave has no rights, no choices and is simply the property of their owner and Master and so you will just have to remain obedient won’t you sweetie.

  2. i dont mean to be hurtful with my comments kitten, because i think of you as a friend and that i care about you, your weight loss is concerning to me, i do believe that you dont need to lose more weight but thats not up to me but i think its unhealthy to be any thinner than you already are. those pics were sad to look at.

    being the fatty that i am i have gone through all the name calling and believe me being called skinny is nothing on what fatties cop, please reconsider losing more, also please stop suggesting that you need to lose more because you do not.

    1. I appreciate the concern carina, but I’m really quite far from wasting away!

      And if it makes you feel better, I had a cinnamon roll and a croissant for breakfast so don’t worry about me not eating -lol!

  3. I’m really small and used to get ‘playfully’ teased about my weight, too. That is, until I started making “innocent” comments back.

    Or it might have been the oinking.

    1. Lol@oinking.

      I imagine that didn’t go down very well. Sometimes people just don’t think before they speak and ‘playful’ gets ‘hurtful’ very quickly.

  4. i get those kind of comments all.the.time. soooo annoying. like at work, people (customers) feel the need to tell me to ‘eat more’, when obviously they would never dare to be so rude as to say to a larger woman ‘don’t you think you should eat less’. i sooo wanted to make that point to the last person who commented to me ( and yes i was pms-y too lol!) but of course i have to bite my tongue and be polite. gah!
    weight is so much more than a number on a scale. it’s all about how one feels in one’s own skin. having said that, i do acknowledge that a fair bit of the time my own image of my body is pretty distorted really…*sigh*

    1. That’s the beauty of a blog, I can be pms-sy and share it with the world! Mwahhhhhh!!! lol.

      Any comments about people’s appearance unless positive I think should be kept to one’s self. Someone might be thin/large for a medical reason or any variety of other uncontrollable reasons.

  5. hey sweetie, first, i think all grandmothers think everyone should be nice and chubby to be healthy- kinda like letting the world know you are fed and loved..lol. now for my serious comment- i honestly love the pictures your Master posted of you- i think you look beautiful… i dont think you look too thin…. but i do think you look perfect where you are at. your body has a very healthy look to me… i wish i was as disciplined as you have been…if you could send me the discipline diet vibe i would be thrilled! lol.

    be happy with the amazing work you have done and your beautiful body…. seems your Master is very pleased …
    lots of hugs,
    Hisflower

    1. Thanks! Sometimes I wonder if my Nanna has some Italian blood in her, all she wants to do is feed me – lol.

      If and when I re-discover my disciplined diet vibe I’ll send some your way!

  6. “I’m sure most people don’t go around making random ‘fat’ comments to large people ”

    I wouldn’t bet on that, if I were you. Lots of people DO go around making random “fat” comments to fat people (and I can call myself fat, cuz I am). They also go around mooing at them, telling them that they are lying about what they eat/how much they exercise, and a whole bunch of other things.

    See, it’s weight. So it’s okay to talk about (whether fat or skinny). So people think.

    1. I’m sorry people have been so cruel to you. Weight is definitely a not-for-conversation topic as is why one doesn’t have children and a myriad of other things people should never randomly comment about.

  7. I wish someone would tell me to eat more although if I ate anymore I may not be able to get out my door.

    Everyone in my life (and those not, just by ‘the’ look) know not to comment on my weight. The last person who said something wandered away crying whilst I gnawed on their arm. PMSL

    As a fatty, both now and in the past no one has ever given me a hard time (to my face that is). However when I lost weight and reached a size 12 I took my $600 out to go shopping to buy new clothes. The shop assistant at Rockmans told me to come back when I’d lost weight. WTF?!!! I was astounded and left the store with my jaw dropped to the ground.

    A complaint was made re: her comment and I’ve never shopped there ever again. Not that I could fit in their clothes now I’m fat again.

    In short, fuck em all.

  8. I don’t know whether you’re too fat or too thin, or what too fat or too thin is – but when I saw the photos of you, my immediate and strong reaction was that your bod looked wonderful.

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