It’s like living with a two-year old

That was the fateful statement I made to Master yesterday as I snatched the itunes card out of his hand after observing him trying to peel off the covering over the serial number so he could redeem it.

“It’s like living with a two-year-old!! You’re supposed to scratch it off with a coin because that’s what it says in the instructions!!! They don’t just have instructions for show, you know – that’s actually what you’ve got to do!!”

So I got myself a coin and scratched like it said in the instructions and in the process, managed to scratch off the serial number as well.

“Oh crap…”

“What’s wrong? Read out the number.”

While I had been ‘scratching off the covering’, he’d happily peeled off the labels on the three remaining cards and already redeemed them. Now he wanted the number off the card I’d ripped out of his hands, hoping to prove my superiority by doing the ‘correct’ thing and revealing the offending number.

So we spent the next twenty minutes trying all the possible permutations of what the unreadable numbers could be to no avail only to be presented with the, “This is not a valid code” message of doom innumerable times. Then we were shining torches on it, wiping it, tilting it this way and that and I was invoking the powers of all the higher beings I knew to make that thing readable. Then Master decided to write over the number with a felt pen and wipe it off, hoping that it would make it a bit more readable.

And it was. And he redeemed. And all was right in the world of itunes accounts.

See, I’m a bit anal about the ‘proper way’ to do things. I suppose spending several years pouring my heart and soul into instruction manuals so that they would make sense to the people who used them didn’t help matters, but even before I became an industrial translator, I was anal about stuff like that.

That’s why when I cook, I’m a recipe girl. I won’t make something if I don’t have all the necessary ingredients in the exact quantities. I don’t substitute or adapt, I do everything as it’s proscribed. I also feel the need to have cleaning products for ever separate thing I clean. While I know that what’s in the ‘sink cleaner’ bottle is probably the same as what’s in the ‘bath cleaner’ bottle, I still feel the need to have the correct bottle for the job. That’s also why when I became a slave I had a very fixed image in my head about what I should be doing and what Master should be doing. It was almost like I had a manual for M/s in my head and I wanted to follow it to the letter.

I’m not exactly sure where that manual came from – probably a mish-mash of things gleaned from the internet and movies – but once it was in my mind, it was very hard to accept anything that I hadn’t set down in stone in the manual. So many times I’ve wanted to say to Master,

“But that’s not what you’re supposed to do!”

when he has deviated from my idea of what Masters do and sometimes those words have slipped from my mouth. His response?

“What are you?”

And I’ve had to remind myself that doing what he wants me to do is what I’m supposed to be doing – not me being the slave and him being the Master as per my ideas.

I think everyone gets into M/s with a certain image in their mind and a lot of the re-training that goes on has to do with getting rid of those preconceptions – both on the side of the owner and the slave. In my case, the training has taken a lot longer because the type of person I am makes me want to follow to the letter, the ‘correct’ way I have in my mind of being a slave. Rewriting my manual has been difficult and is an ongoing thing and I’m sure there are many times that he has wanted to say to me,

“It’s like living with a two-year old! You do what I want you to do, right? I’m the Master, you’re the slave. Get it right, bitch.”


16 thoughts on “It’s like living with a two-year old

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  1. I’m the opposite. I’m not much for following instructions. I have to experiment to find how and why everything works. Sure, occasionally I screw things up, but I also occasionally find something that works way better than what the instructions say to do.

    1. People who just turn things on and start banging around with them drive me insane!!! Read the manual – that’s what it’s there for ๐Ÿ™‚

    1. So you two make a nice, neat match? Or is it a case of needing an uberly large kitchen so you don’t get in each other’s way?

  2. I’m a mixture of both. I’m anal about following the manual and writing them as well. But cooking? I use recipes as a guide or suggestion, then enhance as I choose. Drives my husband crazy. He won’t even let me make a stir frywithout seeing the recipe.


    1. Yes, stirfrys definitely require a recipe ๐Ÿ˜‰

      I never even used to ‘taste’ my food to season it until a couple of years back. I figured if I followed the recipe, why should I need to adjust it?

  3. Recipes, I mess with. Of course I do – food is art! Cleaning products – who cares?

    But there are SOME things The Man does that drive me INSANE. One of those things? He will leave the goddamn car running while he pumps gas into it. Let me just repeat that – WHILE HE PUMPS GAS.

    The first time he did it, I thought he must have just forgotten. I reached over and turned it off while he was outside. When he got back in the car, he was all, “Hey, I left that running.”

    I was all, “Hey, I didn’t want to explode.”

    He was not pleased and decided I was paranoid.

    I will never get over this one. I want to get out of the car and go stand across the street every time he gets gas. I need a free pass system to be The Boss every once in a while, I swear.


    1. thats just bloody stupid, everyone knows not to leave a car running when refueling, im with you, i would be out the car and no where in sight.

    2. Wow…that’s all I can say to that…wow.

      Actually no, I can say something else: that’s just fucking stupid.

      You should send the boss a link to the ‘Darwin Awards’ ๐Ÿ˜‰

      1. Yeah, see, I thought so too. Except then I was listening to Car Talk on NPR and a guy called in about that very thing. I was SO excited, because I was absolutely positive I was about to get “proof” this was not okay…. And then the car guys said as much as people want to tell you it’s to protect against errant sparks, that’s bullshit. Because there is plenty of gas on the ground at gas stations all the time, and an errant spark would ignite that anyhow. They said the car-off thing, and the turning off your cell phone rule are for one REAL purpose – to keep people from accidentally driving off with the gas nozzle in their car. Making sure people have to turn off their car and then back on again to leave, as well as making sure they are not talking on the phone while pumping gas, increases their awareness and makes it less likely they’ll drive off with the pump in their car.

        I love NPR, but that one segment of Car Talk nearly made me cry.

        I still desperately want to be right.



        1. Well, yeah he has a point about the petrol on the ground and stuff (I mean a hell of a lot of it is floating around in the air too!) but doesn’t keeping your car running while you fill it with petrol kind of defeat the purpose?? Like why would you just want to waste petrol while you were paying more to fill it up?

        2. i guess i will forever err on the side of caution and turn my motor off, i liken it to putting water in the HOT radiator while the car is turned off, thats a no no too.

  4. lol i had the same problem with my itunes gift card, i scratched the panel and then it took me an hour to work out the missing letter.

    1. Yay! I wasn’t the only one!! Personally, I think it was a faulty design. I think we had something like 6 letters that were missing…

  5. You people are absolutely hilarious…fear of cars running while pumping gas. LMAO. Do you have the same fear when you DRIVE BY a gas station…all that deadly, dangerous, explosive petrol could drift over the roadway….OH MY GOD…We’re all gonna DIIIIIEEEEE!.

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